There is no justice in this world...

I went shopping today for a new outfit to wear to Generic Biotech Firm Guy and Twin B's barbecue party and of course there were fat people jiggling along their merry way, still able to stuff multiple Big Macs down their fleshy sleep-apnea-snore emitting throats. And of course they take up the entire walkway so I can't even quickly go around them without actually being partially absorbed by their multiple fat rolls. So I'm forced to draft them from behind. Talk about major B.O. God it smelled like ancient gym socks from the bottom of a frat boy's hamper which haven't seen the light or fresh breath of day in the four years that he's been a member.

I wanted to projectile vomit my disgust onto them.

And wouldn't you know it... the fat fats were headed towards the same department store that I was. They even went straight to the dress that I had been eying in a catalogue so I had to quickly turn my attention elsewhere to escape their smelly jiggliness. I once again almost wanted to throw up lunch all over them so they would leave. Almost. But I was in a really nice store and you know, vomit in general isn't too healthy for the body, so I refrained.

I perused the fine jewelry counters and thought about what accessories would go well with my outfit and once the fat people left the rack with the dress on it, I went to get a closer look. It was a decent material - a linen in a deep navy blue, but it screamed "dry clean"... what with the way linen wrinkles at the slightest breath of air. Dry cleaning is currently out of my budget, given the monthly Brazilians and regular mani/pedi/hair salon trips which keep me feeling sane enough to study.

I browsed some more before I went to go consider an anchor necklace that I saw in the accessories case, and passed the fat fats, who were making a purchase at the register.

To my horror, the male fat fat casually whipped out an AMEX Black card. WHAT THE HELL. How can someone who is rich enough to have the coveted AMEX Black card, BE a fat fat??! Rich people who are that rich can afford all the personal chefs and trainers and equipment and spend all day doing lunges around their mansions and castles to NOT be a fat fat. And if not that, they could choose to suck out the fat via liposuction, obviously the more lazy and unhealthy way to do it - but that's usually at the least of a rich person's worries. And if NOTHING else, they could buy some fast pill to weight loss like that Alli pill you keep hearing about that makes you have explosive shits comprising of fatty deposits which the pill prevents your intestines from absorbing.

What the hell. How is it that some butterball OBESE and digustingly fat person (we're not talking your typical overweight here, we're talking like 4x my size... in ONE person) be that rich? It utterly boggles the mind. I understand if you have a gene which makes you PRONE to obesity... but still... something's putting that food and shoving it down down down... you have to stop blaming the genes at some point.

Ugh I was so disgusted, I almost forgot about my cute anchor pendant. But luckily I remembered to get it and it made me feel better knowing that I will look super cute in my new sundress, complete with anchor pendant and festive yacht-themed scarf. And of course a straw chapeau to shade my face from the sun.

Shopping is Stressful

One would think that a sorority girl, when not flashing people at a frat party and giving countless number of bjs, she would be shopping.

This assumption is wrong on all three counts.

Firstly, I have yet to see a sorority girl from The House or otherwise, randomly pull a Girls Gone Wild and flash someone at a frat party. Well. Except for maybe The Skank from STDs 'R' Us, but she's an exception... even in their house.

Secondly, the number of blow jobs a sorority girl gives is grossly overestimated. Grossly. No pun intended.

Thirdly, I wish I could shop all the time that I'm not a frat party. I wish I had that much disposable income and purchasing power hanging out in my adorable-yet-purchased-during-Black-Friday-sales L.A.M.B wallet.

I am entirely envious of The Daddy's Girl in The House. Her dad has an AMEX Black card. And she gets to go shopping with it. It is glorious. And I aspire to have it someday. Either by my own toil and sweat or by marriage. Hey, after all, I'm a sorority girl. All of you who say I shouldn't marry for money... well I also shouldn't base my decision on not marrying someone based on how much money he has. It goes both ways. So ha. Justification. Or something like it.

In any case... shopping is stressful when I'm looking for the ultimately perfect item to add to my closet. The perfect cashmere sweater. Just the right wash of denim. The exact color in a shirt to bring out the sparkle in my eyes. Too often the shirts are cut too long or short, the jeans have pockets that flatten rather than enhance the butt, or the flare is too much. I hate that.

But there are those glorious moments when you succeed. Although today's success was minor in comparison to finding the perfect jeans to enhance the butt (side note: apparently Victoria's Secret has these new jeans that have elastic to "lift" the butt...), it was still nevertheless a success.

I saved up pennies from the endless sweater folding at Generic Retail Store and purchased:

+1 Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler
+1 Christian Dior Diorshow Waterproof Mascara

And it was glorious.

Each of these purchases individually are bliss in a box... and together... well... together it was quite possibly better than sex.

I know, that's hard to believe for the rogue man on here... but shopping and finding that perfect item is just an orgasmic experience in itself that you shall likely never know. Unless you're gay, in which case, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I really wish Shu Uemura and Dior would pay me for blogging about their product. Alas, I am not in their pocket. I am just a sorority girl living in a material world who likes to be pretty.

Big eyes with lashes batting... sure enough, I got the number of Tanned and Built Lifeguard upon my visit to the Club Pool this afternoon.

For more tips on big eyes and gorgeousness... visit the Anonymous Sorority Girl's Guide to Make Up and Make Overs!! Guess what, I write about what kinds of things we do as Sorority Girls to make us sparkle.

This is my blog. I can shamelessly plug my other blog on this one. So go.