Fat People Are Disgusting

Fat people need to get off their lazy asses and lose the belly rolls and cankles and ugh I can't even think about it anymore. Seriously. It's not good for you. Or for me for that matter because I have to watch you jiggle and huff and puff when you try to move like two feet. I don't want to have to sit next to you on airplanes. I don't want to have to awkwardly try to move around you when we're shopping. And it's awkward when you shop in the store I work in and ask me for an opinion about a top... that's like three sizes too small for you.

It's a health issue too. You're storing up Type II Diabetes and Heart Disease there.

I mean if you have a thyroid problem, fine, it's out of your control and it's not like you can beat your mutinying thyroid into submission. Or you're having a stressful month and blew up like 20lbs, it's okay. We all have those. Get back to the gym ASAP and take care of yourself and it'll be okay.

But if you're like 300lbs and 5'2"... go out for a walk. That's all it takes. Go WALK. And when you get to McDonald's, you know, try eating a salad as opposed to the Big Mac, Large Fries, and Large Diet Coke. The Diet Coke does not make it okay for you to consume a Big Mac and Large Fries.

Stop jiggling by me with your muffin tops hanging out and your greasy faces that come with eating all that fatty food without working out... and stop trying to rush The House. We don't want your fatness influencing other girls and making them think it's okay to let yourself go like that. It's not. It's especially not okay when you're a boring person to top it off. We are a sorority. We take people we like. We don't want broken people who are seeking help. And above all, we don't want frat guys and professors to avert their eyes uncomfortably when we interact with them.

And if you really think you're still great and can get a job because you're SO talented... think again. Employers have to pay health insurance and they have to look at you. Health insurance can get pricey when you've got issues like a bad back and insulin needs. While it's not legal to base physical size when considering employment, they'll pay extra special attention to your application and if you don't make one teensy qualification, well there goes your employment. Is it easier to learn how to program a computer, ten-key by touch, type 120 wpm, become a certified public accountant and member of the AICPA... or just go for a 20 minute walk 3 times a week?

I sometimes wish Natural Selection was still in effect more so than the ability of humans to effectively overcome it with technological advances in medicine. Fat people are slow and wheezy and full of nutrients. They would not survive. Predators would catch them and feed them to their babies.

Fat people need to look at themselves in the mirror, stop crying into their Supersized Meals, and make a commitment to get themselves on a healthier track.