Friday, December 11, 2009

I am not a whore... but I like to do it.

Celebrity gossip is addicting and act as excellent conversation pieces during awkward silences at parties. Gossip on The Row is also addicting, but becomes the conversation piece that creates awkward silences at parties.

How is it that the socially awkward are either a) nymphomaniacs as a result of their social exclusion or b) judgmental prudes??

Apparently when The Resident was over last week and we were engaging in some fun in my bed for once, one of the socially awkward members from our newest pledge class decided to come and talk to me about being on Panhellenic. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. I would NEVER endorse her for Panhellenic. Supposedly, she heard us going at it and has since been spreading it around to everyone. What a bitch. We weren't even being loud... I asked Little #2 who lives next door and she said she heard nothing. I imagine what happened instead was that she was talking to Miss Socially Awkward (her big sis), who saw The Resident come into my room earlier and then put it together when she tried to come in and the door was locked.

Miss Socially Awkward herself makes poor sexual decisions and is often seen making the walk of shame following a night of being spotted sucking face with some equally awkward boy... usually a freshman. Yet, you never hear this shit coming from her bitchy and judgmental prudish little. Queen Prude instead decides to launch an attack on me and has been systematically spreading it around to everyone that I am a whore. Then last night, as I arrived at The Charter House annual HO HO HO Party, everything turned to whispers and glances in my direction. Then The Flirt came and told me what he had heard and whether or not it was true... of course like any good rumor, this got twisted around so by the time it got to him, the gossip turned into me having a threesome with two of The Row's whoriest girls in a fraternity's basement, which is a ridiculous absurdity all on its own. First of all, if I were in a threesome, it would be with two other guys, NOT two other girls. Second: I would not be caught dead having sex in a fraternity basement.

Of course, I traced it to Queen Prudy because she stupidly made it her story in a pathetic and desperate attempt to raise her own social status and as soon as she made an appearance at The House for lunch, I bitched her out in front of everyone. She didn't know what was coming to her. Of course after I called her out on it, Miss Socially Awkward felt obligated to butt her fat ass into the conversation in defense of her little, at which point I asked her if she would like to share with everyone the story behind her most recent walk of shame. She turned about 15 shades of red and walked away as Queen Prudy stared open-mouthed in shock. Amazing how some little sisters can be so oblivious to their bigs' extracurricular activities.

In any case, I've been doing damage control. For the most part, this has blown over and once everyone discovered the source to be Queen Prudy, they all dismissed it. Still, The Row is full of sorority girls who jump at the opportunity for interesting pieces of gossip so I imagine this will linger for some time... especially since everyone knew me as part of Panhell. For some reason, once you're on Panhell and everyone knows your name, that makes rumors about you worth just that much more.

Socially awkward prudes should never join sororities. Of course, they somehow manage to perpetuate themselves and survive like fucking cockroaches through nuclear war. Honestly, I wonder if this prudy breed of the socially awkward are just uptight bitches just because they've never had sex. If they did or at least did properly, they wouldn't walk around all day like they had a corkscrew up their asses. Maybe that's it. They're trying to preserve their technical purity or whatever and just consent to anal.

I could take the so-called "high road" and "forget" this incident... but where's the fun in that. Besides, I subscribe to the belief that luck is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Bitch picked the wrong person to mess with. This is so not over.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It's amazing what Panhellenic life does to you.

So busy I haven't posted in what... 6 months? There's now snow on the ground and things are winding down for Christmas so I finally have time to not give a shit about sorority life... which is such a hilarious statement because at the end of the day what am I doing? Sorority shit.

The biggest piece of drama this semester was a Big and Little pair that ended up being the finalists for The Hilltop House's Dream Girl. Now that is what I call fierce competition. That shit is serious... some girls would say that's just about as bad as a Big and Little pair fighting over the same guy. In any case, a lot of The House was divided over who to support. It was one of the younger Big and Little pairs, so I didn't really care to have a stake in it. Personally I stopped caring ever since I cut myself from the running for frat dream girls/sweethearts since it would have been bad form considering I've been dating The Resident fairly seriously. I even consented to being pinned and that was a little dramatic episode all on its own.

It was somewhat awkward since The Resident is an alum from The Charter House at a different chapter but they held it at our school's chapter... meaning that The Flirt had to be part of the ceremony as its current president. It was a cute ceremony... some of The Resident's pledge bros came and some other old alums did too... meaning that I got serenaded by a choir of guys from ages 18 to 80. It got interesting when some of the old Charter House alums were hitting on me to hassle The Resident.

I have to get some Christmas shopping done today seeing as this is our first Christmas together and I feel like he's already upped the ante with talk about dinner at the fanciest French place in town. Lucky he's independently wealthy since residency pay sucks.

Some girls still have a few finals left before they can jet home... fortunately, I always plan my classes so my finals are done early.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Frat boys never plan for anything except...

Bago Trips.

The Pageant Princess and I were discussing the flurry of emails we've gotten in the last few days about the football season Winnebago trips the frats are all starting to plan. They're all trying to one up each other to get us to go. We've gotten personalized emails from various frat social chairs and promises of kegs, grills, and our own beds. We're def A-listers. They want us to be on their decks for home games and in their bagos for road trips. Not to mention it's great PR for The House. We always get lots of bago trip invites among other trips. I imagine there will be a bunch of ski/board trips we'll go on this year too. The frats are all trying to outdo each other with cool weekend trips and such.

And aside from house PR, it's kind of important to be on these bago trips since lots of frats start recruiting for their dream girls/sweethearts/etc. on these things and it's all about getting the largest number of bros to like you the most. I just as good as had that title for The Mansion, but that's not happening since I broke up with The Guitar Hero. Bros before hos, right? They're all pretty much not speaking to me right now, but from what I hear through sisters from The House, none of them dislike me... they're just acting like it out of respect for The Guitar Hero. Which means I'll need to find some houses to focus on if I want to be a Dream Girl/Sweetheart/etc. Probably means I should start working on my kegstands. I used to be able to kegstand on my own without support (thank you, 10 years of gymnastics/dance) but I bet I can't do that now. I need to get back into shape.

In other news, now that I'm on Panhellenic, I'm now not allowed to recruit during Fall Rush. Also, The Pageant Princess is out too since she's on Panhell as well. This would normally worry the fuck out of me because we have a lot of influence, but I'm fairly positive The Sorority Prodigy will step up.

Honestly Panhell needs to get their heads out of their asses. Every sorority dirty rushes. It's just the way the system works. Also, making us move out of our houses and into a hotel does not make it any less obvious what house we're in. I hate this goddamn system. Why can't we just be like frats and COB our pledges. Although I will say this... at our regional conference, we heard that some schools' panhells guarantee bids to ALL rushees... FUCK THAT SHIT. I mean at least at ours we have a decent pool of rushees... The Tinkerballerina was telling me about this time when she went to The Dancers' International conference and apparently some schools definitely have suckier pools to choose from. Another chapter of The Dancers had some shit where like girls would rush and pledge but drop like flies throughout pledging when they decided it wasn't for them. That absolutely sucks 'cause then your numbers drop like hell and I bet International would be riding your ass.

They say to be thankful for what you have. I'm thankful our Panhell doesn't guarantee bids.

Monday, June 1, 2009

It's really early.

Patients seem to go into trauma a lot in the wee hours of the morning. The Resident got called in again just now and he's off to the hospital. I'm kind of awake right now so I might just stay up a little while.

So I didn't manage to convince The Resident to spend ALL day in bed, but close! Cuddling and watching tv in bed is a lot of fun... as is ordering delivery Chinese and pizza for lunch and dinner.

I didn't actually mean to spend the night tonight, but managed to fall asleep super early. The Resident ended up calling The Older Brother to let him know I was spending the night and The Older Brother text me a bunch of times just now grilling me about what was going on. I didn't exactly fill him in on breaking up with The Guitar Hero. I bet I'll get some phone calls from him tomorrow.

There aren't a lot of good shows on this early so I'm settling for the news. I should actually probably go back to sleep since I'm planning on visiting the pediatric ward at The Resident's hospital to help out a little and hang out with the kids. There sure are some cute kids there... especially in the pediatric oncology unit. I think I'm going to grow out my hair a little longer and donate it... it's already pretty long as is so it won't take me that much longer. Actually that might be a great idea to add to our Relay for Life Greek Tent next year... have some hairdressers volunteer their time to cut hair for donation. I'll make it a point to bring it up with The Overachiever in The House. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma when she was in high school, got treatment, and has been in remission since. I think it's what makes her such a crazy overachiever... she does so much, but I think her most passionate thing is heading Relay for Life on campus.

Starting to get tired again... think I might go to sleep again.