Drunk texting is embarrasing for you, but hilarious for me

For a little background on tonight's Drunky Drunk Theatre...

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel has been around for ages. He's like... a sixth year because he keeps switching majors and presumably aspires to be Peter Pan so he doesn't have to ever grow up and can be so drunk, high, and other that he'll constantly hallucinate a fairy companion dressed like a whore. Or have an actual whore. He's actually gotten a fair amount of action for being a disgusting slob who hits on freshmen. Probably how he gets so much action... all the rest of us steer clear of him. Come to think of it... how the hell did he get my number...

Text transcript beginning 12:57am:

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Hey im SO drunk rite now. Come over

Anonymous Sorority Girl: fun? u ok?

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Ya ya im k. R u k? U need me 2 come get u? I wanna be all over u like buttr on toast tonite

Anonymous Sorority Girl: uh im good. actually im at The Mansion w/ The Guitar Hero so im kinda busy.

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: WTF u doin w/ that fag? Need me 2 come save u n take u to my place so I can give u some lovin feelin.

Anonymous Sorority Girl: lol y r u not w/ Freshman Girl Who Hasn't Figured Out You're A 6th Year Yet tonight?

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: she dumpd me. bsides i want u not her. lose douchebag n come over.

Anonymous Sorority Girl: ouch she dumped u?

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: nah i dvmped heq. come over. wuts the ass got that i dont got.

Anonymous Sorority Girl: he wrote me a song n hes gonna play it for me. plus i havent hung out w/ him in awhile.

The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: o so u feel sory for him so ur hangin. wutev hes such a ploser. shud come over n feel a real man.

Anonymous Sorority Girl: g2g seeya mayb @ the bbq tmo.

End transmission.

What the fuck is a "ploser"? Was he trying to say poser or loser? I can't tell. And what the hell with the pickup lines?! Those were SO bad they couldn't even be considered bad and moldy cheese. But again, hilarious pretty much for everyone except him. Definitely an example of why being a drunken fool is a pretty bad decision all around.

The funniest part is that he won't remember any of it tomorrow and he'll probably wake up with magic marker all over him in the basement of his frat house. Who knows? Maybe he'll show up at the barbecue that way. That would be great. I'd love to see him tomorrow morning, hung over out of his mind, with "I Heart Dick" on his forehead. It happened last fall... word on The Row is that one of his bros forced a pledge write that on The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel's forehead. Apparently he didn't notice til he went out later that night. I don't know whether that's funny or disgusting... that he must not have taken a shower or looked into a bathroom mirror before going out after an entire night of drunken and sweaty partying.

Frat boys are gross.

Except maybe The Guitar Hero. He's a pretty sweet guy and decently cute in his musician wannabe rockstar kind of way. The song he wrote was pretty good. It wasn't EXACTLY written for me but supposedly I inspired it... well according to him anyway.

He wants to go to dinner and "hang out after". Knowing him it'll end up being some really cute over the top date like in A Walk to Remember. God, Shane West is HOT. I agreed, so I guess we'll see where this goes. I don't know... 'cause he is in The Mansion and I like just kickin' it with the bros there.

Dating him might make my friendships with them awkward. Not to mention relationships with other sororities. After all, according to Tinkerballerina, The Guitar Hero was semi-seriously going out with one of The Dancers until he walked in on her and one of his bros going at it like rabbits.

Drama Drama Drama.

The last thing I need is an overly paranoid and insecure boyfriend and a bunch of sororobrats from the other Houses talking shit about me. News travels fast on The Row.