Christmas Cheer

Christmas is one of those holidays where you just have to step back and look at the fundamental silliness of it all. Sure it’s all cheer and chestnuts roasting on an open fire for the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas while you’re out shopping and looking at Christmas windows, but as soon as that’s over, you realize you just sank yourself in credit card debt for the next year. I’m sure those creditors are bipolarly flipping between champagne toasts of added interest income and worries of their borrowers declaring bankruptcy. Yay subprime loan crisis and the slowdown of the American economy… although I’m sure the Canadians are excited about their currency increasing in value. That was nice of us to give them that for Christmas. But honestly, think of all those publishers who will have to reprint the US/Canadian prices on the backs of their books! They must be having a horrible Christmas.

I think Christmas may have been invented just to make the world a clique-ier place (you know, other than the whole Christ is born factor). Before I left for home, The House was such a simmering pot of drama with looks of why didn’t you get me a present… you got HER a present. Hell forget that even back in high school it was all about getting every “friend” you knew SOMETHING whether it be a candy cane or a useless gag gift or something actually worth giving/receiving to demonstrate how MUCH you loved and appreciated them. Or just to show everyone else just how many “friends” you have.

I’m glad I only got presents for the 7 or so people who really matter this year. I saved untold dollars on candy canes and assorted “naughty and nice” gifts wrapped in cheap packaging. There were some questionable glances this year as to why I didn’t produce gifts for those who gave me assorted useless junk and candy. Honestly, why would I spend money buying their superficial smiles when those will come free soon enough? It’s only a matter of time before they have to pretend that they like me. Besides, no one could possibly eat that many candy canes. This year, to date, I have received 47 candy canes, 16 chocolate santas, 5 packages of snowman-shaped Peeps, and 3 shot glass-shaped “candy canes”. I should send them to the starving children in Africa along with 8 maids-a-milking. They could use the calories. Well… maybe not the shot glass ones… I think I’ll pour some Bailey’s and toast to all the friends who so kindly remembered to amply spread the American holiday spirit of superficial giving.