The Older Brother's graduation is coming up and I now need to think about packing. Thank god The Parents gave me a Tiffany's jewel roll last Christmas so I can bring along all the necessary accessories... seriously though, accessories make the outfit.
The Older Brother's girlfriend who is a member of The Barbie's Whorehouse sorority at their school will also be in attendance. I hate that bitch on so many levels. I still haven't figured out quite why The Older Brother likes her so much... probably because she enables him to work out his frustrations sexually... Honestly she goes around touting how much greater her house is compared to mine. What the fuck. We're not even on the same campus so she just really needs to cool that shit. Although, The Older Brother showed me several smack posts on Juicy Campus about her, criticizing everything from her bleached hair to her oddly robust breasts. There was serious speculation about a boob and nose job combo in one thread. Hey, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure having larger assets are worth extra premiums when you're sliding up and down a pole.
They're talking about moving in together after graduation and our parents are horrified. I'm fairly certain they'll do everything they can to prevent that. Who knows, maybe they'll even threaten to cut him out of the trust fund. That would bring some nice family drama and significantly increase both my share and The Little Brother's share...
In any case, it will be a huge family affair since it's the first kid's graduation. I'm sure both grandparents will be in attendance and probably a whole slew of aunts, uncles, and cousins.
The Guitar Hero wanted to come along and do the whole Meet the Parents thing, but I persuaded him out of it. I don't need the entire family questioning every little thing about him and I haven't taught him the ways of mastering my family yet. Old people are really good at wearing down at young people. Especially The Nana, my mom's mom who was also a member of The House, but at a different chapter. She HATED The Mansion back then because of some crazy drama that went down and I imagine she still has a fiery hate for them now... And seeing as I'm her legacy and favorite grandchild, she may feel particularly inclined to interrogate The Guitar Hero and possibly castrate him just for fun. Sure it's fun to be in a family that's been Greek for ages and ages, but it's not without its consequences and complications.
Ugh I'm also less than excited to visit The Older Brother's frat... which actually doesn't have a chapter at my school. I visited The Older Bro during my senior year in high school for like a weekend and I happened to hook up with one of the new pledges at the time. When The Older Brother found out, he gave that pledge the ass kicking of his life for hooking up with me... which has since earned me the oh so lovely nickname of "Jailbait" around their frat. And it hasn't gone away since that incident. Hopefully all of them will have enough combined sense between their two heads (ha-ha) to not use that name when The Parents are around... or else they will send me to the 13th circle of hell and threaten to cut me out of the trust fund.
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