Let's play that wonderful game of... Which is worse?

Being followed and harassed by a fat old man in a speedo or being followed and harassed by the Girls Gone Wild film crew?

Lucky me... both happened.

Speedo Fatso occurred earlier in the day while I was laying out by the pool and sipping a mai tai. He decided it would be a great time to block me from the sun and show me his pinky ring collection. Ugh. Fat old men should not wear speedos. That was like mental scarring for life. And totally reveals that men can and DO have cellulite. Really really disgusting cellulite. That makes them look like fat old women. And Speedo Fatso decided to bring me a drink. Yeah right, fuck that. I'm not letting a guy a quarter his age date rape me let alone Mr. Cradle Robber in broad daylight.

And of course once it was clear that castration would be my next step, he moved on to The Rich Bitch. Haha gotta love that she bought pepper spray this morning before we went out and whipped it out. Sent his fat ass jiggling off into the horizon.

And what is spring break without the sleezeball film guys from Girls Gone Wild hitting on you and trying to get you to flash the camera for their super sorority special just to lead their way to an easy paycheck. Fuck that. You show your goods on camera and you can kiss the future rich hubby goodbye. It's like you learn in econ... keep things in short supply, and they're worth more. So, ideally, you don't show your goods to anyone except the guy you decide to ensnare and then he better be ready to pay through the nose. I mean, is he going to pay once he knows he can order you via phone or internet? I don't think so.

Besides, why should assholes with a camera try and ply me with drinks in a desperate attempt to pay their bills? If they wanted real money, they wouldn't be cowards holding a camera, they'd be out doing hardcore Chippendale's shit and the Thunder Down Under in Vegas. Then again, those cameraboys are probably just that... boys... and their boyhoods are probably smaller than snap peas. And that's just sad. I wouldn't pay to see that.

Thank God The Guitar Hero is flying here in two days to join our little gang for the rest of spring break. And thank goodness he's well endowed... in more ways than one.