I am not a whore... but I like to do it.

Celebrity gossip is addicting and act as excellent conversation pieces during awkward silences at parties. Gossip on The Row is also addicting, but becomes the conversation piece that creates awkward silences at parties.

How is it that the socially awkward are either a) nymphomaniacs as a result of their social exclusion or b) judgmental prudes??

Apparently when The Resident was over last week and we were engaging in some fun in my bed for once, one of the socially awkward members from our newest pledge class decided to come and talk to me about being on Panhellenic. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. I would NEVER endorse her for Panhellenic. Supposedly, she heard us going at it and has since been spreading it around to everyone. What a bitch. We weren't even being loud... I asked Little #2 who lives next door and she said she heard nothing. I imagine what happened instead was that she was talking to Miss Socially Awkward (her big sis), who saw The Resident come into my room earlier and then put it together when she tried to come in and the door was locked.

Miss Socially Awkward herself makes poor sexual decisions and is often seen making the walk of shame following a night of being spotted sucking face with some equally awkward boy... usually a freshman. Yet, you never hear this shit coming from her bitchy and judgmental prudish little. Queen Prude instead decides to launch an attack on me and has been systematically spreading it around to everyone that I am a whore. Then last night, as I arrived at The Charter House annual HO HO HO Party, everything turned to whispers and glances in my direction. Then The Flirt came and told me what he had heard and whether or not it was true... of course like any good rumor, this got twisted around so by the time it got to him, the gossip turned into me having a threesome with two of The Row's whoriest girls in a fraternity's basement, which is a ridiculous absurdity all on its own. First of all, if I were in a threesome, it would be with two other guys, NOT two other girls. Second: I would not be caught dead having sex in a fraternity basement.

Of course, I traced it to Queen Prudy because she stupidly made it her story in a pathetic and desperate attempt to raise her own social status and as soon as she made an appearance at The House for lunch, I bitched her out in front of everyone. She didn't know what was coming to her. Of course after I called her out on it, Miss Socially Awkward felt obligated to butt her fat ass into the conversation in defense of her little, at which point I asked her if she would like to share with everyone the story behind her most recent walk of shame. She turned about 15 shades of red and walked away as Queen Prudy stared open-mouthed in shock. Amazing how some little sisters can be so oblivious to their bigs' extracurricular activities.

In any case, I've been doing damage control. For the most part, this has blown over and once everyone discovered the source to be Queen Prudy, they all dismissed it. Still, The Row is full of sorority girls who jump at the opportunity for interesting pieces of gossip so I imagine this will linger for some time... especially since everyone knew me as part of Panhell. For some reason, once you're on Panhell and everyone knows your name, that makes rumors about you worth just that much more.

Socially awkward prudes should never join sororities. Of course, they somehow manage to perpetuate themselves and survive like fucking cockroaches through nuclear war. Honestly, I wonder if this prudy breed of the socially awkward are just uptight bitches just because they've never had sex. If they did or at least did properly, they wouldn't walk around all day like they had a corkscrew up their asses. Maybe that's it. They're trying to preserve their technical purity or whatever and just consent to anal.

I could take the so-called "high road" and "forget" this incident... but where's the fun in that. Besides, I subscribe to the belief that luck is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Bitch picked the wrong person to mess with. This is so not over.