Let's start with the tame...
The Family arrived for The Older Brother's graduation and proceeded to question why I was staying at a hotel. They concluded that it was because The Older Brother's Girlfriend wanted to stay with him and this false (albeit hilarious) assumption led to a yelling match between The Dad and The Older Brother.
The Cool Aunt realized right away that my moving to a hotel was the result of a falling out and proceeded to talk to me about it. This wasn't so insane.
The Older Brother then accused me of leading The Parents in the false accusation and told me that he should have expected that from a "a sorority bitch". I proceeded to remind him that his girlfriend was also, similarly, a "sorority bitch". He promptly told me (again) to stop hanging out with The Wine Heir. This is about the time when The Parents came and overheard that last bit.
They disagreed with The Older Brother but also questioned my motives since they know about The Guitar Hero (to an extent). This resulted in more shouting and general uproar in The Older Brother's room... which The Wine Heir just happened to be walking by at the time leading to...
The Wine Heir accosting The Older Brother about why he didn't want me to see him which then led to more yelling and it basically came near to blows.
This was all just the beginning...
At the actual graduation ceremony, The Parents ostracized The Older Brother's Girlfriend and didn't save her a seat, so she had to sit by herself towards the back. During the sitting time before the ceremony, The Nana then sat next to me and asked if I was seeing anyone. When I said "no" to make my life easier, she dropped the bomb and told me she knew I was seeing someone from The Mansion. Which led to another battle... this time between myself and my wily, seventy-something grandmother defending my dating choices, which led to The Family finding out and demanding that I bring him to the next family function. This all meant that The Older Brother had "let it slip" to The Nana to cause general pain, suffering, and mayhem.
I finally got the story out of The Mom later when she had had a few drinks. Apparently when The Nana was a pledge, the actives in The House Chapter that she was in sent her class on a raid to The Mansion at that chapter. There's some fastforwarding and something about The Nana seeing someone at The Mansion but then that was a dare based on their own pledge class's tasks and led to some sort of humiliation involving nudity and the front lawn. Which is more than I ever needed to know about The Nana.
Graduation was whatever... the pictures in my opinion look very forced. I looked fine... given all the times I just put on that sorority smile and pretend like there's nothing wrong...but The Parents and The Older Brother just looked tense.
Post-graduation dinner... The Parents invited The Wine Heir who sat next to me... at the end of the table farthest from The Older Brother. The meal was nice... steak, potatoes au gratin, wine (not from The Wine Heir's vineyards, amazingly), all served with a side of glares from The Older Brother and The Older Brother's Girlfriend.
Oh, but the real fun had yet to start.
The Older Brother's Frat had a huge party after we got back from dinner which was general debauchery but with some parents thrown in... which was just plain weird. But I guess it was alright since most of the parents had been Greeks themselves, which led to a beer pong tournament between The Fathers while The Mothers all sat around playing poker and making bloody marys.
While I was innocently sipping a bloody mary and watching The Mom kick ass at hold'em, I got a phone call. From The Guitar Hero. He told me he just got a call from The Older Brother which essentially twisted the story about me spending three hours on a roof with The Wine Heir. Which led to me walking outside and trying to talk sense with The Guitar Hero... who is generally fine with me going to all sorts of exchanges and philanthropy events which involve partnering with other guys. But, The Older Brother implied that this specific event would make me reject The Guitar Hero's pin. Apparently he was planning on pinning me when we got back to school. This led to him hanging up on me and no response to calls back.
And of course the cherry to top off the night would be that not five minutes after I got off the phone, The Wine Heir drunkenly wandered out and attempted to console me by attempting to convince me to date him instead. At this point, when I was just done with everything, he leaned in to kiss me and I felt a small prick through my shirt. He tried to pin me. With no grace, no acceptance from my part and a general lack of coordination due to his drunken state. I pushed him into a column of the house in self-defense and I left. I called a cab and went back to my hotel where I packed my stuff, checked out, and went to the airport to catch a flight home.
I haven't talked to The Older Brother since and as far as I'm concerned, he can take his damn diploma and shove it up his ass for his bitchy girlfriend to fish out. The Parents weren't happy about my method of escape but have left me relatively alone about the matter. They're too busy trying to figure out how to get The Older Brother to stop being a dipshit to worry about me. The Nana called me earlier today to "discuss the situation" about how she disapproves of my relationship with The Guitar Hero and to top all things off, thinks I should date The Wine Heir. I managed to talk sense into The Guitar Hero and convinced him to still come on the cruise that I had won before school ended with me. We're leaving tomorrow. The Wine Heir has not called me, but texts me repeatedly to apologize and hope that I will go out to visit him on the family vineyard. I haven't responded to them because as far as I'm concerned, the whole rooftop wine drinking was totally on a whim and that he hasn't had enough contact with me in the last few years to warrant me visiting him. I don't KNOW him well enough to want to. On the other hand, The Guitar Hero wants me to meet his family still and to make peace, I agreed to after the cruise.
I've spent most of this week as a recluse in order to prepare myself for the next two weeks. Not to mention I had to go shopping for all the right things for the cruise and to meet The Guitar Hero's family... which meant loading up on the sundresses and shelling out some serious cash for certain designers that The Guitar Hero told me his mother likes to see on young girls... which also meant studying up on said designers to some degree in case his mother decides to play quizmaster and see if I'm legitimately knowledgeable about all things sororitay. Luckily, The Mom and The Cool Aunt (The Dad's sister) seem to have some semblance of pity for my situation and thus, between the two of them, offered to foot the bill for these items. I'm grateful that they are contributing to my sanity and composure at the moment instead of methodically chipping away at it.
Here's to a hopefully peaceful cruise...
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