To all sorority women who recruit during spring...

Hahahaha. The House doesn't. Thank God.

So Tinkerballerina from the sorority that I will term The Dancers... offhandedly asked me if we do spring recruitment. We don't. Fortunately, we've got lots of girls and we get so many more during formal Fall Recruitment that our International HQ loves us for it and we don't have to do the torturous process again in spring.

The Dancers apparently are recruiting because their numbers are shaky. It's all a numbers game in the end. The sorority with the most women who are

-pretty (but not fake)
-not overly slutty (but not prudes)
-not alcoholics (but not sober-ites)

win, in a word. We fit this description for the most part... minus the minority of The Awkwards. The frats like us, we get invited to stuff. It's all good.

The Dancers... not so much. They used to be real big on campus but they graduated a lot of girls and the ones that are left are a little hardcore. A good number of them are on the dance team and have to watch their diets, curfews, and can't risk the occasional drunken tumble for fear of breaking something important. They have to bend their bodies in unnatural positions for those dance competitions.

Anyway, so they have to talk to God knows how many Girls Who Were Rejected during Fall Rush and a limited number of genuine girls. Such a fine balance between getting your most interesting girls paired up with the best rushees and keeping these people away from The Awkwards and The Rejects. It's like... trying to treat cancer. You want to blast the bad cells to bits while preserving the good cells. Although perhaps not quite as violent. Well maybe. We don't want those Awkwards coming back.

Not to mention having to train your newly initiated fall class in the ways of recruitment. The right clothes, the right look, the right conversation. Yet not fake. Not everyone can have a cream top, Sevens jeans, and cream heels. I can see it now at an amusement park... It's a Small World After All meets Stepford: The Ride to Hell with Smiles. Honest to God it would be... after all there's a lot of chanting and skits and really wide smiles.

It's even worse for them since their International hates them or something and they're having dry rush... meaning they can't drink for the entire period of rush... which is pretty shitty for them since frats spend considerably more money on alcohol and get better quality alcohol for their rush events which will be going on at the same time as The Dancers' rush week.

I feel almost sorry for Tinkerballerina. But then I remember that she brought it upon herself. It's her "just dessert" of a Devil's Food Cake just chock full of carbs and sugar and fat and Sorority Experiences from Hell. She joined The Dancers because they were "just like her" even though she would have fit in great at The House and a lot of girls really liked her.

Oh well... her problem. While she's talking to rejected girls who are needy and eat their feelings, I will be out at Frat Rush Events. Supposedly they're having a Luau Night at The Mansion. What's better than tall, tanned, and gorgeous lacrosse players, a couple of Mai Tais, and getting "lei'd"?