Celebrity gossip is addicting and act as excellent conversation pieces during awkward silences at parties. Gossip on The Row is also addicting, but becomes the conversation piece that creates awkward silences at parties.
How is it that the socially awkward are either a) nymphomaniacs as a result of their social exclusion or b) judgmental prudes??
Apparently when The Resident was over last week and we were engaging in some fun in my bed for once, one of the socially awkward members from our newest pledge class decided to come and talk to me about being on Panhellenic. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. I would NEVER endorse her for Panhellenic. Supposedly, she heard us going at it and has since been spreading it around to everyone. What a bitch. We weren't even being loud... I asked Little #2 who lives next door and she said she heard nothing. I imagine what happened instead was that she was talking to Miss Socially Awkward (her big sis), who saw The Resident come into my room earlier and then put it together when she tried to come in and the door was locked.
Miss Socially Awkward herself makes poor sexual decisions and is often seen making the walk of shame following a night of being spotted sucking face with some equally awkward boy... usually a freshman. Yet, you never hear this shit coming from her bitchy and judgmental prudish little. Queen Prude instead decides to launch an attack on me and has been systematically spreading it around to everyone that I am a whore. Then last night, as I arrived at The Charter House annual HO HO HO Party, everything turned to whispers and glances in my direction. Then The Flirt came and told me what he had heard and whether or not it was true... of course like any good rumor, this got twisted around so by the time it got to him, the gossip turned into me having a threesome with two of The Row's whoriest girls in a fraternity's basement, which is a ridiculous absurdity all on its own. First of all, if I were in a threesome, it would be with two other guys, NOT two other girls. Second: I would not be caught dead having sex in a fraternity basement.
Of course, I traced it to Queen Prudy because she stupidly made it her story in a pathetic and desperate attempt to raise her own social status and as soon as she made an appearance at The House for lunch, I bitched her out in front of everyone. She didn't know what was coming to her. Of course after I called her out on it, Miss Socially Awkward felt obligated to butt her fat ass into the conversation in defense of her little, at which point I asked her if she would like to share with everyone the story behind her most recent walk of shame. She turned about 15 shades of red and walked away as Queen Prudy stared open-mouthed in shock. Amazing how some little sisters can be so oblivious to their bigs' extracurricular activities.
In any case, I've been doing damage control. For the most part, this has blown over and once everyone discovered the source to be Queen Prudy, they all dismissed it. Still, The Row is full of sorority girls who jump at the opportunity for interesting pieces of gossip so I imagine this will linger for some time... especially since everyone knew me as part of Panhell. For some reason, once you're on Panhell and everyone knows your name, that makes rumors about you worth just that much more.
Socially awkward prudes should never join sororities. Of course, they somehow manage to perpetuate themselves and survive like fucking cockroaches through nuclear war. Honestly, I wonder if this prudy breed of the socially awkward are just uptight bitches just because they've never had sex. If they did or at least did properly, they wouldn't walk around all day like they had a corkscrew up their asses. Maybe that's it. They're trying to preserve their technical purity or whatever and just consent to anal.
I could take the so-called "high road" and "forget" this incident... but where's the fun in that. Besides, I subscribe to the belief that luck is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Bitch picked the wrong person to mess with. This is so not over.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hell Week
Not Pledge Hell Week (although that is quickly approaching).
I had every midterm last week plus a paper. Not to mention additional drama thanks to The Nana.
The Nana flew in to "have a serious discussion" with me about how I still am not on speaking terms with The Older Brother. Of course, I wasn't informed of this meeting so when she came up to The House, I was sitting in my room with The Guitar Hero. And since the forces of the universe are hellbent against me, The Guitar Hero sprung at the chance to meet a member of my family... the catch being that the person he was about to meet already hated his guts. Of course, The Nana already knew who he was and immediately told him that she had no interest in speaking with him and that her granddaughter could do so much better if only she weren't so stubborn and lazy about finding a decent man.
Thanks Nana, you're TOO kind. I was pissed as hell that she just showed up and even more angry because she just insulted The Guitar Hero AND me to both of our faces. But I couldn't bring myself to yell obscenities at my grandmother. That probably wouldn't fly so well with anyone in my family since she's the unofficial matriarch.
Of course, The Guitar Hero felt that both his and my honor were sullied and stupidly proceeded to disagree with her. He asked what she meant about me being "too lazy to find a man" and she quickly retorted that she didn't have to reply because he was too immature and stupid to understand. He pressed on and said that he had a right to know why he wasn't a "decent man" and then she criticized everything from his looks to his family background and ended on the fact that he was a brother of The Mansion. Then she told him that if it weren't for him, I would be dating "someone worthy" who would be able to satisfy my every desire.
Now this is when things get fucked up. She then said that he obviously could not satisfy me sexually because he, like all Mansion men, have small packages. That's right, my dear darling OLD Nana decided to play the sex card. I couldn't even get in a word to my defense, she immediately turned to me and said, "Your mother told me. If you didn't have sex, I would be worried. But you really should choose your partners better. You'll enjoy it more that way."
I was torn between laughing that my grandmother just told my boyfriend off for lacking in the sex department and crying because there is absolutely nothing more horrific than your grandmother telling your boyfriend that he is ill-equipped and then telling you that she knows that you have sex. I wonder if the grandchildren of the old lady sex specialist on late night TV feel as horrified. I do.
The fun didn't stop there. The Guitar Hero then told The Nana that he can satisfy me plenty because I scream loud enough for all of the adjacent rooms to hear while we have sex. (At this point, I'd like to deviate from the story for a moment to let you know that this is not factually true... the walls at The Mansion are soundproof so that they can have parties without disturbing bros who need to study.)
Oh, and then The Sorority Prodigy walked into my room just in time to hear that last comment.
I think The Nana has Tourette's or something because then she proceeded to sing a dirty song from The House about The Mansion which clearly made them seem like sexually impotent douchebags. I'd heard this song before but certainly never sang it outside the context of The House. And I certainly never expected my respectable (supposedly) grandmother to belt it out. Apparently this song came from The Nana's time at The House. As if I weren't traumatized enough for one weekend.
I think that's when The Guitar Hero got up, kissed me, and left. I proceeded to throw The Nana out... as politely as possible. Nevertheless I was called no later than five minutes after seeing her to the front door and The Mother was attempting to get me to reconcile with The Nana. Three minutes after that, The Cool Aunt called to find out what went down and what's this about screaming so loud that other frat boys could hear. So basically the entire family knows about my sexcapades, true or not.
And somehow The Guitar Hero is not happy with me despite the fact that he was the one who picked the fight with The Nana. There is no pleasing anyone.
I kick ass at diffusing conflict and placating people to a degree. But honestly, not even the most sororitay of sororitay girls could get out of this one seamlessly.
I had every midterm last week plus a paper. Not to mention additional drama thanks to The Nana.
The Nana flew in to "have a serious discussion" with me about how I still am not on speaking terms with The Older Brother. Of course, I wasn't informed of this meeting so when she came up to The House, I was sitting in my room with The Guitar Hero. And since the forces of the universe are hellbent against me, The Guitar Hero sprung at the chance to meet a member of my family... the catch being that the person he was about to meet already hated his guts. Of course, The Nana already knew who he was and immediately told him that she had no interest in speaking with him and that her granddaughter could do so much better if only she weren't so stubborn and lazy about finding a decent man.
Thanks Nana, you're TOO kind. I was pissed as hell that she just showed up and even more angry because she just insulted The Guitar Hero AND me to both of our faces. But I couldn't bring myself to yell obscenities at my grandmother. That probably wouldn't fly so well with anyone in my family since she's the unofficial matriarch.
Of course, The Guitar Hero felt that both his and my honor were sullied and stupidly proceeded to disagree with her. He asked what she meant about me being "too lazy to find a man" and she quickly retorted that she didn't have to reply because he was too immature and stupid to understand. He pressed on and said that he had a right to know why he wasn't a "decent man" and then she criticized everything from his looks to his family background and ended on the fact that he was a brother of The Mansion. Then she told him that if it weren't for him, I would be dating "someone worthy" who would be able to satisfy my every desire.
Now this is when things get fucked up. She then said that he obviously could not satisfy me sexually because he, like all Mansion men, have small packages. That's right, my dear darling OLD Nana decided to play the sex card. I couldn't even get in a word to my defense, she immediately turned to me and said, "Your mother told me. If you didn't have sex, I would be worried. But you really should choose your partners better. You'll enjoy it more that way."
I was torn between laughing that my grandmother just told my boyfriend off for lacking in the sex department and crying because there is absolutely nothing more horrific than your grandmother telling your boyfriend that he is ill-equipped and then telling you that she knows that you have sex. I wonder if the grandchildren of the old lady sex specialist on late night TV feel as horrified. I do.
The fun didn't stop there. The Guitar Hero then told The Nana that he can satisfy me plenty because I scream loud enough for all of the adjacent rooms to hear while we have sex. (At this point, I'd like to deviate from the story for a moment to let you know that this is not factually true... the walls at The Mansion are soundproof so that they can have parties without disturbing bros who need to study.)
Oh, and then The Sorority Prodigy walked into my room just in time to hear that last comment.
I think The Nana has Tourette's or something because then she proceeded to sing a dirty song from The House about The Mansion which clearly made them seem like sexually impotent douchebags. I'd heard this song before but certainly never sang it outside the context of The House. And I certainly never expected my respectable (supposedly) grandmother to belt it out. Apparently this song came from The Nana's time at The House. As if I weren't traumatized enough for one weekend.
I think that's when The Guitar Hero got up, kissed me, and left. I proceeded to throw The Nana out... as politely as possible. Nevertheless I was called no later than five minutes after seeing her to the front door and The Mother was attempting to get me to reconcile with The Nana. Three minutes after that, The Cool Aunt called to find out what went down and what's this about screaming so loud that other frat boys could hear. So basically the entire family knows about my sexcapades, true or not.
And somehow The Guitar Hero is not happy with me despite the fact that he was the one who picked the fight with The Nana. There is no pleasing anyone.
I kick ass at diffusing conflict and placating people to a degree. But honestly, not even the most sororitay of sororitay girls could get out of this one seamlessly.
Friday, June 20, 2008
It seems that insanity is more prevalent during the full moon...
I just read an article that The News Junkie of The House emailed out... that some girls from Massachusetts supposedly made a pact to get pregnant together. All of them are under age 16.
One even got knocked up by a 24 year old homeless guy!! (check it out here if you wish Pregnancy Pact)
What the hell were they thinking?
There's speculation that they wanted someone to love them unconditionally, because they weren't getting it from boys or parents or whatever. What the fuck. Just because you pop out a kid does not mean you're going to get a little mini-you that is programmed to love you. And actually, when you hear screaming and crying at 3 am, I imagine you won't love it very much either.
In fact, unless you are well-established with job security and strong family support, there are tons of reasons that children will only serve to make your life miserable from day one. One girl from The House got pregnant last year and it was NOT a pretty sight. She decided to keep it for a veritable host of reasons (mainly religion and because she had the luxury of choosing due to her family's ability to support the added burden). At the time, I was in a bunch of reproductive health classes and I witnessed what I learned first hand, which was educational and whatnot for me, but massively sucky for her.
Everyone who does not fall under the category of well-established and in a secure point in their lives who is making a child with the person whom they love and who loves them... should read the following and if you still want to have a child, you should be taken to a mental institution.
Babies may be cute... but remember that during pregnancy, fetuses are essentially parasitic leeches. They take over your body and use it as a host: sucking your life force, nutrients, and will to live out of you. In fact, we learned in Human Reproduction that if an expecting mother doesn't get enough calcium to support the baby as well, the baby will steal it from the mother's bones. Hello future osteoporosis. Sadly, while they suck nutrients out of your body, they manage to force you to gain anywhere from 20-50lbs and give you unsightly stretch marks which are pretty much here to stay.
Pregnancy is not glamorous. The Pregnant Girl in The House puked every morning and sometimes into the afternoons. She missed a lot of class while collapsed over a toilet. Really. This is college. If anything she should have been puking because she drank too much, but no. Ankles retain fluid and suddenly shoes don't fit right anymore. You will not be able to walk properly and will instead be subjugated to waddling. Not to mention you will be hot all the time and unable to find a comfortable position to sleep once you really start to get big. Did I mention really weird cravings and heartburn? And once that baby starts moving around, he or she will find the exact position to make you most miserable.
Oh yes, and the incessant need to pee. That baby will lodge itself in the precise position to kick your bladder just for fun. The Pregnant Girl in The House had to pee all the freaking time. Not only that, this one time when she was about 7 months, she fell in the toilet and needed help getting up. It was definitely not cute.
And of course, that's just all the beginning.
Pregnancy often involves lots of needles. Not your average syringe needles...we're talking the big kahunas. During an amniocentesis, which tests the amniotic fluid surrounding the fetus for gender as well as deformities, the doctor sticks a rather long needle into your abdomen or vagina to broach the placenta. Though they use local anesthetic, this is not a pleasant experience. Also, once you go into labor, if you opt for the epidural, you're going to get one long ass needle up your spine, which serves to block off all nerve signals to the brain from your lower body.
And of course you've had to have seen movies depicting labor. Let me tell you, the movie Knocked Up was tame in comparison. The Pregnant Girl was screaming her head off every time she had a contraction and practically ready to start throwing objects that surrounded her bedside. Luckily, a nurse was wise enough to place these just out of her reach. Then during the actual labor process, doctors often have to take scissors and cut your vaginal opening to make it bigger for the baby to pass through without tearing. Cut. That's right. Because apparently clean cuts are easier to stitch up than tears. Think about THAT.
And then once it's all over, you have a child. A baby that will scream, cry, and ooze fluids of various colors and viscosities out of its every orifice. This process usually occurs at inopportune times like 3 am in the morning, which massively sucks in itself, let alone if you have work or school the next morning. The screaming will stop once you pick up the baby and feed it and rock it but once you set him or her down, the crying will commence once more.
Your body will still be doing weird things. Like oozing milk from your breasts, which will then cause you to resort buying bra pads to absorb the excess. They will also hurt if they're too full of milk so you'll probably need to invest in a milk pump.
And then there are the added financial burdens. The base average that I've read in the first year of life... is a whopping $10,000. And this is just for the BARE minimum. Don't forget all the work hours you won't have since you'll be too tired or unable to find work due to lack of affordable daycare.
Then when you don't have time to properly raise your baby and start disciplining them from the start, they turn into little terrors which evolve into bratty tweens and then you get your breed of future idiots and general drains on society.
Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. The Pregnant Girl happens to have parents who are well off and grudgingly willing to help her out. The agreement is that they will help raise the baby if she finishes school and gets into a real career. She's lucky. But guess what, even if you want unconditional love, you can't always have it since she can only see her baby on weekends or when she has time. Forget hanging out with friends, all of your time will be divided on work and the baby. The Pregnant Girl had to deactivate from The House because she just doesn't have time to be an active. She didn't have a choice.
Don't be stupid and make stupid choices without examining the facts. The whole childbirth/childrearing experience will come in time when you can actually experience the joys because you won't be constantly worried or preoccupied with the horrors. I hate when I read about people voluntarily doing things to make their life unnecessarily complicated.
What really took the cake though, was the fact that the doctor and the nurse at the school clinic resigned due to inability to distribute contraceptives confidentially. While I applaud their stand for contraceptives as another choice, do they REALLY think that was the issue here? Assuming that these girls were seeking to get pregnant, obviously they wouldn't have used birth control even if it were available to them. The root of the problem was not lack of contraceptives, it was the fact that they only chose to see the bright side of pregnancy and ignore all of the crap. In the end, they may not be to blame. After all, why would they need to make unconditional love if they received it or had support or someone to talk to them? Based on this story alone, I can't lay blame on the parents either... who knows what the real facts are? But somewhere along the way, there was a misconnect... whether it be in the support system or the inability to communicate the girls' wants and needs properly.
I can't wait to leave on the cruise and forget about sad stories like this about people making stupid decisions.
One even got knocked up by a 24 year old homeless guy!! (check it out here if you wish Pregnancy Pact)
What the hell were they thinking?
There's speculation that they wanted someone to love them unconditionally, because they weren't getting it from boys or parents or whatever. What the fuck. Just because you pop out a kid does not mean you're going to get a little mini-you that is programmed to love you. And actually, when you hear screaming and crying at 3 am, I imagine you won't love it very much either.
In fact, unless you are well-established with job security and strong family support, there are tons of reasons that children will only serve to make your life miserable from day one. One girl from The House got pregnant last year and it was NOT a pretty sight. She decided to keep it for a veritable host of reasons (mainly religion and because she had the luxury of choosing due to her family's ability to support the added burden). At the time, I was in a bunch of reproductive health classes and I witnessed what I learned first hand, which was educational and whatnot for me, but massively sucky for her.
Everyone who does not fall under the category of well-established and in a secure point in their lives who is making a child with the person whom they love and who loves them... should read the following and if you still want to have a child, you should be taken to a mental institution.
Babies may be cute... but remember that during pregnancy, fetuses are essentially parasitic leeches. They take over your body and use it as a host: sucking your life force, nutrients, and will to live out of you. In fact, we learned in Human Reproduction that if an expecting mother doesn't get enough calcium to support the baby as well, the baby will steal it from the mother's bones. Hello future osteoporosis. Sadly, while they suck nutrients out of your body, they manage to force you to gain anywhere from 20-50lbs and give you unsightly stretch marks which are pretty much here to stay.
Pregnancy is not glamorous. The Pregnant Girl in The House puked every morning and sometimes into the afternoons. She missed a lot of class while collapsed over a toilet. Really. This is college. If anything she should have been puking because she drank too much, but no. Ankles retain fluid and suddenly shoes don't fit right anymore. You will not be able to walk properly and will instead be subjugated to waddling. Not to mention you will be hot all the time and unable to find a comfortable position to sleep once you really start to get big. Did I mention really weird cravings and heartburn? And once that baby starts moving around, he or she will find the exact position to make you most miserable.
Oh yes, and the incessant need to pee. That baby will lodge itself in the precise position to kick your bladder just for fun. The Pregnant Girl in The House had to pee all the freaking time. Not only that, this one time when she was about 7 months, she fell in the toilet and needed help getting up. It was definitely not cute.
And of course, that's just all the beginning.
Pregnancy often involves lots of needles. Not your average syringe needles...we're talking the big kahunas. During an amniocentesis, which tests the amniotic fluid surrounding the fetus for gender as well as deformities, the doctor sticks a rather long needle into your abdomen or vagina to broach the placenta. Though they use local anesthetic, this is not a pleasant experience. Also, once you go into labor, if you opt for the epidural, you're going to get one long ass needle up your spine, which serves to block off all nerve signals to the brain from your lower body.
And of course you've had to have seen movies depicting labor. Let me tell you, the movie Knocked Up was tame in comparison. The Pregnant Girl was screaming her head off every time she had a contraction and practically ready to start throwing objects that surrounded her bedside. Luckily, a nurse was wise enough to place these just out of her reach. Then during the actual labor process, doctors often have to take scissors and cut your vaginal opening to make it bigger for the baby to pass through without tearing. Cut. That's right. Because apparently clean cuts are easier to stitch up than tears. Think about THAT.
And then once it's all over, you have a child. A baby that will scream, cry, and ooze fluids of various colors and viscosities out of its every orifice. This process usually occurs at inopportune times like 3 am in the morning, which massively sucks in itself, let alone if you have work or school the next morning. The screaming will stop once you pick up the baby and feed it and rock it but once you set him or her down, the crying will commence once more.
Your body will still be doing weird things. Like oozing milk from your breasts, which will then cause you to resort buying bra pads to absorb the excess. They will also hurt if they're too full of milk so you'll probably need to invest in a milk pump.
And then there are the added financial burdens. The base average that I've read in the first year of life... is a whopping $10,000. And this is just for the BARE minimum. Don't forget all the work hours you won't have since you'll be too tired or unable to find work due to lack of affordable daycare.
Then when you don't have time to properly raise your baby and start disciplining them from the start, they turn into little terrors which evolve into bratty tweens and then you get your breed of future idiots and general drains on society.
Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. The Pregnant Girl happens to have parents who are well off and grudgingly willing to help her out. The agreement is that they will help raise the baby if she finishes school and gets into a real career. She's lucky. But guess what, even if you want unconditional love, you can't always have it since she can only see her baby on weekends or when she has time. Forget hanging out with friends, all of your time will be divided on work and the baby. The Pregnant Girl had to deactivate from The House because she just doesn't have time to be an active. She didn't have a choice.
Don't be stupid and make stupid choices without examining the facts. The whole childbirth/childrearing experience will come in time when you can actually experience the joys because you won't be constantly worried or preoccupied with the horrors. I hate when I read about people voluntarily doing things to make their life unnecessarily complicated.
What really took the cake though, was the fact that the doctor and the nurse at the school clinic resigned due to inability to distribute contraceptives confidentially. While I applaud their stand for contraceptives as another choice, do they REALLY think that was the issue here? Assuming that these girls were seeking to get pregnant, obviously they wouldn't have used birth control even if it were available to them. The root of the problem was not lack of contraceptives, it was the fact that they only chose to see the bright side of pregnancy and ignore all of the crap. In the end, they may not be to blame. After all, why would they need to make unconditional love if they received it or had support or someone to talk to them? Based on this story alone, I can't lay blame on the parents either... who knows what the real facts are? But somewhere along the way, there was a misconnect... whether it be in the support system or the inability to communicate the girls' wants and needs properly.
I can't wait to leave on the cruise and forget about sad stories like this about people making stupid decisions.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Most Girls Get Candy and Flowers on Valentine's Day... I got a Soap Opera
Valentine's Day. Cupid needs to be shot with his own fucking arrows. It began as a quiet day and I thought it was going to be nice. The Guitar Hero met me for lunch, gave me a rose, and told me to get ready for a surprise. It was nice. The day passed fairly uneventfully minus the occasional girl who was walking with balloons that had a little trouble staying on the ground when the wind picked up.
But then I got back to my room. It was an explosion of red, pink, and white roses. Everywhere. Seriously, I think they were popping out of my dirty laundry hamper. And of course on my sofa was a ridiculously gigantic teddy bear with a note. So of course I think it was from The Guitar Hero because he kept hinting at a Valentine's surprise... but no. It wasn't from The Guitar Hero. It was from The Ex.
I haven't spoken to The Ex since we broke up six months ago... in the middle of a cruise we were on I might add. I'm so frustrated with him. Honestly I wonder what goes on in that head of his... obviously not much. He was the one who so tactfully decided to take me on a cruise and then he decided that that would be an excellent time to tell me that he wanted to see more people and do new things and that I was "in his way" and that all of his friends thought that he could do much better than me. He literally said that. What a fucking douchebag. Who the hell says that? To top it off, no way in hell could he do better than me... not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and definitely not the hottest chili in salsa. In any case, I didn't really care that much about him, it was getting old towards the end.
And then he basically broke into my room and cuteified it. What kind of message is this supposed to give me? Sure we slept together when he came to visit from State School that is 300 miles away and I helped him with various bio assignments and read over his med school app essays. And now, what, he suddenly realized that he should have appreciated me more?
I'm not even sure HOW he broke into my room! Obviously, he had to have talked to someone in The House. In addition to the fact that I locked my door that morning before heading to class. The one talent he had was that he could sweet talk. Actually, I wouldn't be too surprised if he talked to one of his bros at The Hilltop Frat since two of them are ever so conveniently dating two girls from The House. That and he had the nerve to put his fraternity pin on the disgustingly large teddy bear. That thing could crush a small child. I don't want his fucking pin. Yet this was his way of forcing me to call him. So I did. And of course he insisted on coming over and I insisted that I wouldn't open the door to let him in. And as fate would have it, The Guitar Hero text messaged me saying he was coming over. At the precise time The Ex was heading over.
I wanted to die. Really, I did. I didn't want to see The Ex. I didn't want The Guitar Hero to see The Ex. And I really didn't want to deal with it all. But of course, when I went downstairs to get The Guitar Hero, there was The Ex. And apparently they had already acquainted themselves with who they were. And apparently The Guitar Hero has already decided that we are officially going out. So he introduced himself as The Boyfriend. And The Ex... well he also introduced himself as The Boyfriend because he's an idiotic asshole. And then the fighting ensued. Let me tell you, people all up and down The Row were looking. And I am personally not strong enough to pull two guys larger than myself off of each other. I had to call some of The Guitar Hero's bros to break it up... luckily The Mansion is only a few houses up from ours.
I threw the pin at The Ex and took The Guitar Hero inside for some ice. He was also not happy about my room being broken into and decorated. He didn't bring up our relationship and I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. We ended up going to dinner and then going back to The Mansion to hang out. And he gave a diamond necklace. The Guitar Hero's family is decently rich... they own a lot of real estate and he has his own trust fund in addition to playing gigs at a local church for some serious cash. His way of solidifying our relationship I guess. I didn't have anything to say and neither did he. He simply said he hoped I liked it and walked me back home. And that was it. Honestly, I almost expected that I would need to put out for that gift. It was extravagant, especially seeing as I didn't really get him anything. But therein is the mystery of The Guitar Hero.
It's been a long last couple of days. The story of the fight between The Ex and The Guitar Hero has been buzzing around The Row. And of course, my name's been thrown around, in both good and bad lights depending on who you talk to. I really didn't need to be sororobrat gossip material this weekend. I skipped all the massive parties on this three day weekend and have basically been holed up in my room. The Guitar Hero hasn't called although I suppose it's technically my move. They say sex is a good cure for tension headaches. Maybe I will give him a call.
But then I got back to my room. It was an explosion of red, pink, and white roses. Everywhere. Seriously, I think they were popping out of my dirty laundry hamper. And of course on my sofa was a ridiculously gigantic teddy bear with a note. So of course I think it was from The Guitar Hero because he kept hinting at a Valentine's surprise... but no. It wasn't from The Guitar Hero. It was from The Ex.
I haven't spoken to The Ex since we broke up six months ago... in the middle of a cruise we were on I might add. I'm so frustrated with him. Honestly I wonder what goes on in that head of his... obviously not much. He was the one who so tactfully decided to take me on a cruise and then he decided that that would be an excellent time to tell me that he wanted to see more people and do new things and that I was "in his way" and that all of his friends thought that he could do much better than me. He literally said that. What a fucking douchebag. Who the hell says that? To top it off, no way in hell could he do better than me... not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and definitely not the hottest chili in salsa. In any case, I didn't really care that much about him, it was getting old towards the end.
And then he basically broke into my room and cuteified it. What kind of message is this supposed to give me? Sure we slept together when he came to visit from State School that is 300 miles away and I helped him with various bio assignments and read over his med school app essays. And now, what, he suddenly realized that he should have appreciated me more?
I'm not even sure HOW he broke into my room! Obviously, he had to have talked to someone in The House. In addition to the fact that I locked my door that morning before heading to class. The one talent he had was that he could sweet talk. Actually, I wouldn't be too surprised if he talked to one of his bros at The Hilltop Frat since two of them are ever so conveniently dating two girls from The House. That and he had the nerve to put his fraternity pin on the disgustingly large teddy bear. That thing could crush a small child. I don't want his fucking pin. Yet this was his way of forcing me to call him. So I did. And of course he insisted on coming over and I insisted that I wouldn't open the door to let him in. And as fate would have it, The Guitar Hero text messaged me saying he was coming over. At the precise time The Ex was heading over.
I wanted to die. Really, I did. I didn't want to see The Ex. I didn't want The Guitar Hero to see The Ex. And I really didn't want to deal with it all. But of course, when I went downstairs to get The Guitar Hero, there was The Ex. And apparently they had already acquainted themselves with who they were. And apparently The Guitar Hero has already decided that we are officially going out. So he introduced himself as The Boyfriend. And The Ex... well he also introduced himself as The Boyfriend because he's an idiotic asshole. And then the fighting ensued. Let me tell you, people all up and down The Row were looking. And I am personally not strong enough to pull two guys larger than myself off of each other. I had to call some of The Guitar Hero's bros to break it up... luckily The Mansion is only a few houses up from ours.
I threw the pin at The Ex and took The Guitar Hero inside for some ice. He was also not happy about my room being broken into and decorated. He didn't bring up our relationship and I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. We ended up going to dinner and then going back to The Mansion to hang out. And he gave a diamond necklace. The Guitar Hero's family is decently rich... they own a lot of real estate and he has his own trust fund in addition to playing gigs at a local church for some serious cash. His way of solidifying our relationship I guess. I didn't have anything to say and neither did he. He simply said he hoped I liked it and walked me back home. And that was it. Honestly, I almost expected that I would need to put out for that gift. It was extravagant, especially seeing as I didn't really get him anything. But therein is the mystery of The Guitar Hero.
It's been a long last couple of days. The story of the fight between The Ex and The Guitar Hero has been buzzing around The Row. And of course, my name's been thrown around, in both good and bad lights depending on who you talk to. I really didn't need to be sororobrat gossip material this weekend. I skipped all the massive parties on this three day weekend and have basically been holed up in my room. The Guitar Hero hasn't called although I suppose it's technically my move. They say sex is a good cure for tension headaches. Maybe I will give him a call.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Foam, like champagne, is light, bubbly, and therefore fun
Foam parties are SO much fun.
Minus the fact that it's freezing outside so showing up to the party in a bikini is a little painful... but it's not wise to bring things to a foam party... they get lost in the foam. I feel a little bad for the bros at The Cave... I mean I guess the darkness set the mood for the foam party, but cleaning up that shit must be horrible. Ironic, because they're cleaning up soap basically... but still horrible.
That and people have been known to have sex in the foam. That's just gross. Tempting, because it's like sex in a giant bathtub, but disgusting for everyone else involved. Especially cuz the condoms disappear and aren't found until the bros start cleaning up.
But that's not my problem. Foam parties are awesome.
I can't wait for this party season to really get under way.
Minus the fact that it's freezing outside so showing up to the party in a bikini is a little painful... but it's not wise to bring things to a foam party... they get lost in the foam. I feel a little bad for the bros at The Cave... I mean I guess the darkness set the mood for the foam party, but cleaning up that shit must be horrible. Ironic, because they're cleaning up soap basically... but still horrible.
That and people have been known to have sex in the foam. That's just gross. Tempting, because it's like sex in a giant bathtub, but disgusting for everyone else involved. Especially cuz the condoms disappear and aren't found until the bros start cleaning up.
But that's not my problem. Foam parties are awesome.
I can't wait for this party season to really get under way.
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