The First Test

So the new babies were subjected to their very first test due tonight. We had an interesting mix of results.

Their first task was to get something from a fraternity man - a completely easy assignment. The Pledge Mom made it really simple too... my pledge year, we had to retrieve an item of clothing or something else extremely personal which clearly identified from whom it was taken. This year, it was literally anything. Of course, the members who brought the most interesting item are the ones who garner the most attention.

The Pageant Queen pledge brought in her boyfriend's fraternity pin... I'm guessing she'll be pinned soon which would be fun. I could do with a pinning ceremony or two this semester. It wasn't the most interesting object but it was appropriately sororitaaaay.

The Sorority Prodigy managed to get The Swimmer from Charter House's Speedo. I am so proud of her. That was like the best thing ever when she pulled it out. Apparently she went over and coerced The Prep to talk to The Swimmer and convince him to let her have it for the night.

Some other objects that were brought in were car keys, a credit card, a pair of boxers, etc.

Similarly, the pledges over at The Charter House were sent on a mission to get pieces of lingerie from sorority women. They already got their little bros and The Flirt's little bro came and found me and since he's a first year turned bright red and mumbled that The Flirt told him to get something of mine or else there would be punishment. What a cocky bastard... sending his poor little bro to get a piece of lingerie from me? Can't even be a man and come get it on his own. Whatever, not like The Flirt would get whatever I gave his little bro, so I picked out a silky red thong and sent him on his way. He was decently cute too... I should insinuate that to The Flirt sometime for payback.

This weekend should be fun though... lots of parties.

Tequila Tuesday

Went out with some of the new pledges tonight and happened to run into some of the girls from Barbie's Whorehouse and I'm shocked by some of their new pledges.

As a rule, I'm extremely lenient with my judgments on pledges. Sometimes (though this should never be the case), awkward girls go through to "find friends" and they end up in a house because of Panhellenic rules with rush numbers or because that house just sucks at recruiting. Whatever. These girls should be given a chance to evolve into a well-groomed and poised sorority woman. However, I personally think (and this is why The House does so fucking well during rush) that we shouldn't have to fix women. This isn't some shitty makeover reality show that barely passes for television. I have to not only see these women on a daily basis, but be seen with them. And really at the end of the day, I want The House to be known as the hot house who is the best on the entire fucking Row.

But anyway, I really wonder what's the story with The Whorehouse's new pledges... after all they generally only take the extremely anorexic and/or girls who would do well in pornos... the well-endowed, flash-their-tits-at-parties, suck-on-lollipops-all-day-for-practice kind of girl ends up there. Yet I counted (at least in the group) no less than seven women who would definitely not fit their house profile. It's like they were the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White except that this time it was like the Seven Scaries... there was Squinty, Frizzy, Backne, Muffin Top, Greasy, Cankles, and The Bull.

Squinty had Urkel glasses and squinted even with the glasses. Who seriously wears glasses, let alone blatantly unflattering glasses when they go out? I wanted to ask her if she left her suspenders and pocket protector at home and do that annoying laugh that has been relegated to daytime television to fill in network hours while people are living their lives.

Frizzy was probably the most fixable of the bunch. She just had ridiculously frizzy and curly hair that screamed "I need product!" Seriously. The Social Chair warned me not to get too close or else the frizz would send out its tendrils to suck out mousse from my hair and eventually ensnare my entire head. Scary, but possibly true.

Backne is a sad problem that I too can sympathize with. However, I can't sympathize with the stupid girl who wears a halter top unnecessarily. If you have backne and whatever meds or creams or washes aren't working, cover up the disgusting pus-filled pimples by wearing a top that covers your back. Not to mention it was cold out so there was no need to wear a halter.

Muffin Top was also a failure at choosing her wardrobe. She wasn't even fat which is quite possibly the saddest part of the story. It's one thing if you're fat and clothes don't fit... it's quite another when you're not fat, yet you choose to wear pants which cut into you in such a way that it creates the illusion of fat. In fact, I think that is even more telling about you as a person. It means that a) you have no fashion sense b) you didn't look at a mirror before you left c) you don't care or d) all of the above.

Greasy had hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. From a distance, it looked like it just had way too much product in it (she and Frizzy should be friends), but upon closer examination... it wasn't product. It was grease. I wonder if on hot days, you could fry things in her hair...

Cankles was a true fat fat. She had massive cankles and she tried to cram her elephantine ass into a tiny mini. I was surprised she didn't blow a seam when she bent over to pick something off the floor.

And The Bull. The Bull was otherwise an attractive girl who seemed personable. Minus her decision to get a nose piercing through the middle of her nose and then follow up that decision by wearing a ring in it. Like a bull does. What statement is she trying to make?! That she was some sexy matador to tame her??

Although to entirely fair, I feel like there's some back story here. Obviously something must have gone wrong with their recruitment or else there would be this collection of Awkwards and Fuglies. I should grill The Porn Star from Barbie's Whorehouse about it... we're mildly friends since we're both show up for the group spin and yoga classes at the gym.

I heart new babies!!

Yeah so there's basically no time to post while Rush is happening because everyone is insane and especially so on The Rush Board.

The plus side was that we rock rush every year and our new class is amazing. There actually aren't any Awkwards at all!!! Mostly because whenever The Awkwards voted high on anyone, everyone else voted low... and vice versa really. It's really a very good strategy.

Tonight was Bid Night and unlike some other more boring houses, we actually had fun with our new girls. We went had a few drinks and then went ice skating with boys from The Mansion. It doesn't get any better than that. Honestly, some of the houses did stuff like played board games at their house... like seriously do they think that's the best way to show their new girls a good time?!? By causing them to go bankrupt in Monopoly?? Whatever though, not my chapter that's going to shit haha. In fact their failures really just make The House look that much better and make it that much more of a top house.

In other news, the Sorority Prodigy accepted a bid to The House... I still don't know how The Guitar Hero feels about that but whatever. She's basically going to be my Little Sis #3. I've pretty much claimed her since I'm on The Rush Board and we make the Big/Little pairings. And she loves me so yeah it works out well.

I imagine The Guitar Hero feels a little awkwardly about it since his little sister is a) in my sorority and b) will quite probably be my little sis as well. Boys are so dumb sometimes. He's been like cling wrap lately too... I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's a little closed quarters sometimes. Tonight he hung around me the whole night and decided to pretend to suck at ice skating which is just silly since he used to play hockey in high school. Also fun was some of his bros hitting on The Sorority Prodigy and he glared at them and then they backed off when they found out she was his sister. I'm surprised they didn't really know before... she has visited before. In any case, they're wasting their time since she and The Prep have been going on regular dates and are as good as a couple.

Other than all the recruitment madness, there's nothing new really. I have a shitload of work to catch up on and a midterm coming up. I've got some great stories from rush about some crazies... I'll probably try to update on those when I need a break from studying.

Thursday Night Rush Parties

Rush is about to begin but I have no worries. We'll kick ass as we do every year, in part to our successful and sneaky dirty rushing. Example: The Sorority Prodigy is as good as ours since The Social Chair and I have been wooing her all summer.

Speaking of dirty rushing, The Social Chair and I hit up some frat rush parties tonight... which is always an interesting experience. The Charter House tried to keep us with them all night just because girls by nature attract pledges, let alone hot girls from the best house on campus. We left once the freshmen started trying to hit on us. The Flirt caught up with me tonight and attempted to woo me with compliments. I hate when frat boys try to do the "gallant" thing and walk us home because really... we're not going home... we're going to another party. The Flirt tried to walk me home when I said I was tired but really I meant that I was leaving to head to The Mansion for their rush party... needless to say The Guitar Hero was not pleased when he met me at my door with The Flirt walking me up the path. There were some looks thrown.

To be honest though... The Charter House's set of new pledge prospects seems a whole lot better than The Mansion's... they're just on the whole way cuter and more together with their clothing choices. I think The Sorority Prodigy and The Prep from The Charter House are well on their way to becoming a couple... much to the dismay of The Guitar Hero. Oh well. Not like he has much of a say in these things.

I'm surprised that girls stayed in at The House tonight... like who doesn't go out on a Thursday night???