You don't want to mess with The House... we'll trash your asses

I am fully pleased with the performance of The House after last night's raid attempt. The brothers of The Hilltop House decided to attempt to drunkenly steal our composite... among other things like thongs to pretend they had scored. Last night was actually a decently opportune time to do it since there were a number of invitationals going on and The Row was relatively quiet for a Thursday night.

I was hanging out in my room and then I hear thuds and when I go look there are about four guys that climbed in via the trellis that we have on the side. Granted, they had some rope and other crap with them... it was still not an easy thing to do. It was still fairly amusing... they fell into our third floor because apparently being drunk makes you blind to the fact that you have to pass the second floor in order to get to the third floor. They were especially stupid since there were more open windows on the second floor than there were on the third floor.

I called up a few girls and since The Hot One is dating our school's star quarterback, we had no problem recruiting a few boys to help take the drunken retards down. Of course once we had them tied down in chairs with their own rope and a few random zip ties supplied by The Engineer of The House, we had to punish them. And what better way to punish them than with make up. That's right, we called up some of The Awkwards who need a little practice doing theirs so that they don't look like crazed hookers or little girls who fell into mommy's makeup drawer.

There were mixed results. Some have improved markedly in their blush and eyeshadow application while others... still need some help. In the end though, those Hilltop men didn't know what hit them. Mostly because they were drunk off their asses and by the time we were done, they were passed out. We took them back to their place and tied them to their fence. Let me tell you, the sight on the way to class this morning was totally worth it. A small crowd had gathered and I wouldn't be surprised if this makes front page news on The University's Newspaper come Monday morning.

Our success in retaliation has been going up and down The Row all day... it's great. One of The Awkwards was saying how she felt so bad doing it... but what's there to feel bad about!? They're the ones who tried to break into The House and steal things. It was totally in self-defense. Besides, it wasn't like they sent pledges to attempt to get something. If that were the case, we would have helped their pledges out, gave them brownies and cupcakes and sent them on their way with kisses on the cheek. But no, full grown bros need to learn the hard way.

Events like this make me love being part of The House.