You don't want to mess with The House... we'll trash your asses

I am fully pleased with the performance of The House after last night's raid attempt. The brothers of The Hilltop House decided to attempt to drunkenly steal our composite... among other things like thongs to pretend they had scored. Last night was actually a decently opportune time to do it since there were a number of invitationals going on and The Row was relatively quiet for a Thursday night.

I was hanging out in my room and then I hear thuds and when I go look there are about four guys that climbed in via the trellis that we have on the side. Granted, they had some rope and other crap with them... it was still not an easy thing to do. It was still fairly amusing... they fell into our third floor because apparently being drunk makes you blind to the fact that you have to pass the second floor in order to get to the third floor. They were especially stupid since there were more open windows on the second floor than there were on the third floor.

I called up a few girls and since The Hot One is dating our school's star quarterback, we had no problem recruiting a few boys to help take the drunken retards down. Of course once we had them tied down in chairs with their own rope and a few random zip ties supplied by The Engineer of The House, we had to punish them. And what better way to punish them than with make up. That's right, we called up some of The Awkwards who need a little practice doing theirs so that they don't look like crazed hookers or little girls who fell into mommy's makeup drawer.

There were mixed results. Some have improved markedly in their blush and eyeshadow application while others... still need some help. In the end though, those Hilltop men didn't know what hit them. Mostly because they were drunk off their asses and by the time we were done, they were passed out. We took them back to their place and tied them to their fence. Let me tell you, the sight on the way to class this morning was totally worth it. A small crowd had gathered and I wouldn't be surprised if this makes front page news on The University's Newspaper come Monday morning.

Our success in retaliation has been going up and down The Row all day... it's great. One of The Awkwards was saying how she felt so bad doing it... but what's there to feel bad about!? They're the ones who tried to break into The House and steal things. It was totally in self-defense. Besides, it wasn't like they sent pledges to attempt to get something. If that were the case, we would have helped their pledges out, gave them brownies and cupcakes and sent them on their way with kisses on the cheek. But no, full grown bros need to learn the hard way.

Events like this make me love being part of The House.

Shopping is Stressful

One would think that a sorority girl, when not flashing people at a frat party and giving countless number of bjs, she would be shopping.

This assumption is wrong on all three counts.

Firstly, I have yet to see a sorority girl from The House or otherwise, randomly pull a Girls Gone Wild and flash someone at a frat party. Well. Except for maybe The Skank from STDs 'R' Us, but she's an exception... even in their house.

Secondly, the number of blow jobs a sorority girl gives is grossly overestimated. Grossly. No pun intended.

Thirdly, I wish I could shop all the time that I'm not a frat party. I wish I had that much disposable income and purchasing power hanging out in my adorable-yet-purchased-during-Black-Friday-sales L.A.M.B wallet.

I am entirely envious of The Daddy's Girl in The House. Her dad has an AMEX Black card. And she gets to go shopping with it. It is glorious. And I aspire to have it someday. Either by my own toil and sweat or by marriage. Hey, after all, I'm a sorority girl. All of you who say I shouldn't marry for money... well I also shouldn't base my decision on not marrying someone based on how much money he has. It goes both ways. So ha. Justification. Or something like it.

In any case... shopping is stressful when I'm looking for the ultimately perfect item to add to my closet. The perfect cashmere sweater. Just the right wash of denim. The exact color in a shirt to bring out the sparkle in my eyes. Too often the shirts are cut too long or short, the jeans have pockets that flatten rather than enhance the butt, or the flare is too much. I hate that.

But there are those glorious moments when you succeed. Although today's success was minor in comparison to finding the perfect jeans to enhance the butt (side note: apparently Victoria's Secret has these new jeans that have elastic to "lift" the butt...), it was still nevertheless a success.

I saved up pennies from the endless sweater folding at Generic Retail Store and purchased:

+1 Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler
+1 Christian Dior Diorshow Waterproof Mascara

And it was glorious.

Each of these purchases individually are bliss in a box... and together... well... together it was quite possibly better than sex.

I know, that's hard to believe for the rogue man on here... but shopping and finding that perfect item is just an orgasmic experience in itself that you shall likely never know. Unless you're gay, in which case, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I really wish Shu Uemura and Dior would pay me for blogging about their product. Alas, I am not in their pocket. I am just a sorority girl living in a material world who likes to be pretty.

Big eyes with lashes batting... sure enough, I got the number of Tanned and Built Lifeguard upon my visit to the Club Pool this afternoon.

For more tips on big eyes and gorgeousness... visit the Anonymous Sorority Girl's Guide to Make Up and Make Overs!! Guess what, I write about what kinds of things we do as Sorority Girls to make us sparkle.

This is my blog. I can shamelessly plug my other blog on this one. So go.

I hate how I have to put on make up just to go run a stupid errand.

I put on a decent amount of make up today. Foundation, concealer, powder, bronzer, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss. To do what? Deposit a paycheck and buy tampons. So much effort required to leave my house.

I hate that possibility of running into someone and not looking my best. You run into someone you rarely see and they'll start telling people they saw you looking like crap and that's how people will think you look on a day to day basis. Plus, what happens if some hot guy at Ubiquitous Coffee Shop 'Round the Corner is working? If you look like crap, he probably won't ask you out.

I can be superficial at times, but I have my reasons. So I want to be pretty, there's nothing wrong with that. Stop judging me, assholes.