So if you haven't been on the site Texts from Last Night... you should go. I have some fun additions that I've been receiving in the past couple of nights... weekends are always so dependable for the drunken and/or confused text.
(The Rich Bitch): @ the cape. Drunk, horny, craving crabs.
My reply: Honey, drink water & rethink what you just text me. Crab, no s, = seafood craving.
(Twin A): So apparently when I get really trashed on jaeger bombs, I turn into a stripper.
My reply: ... where are you exactly??
(Twin A): Now inside bf's apt. Earlier @ Twin B's on patio. Bf dragged me inside & said I kept pulling clothes off.
(The Older Brother): Drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker, drink!
My reply: I'm already drinking... maybe you should ease up... also on the singing.
(The Older Brother): Everybody driinnnk!!!
(The Flirt): I'm so hiiiiiiigh high above you I'm so lovely.
My reply: Lol not how that song goes, but ok get ur msg.
(The Flirt): Come over! I'll get a keg!
My reply: Don't u think 165 cans' worth of beer is a lil much for 2 ppl?
(The Flirt): Never!
And my personal favorite...
(The Panhell Director of Communications): I think I'm pregnant.
My reply: What?!?! When? How?
(The Panhell DoC): Haha April Fools!
My reply: ... it's not April.
(The Panhell DoC): It is in Wonderland!
My reply: ... are you okay?
That one just happened just about 3am this morning and shortly after, I got a phone call from her number and it was her boyfriend saying she was tripping but fine. I'm spending the night at The Resident's and he mumbled to keep her hydrated for the next 12 hours or so more or less in his sleep.
Then at about 5:30, his pager went off and they needed him at the hospital. He kissed me awake and told me to stay here... so here I am. He called a little while ago and left a message to say he would be back soon with breakfast, which is always exciting. I'm still a little sleepy so when he gets here, I might try to convince him to spend the whole day in bed with me. What a nice and completely lazy thought.
Showing posts with label Drunky Drunk Theatre. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drunky Drunk Theatre. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Recover, Rest, Rally
I haven't been THAT drunk in a LONG time.
The Pageant Princess, The Sorority Prodigy, and I went to The Charter House to hear some dirty limericks and join in on the St. Patrick's Day festivities. The second I got there, The Flirt ran up to me with cups of "The Green Goblin"... the green version of their jungle juice. Of course boys being boys, they named it after an evil villain. The sign on the big cooler was a sketch of the Green Goblin. The Sorority Prodigy and I replaced it halfway through the night with a picture of Shrek.
Anyway, I don't know the exact formulation of The Green Goblin jungle juice, but something tells me that the green didn't come from food coloring and instead came from absinthe. There definitely was a funky aftertaste that I'd never tasted before. And then after two cups of that, we went straight to rounds of flip cup with green beer, which progressed into beirut... The Flirt and me vs. The Sorority Prodigy and The Swimmer. And then we switched. I will say that The Sorority Prodigy and I kicked massive ass. It's basically classic beirut rules - elbows not beyond the edge of the table, blowing balls out of cups and fingering balls out of cups allowed. We fingered and blew all of their balls out of our cups, so The Flirt and The Swimmer ended that round with no cups sunk and thus had to suffer the consequences. They had to run around the block butt naked. But we were a little merciful because it's still freezing outside and I really don't need to see them in that condition, so they conceded to streaking around in their boxers.
We left at some point that I don't quite remember clearly and I came over to The Mansion, took some Advil, a handful of vitamins, and drank a bottle of water before passing out in The Guitar Hero's bed. I'm here now actually and it's ridiculously early in the morning. I always somehow manage to wake up early after a long night of drinking. I have a slight headache but I probably just need some water.
And then tonight at midnight, a bunch of us are going out again because it's The Shopaholic's 21st birthday. I'm going to have to take it easy and cut back on all the empty calories.
Anyway, I'm going back to bed because it's unnecessarily early. I may or may not go to class today.
The Pageant Princess, The Sorority Prodigy, and I went to The Charter House to hear some dirty limericks and join in on the St. Patrick's Day festivities. The second I got there, The Flirt ran up to me with cups of "The Green Goblin"... the green version of their jungle juice. Of course boys being boys, they named it after an evil villain. The sign on the big cooler was a sketch of the Green Goblin. The Sorority Prodigy and I replaced it halfway through the night with a picture of Shrek.
Anyway, I don't know the exact formulation of The Green Goblin jungle juice, but something tells me that the green didn't come from food coloring and instead came from absinthe. There definitely was a funky aftertaste that I'd never tasted before. And then after two cups of that, we went straight to rounds of flip cup with green beer, which progressed into beirut... The Flirt and me vs. The Sorority Prodigy and The Swimmer. And then we switched. I will say that The Sorority Prodigy and I kicked massive ass. It's basically classic beirut rules - elbows not beyond the edge of the table, blowing balls out of cups and fingering balls out of cups allowed. We fingered and blew all of their balls out of our cups, so The Flirt and The Swimmer ended that round with no cups sunk and thus had to suffer the consequences. They had to run around the block butt naked. But we were a little merciful because it's still freezing outside and I really don't need to see them in that condition, so they conceded to streaking around in their boxers.
We left at some point that I don't quite remember clearly and I came over to The Mansion, took some Advil, a handful of vitamins, and drank a bottle of water before passing out in The Guitar Hero's bed. I'm here now actually and it's ridiculously early in the morning. I always somehow manage to wake up early after a long night of drinking. I have a slight headache but I probably just need some water.
And then tonight at midnight, a bunch of us are going out again because it's The Shopaholic's 21st birthday. I'm going to have to take it easy and cut back on all the empty calories.
Anyway, I'm going back to bed because it's unnecessarily early. I may or may not go to class today.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I love saying "I told you so"
Frat boys are so stupid. So there's this guy, The Inker, at Hilltop House... the boy has sleeves documenting his poor taste in choosing tattoos while drunk. And other assorted more exotic locations south of the border.
Well he was at it again this weekend... I saw him wasted on Friday and he asked me what I thought of his idea. I pretty much said it was probably not smart. He disappeared and apparently got a tattoo commemorating his love to this girl he really likes and hooks up with quite a bit. Apparently he's not phased with having this girl's name on his body glaring at his future wife. But yes so his brilliant idea... was to get a tattoo of a guy getting a tattoo that said "I love (insert girl's initials here)".
First off... how unnecessarily stupid. Why not scrub the middle man and just get the message? It'd be cheaper too since it'd be less labor intensive... but I swear The Inker treats his tats like designer clothing. I suppose in a way it is designer body art, but seriously his idea was just impractical. Especially since the message was going to be one that wasn't particularly meaningful.
Actually it would still have been fine... maybe even a little cool because it was a tattoo within a tattoo... kind of like Hamlet's play within a play (damn you Upper division Shakespearean Tragedies!) but he failed to take into account the initials of the girl he's dating. That's right... his tattoo of a guy getting a tattoo now reads "I love STD". I actually don't know who to feel more sorry for... The Inker... or the girl since STD really is such a horrible set of initials. What the hell were her parents thinking??
Anyway, The Inker didn't notice until I asked him about it today. That was sad. Granted he was drunk when he got inked... but for 3 days he didn't notice. And now he's forever going to have I <3 STD on his body, effectively blowing to pieces his chance of ever getting ass ever again.
Hahaha... it's mean but it's funny for me. Extremely funny.
Because I told him so. And because this is what happens when you make decisions when extremely drunk.
Well he was at it again this weekend... I saw him wasted on Friday and he asked me what I thought of his idea. I pretty much said it was probably not smart. He disappeared and apparently got a tattoo commemorating his love to this girl he really likes and hooks up with quite a bit. Apparently he's not phased with having this girl's name on his body glaring at his future wife. But yes so his brilliant idea... was to get a tattoo of a guy getting a tattoo that said "I love (insert girl's initials here)".
First off... how unnecessarily stupid. Why not scrub the middle man and just get the message? It'd be cheaper too since it'd be less labor intensive... but I swear The Inker treats his tats like designer clothing. I suppose in a way it is designer body art, but seriously his idea was just impractical. Especially since the message was going to be one that wasn't particularly meaningful.
Actually it would still have been fine... maybe even a little cool because it was a tattoo within a tattoo... kind of like Hamlet's play within a play (damn you Upper division Shakespearean Tragedies!) but he failed to take into account the initials of the girl he's dating. That's right... his tattoo of a guy getting a tattoo now reads "I love STD". I actually don't know who to feel more sorry for... The Inker... or the girl since STD really is such a horrible set of initials. What the hell were her parents thinking??
Anyway, The Inker didn't notice until I asked him about it today. That was sad. Granted he was drunk when he got inked... but for 3 days he didn't notice. And now he's forever going to have I <3 STD on his body, effectively blowing to pieces his chance of ever getting ass ever again.
Hahaha... it's mean but it's funny for me. Extremely funny.
Because I told him so. And because this is what happens when you make decisions when extremely drunk.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Drunk texting is embarrasing for you, but hilarious for me
For a little background on tonight's Drunky Drunk Theatre...
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel has been around for ages. He's like... a sixth year because he keeps switching majors and presumably aspires to be Peter Pan so he doesn't have to ever grow up and can be so drunk, high, and other that he'll constantly hallucinate a fairy companion dressed like a whore. Or have an actual whore. He's actually gotten a fair amount of action for being a disgusting slob who hits on freshmen. Probably how he gets so much action... all the rest of us steer clear of him. Come to think of it... how the hell did he get my number...
Text transcript beginning 12:57am:
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Hey im SO drunk rite now. Come over
Anonymous Sorority Girl: fun? u ok?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Ya ya im k. R u k? U need me 2 come get u? I wanna be all over u like buttr on toast tonite
Anonymous Sorority Girl: uh im good. actually im at The Mansion w/ The Guitar Hero so im kinda busy.
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: WTF u doin w/ that fag? Need me 2 come save u n take u to my place so I can give u some lovin feelin.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: lol y r u not w/ Freshman Girl Who Hasn't Figured Out You're A 6th Year Yet tonight?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: she dumpd me. bsides i want u not her. lose douchebag n come over.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: ouch she dumped u?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: nah i dvmped heq. come over. wuts the ass got that i dont got.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: he wrote me a song n hes gonna play it for me. plus i havent hung out w/ him in awhile.
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: o so u feel sory for him so ur hangin. wutev hes such a ploser. shud come over n feel a real man.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: g2g seeya mayb @ the bbq tmo.
End transmission.
What the fuck is a "ploser"? Was he trying to say poser or loser? I can't tell. And what the hell with the pickup lines?! Those were SO bad they couldn't even be considered bad and moldy cheese. But again, hilarious pretty much for everyone except him. Definitely an example of why being a drunken fool is a pretty bad decision all around.
The funniest part is that he won't remember any of it tomorrow and he'll probably wake up with magic marker all over him in the basement of his frat house. Who knows? Maybe he'll show up at the barbecue that way. That would be great. I'd love to see him tomorrow morning, hung over out of his mind, with "I Heart Dick" on his forehead. It happened last fall... word on The Row is that one of his bros forced a pledge write that on The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel's forehead. Apparently he didn't notice til he went out later that night. I don't know whether that's funny or disgusting... that he must not have taken a shower or looked into a bathroom mirror before going out after an entire night of drunken and sweaty partying.
Frat boys are gross.
Except maybe The Guitar Hero. He's a pretty sweet guy and decently cute in his musician wannabe rockstar kind of way. The song he wrote was pretty good. It wasn't EXACTLY written for me but supposedly I inspired it... well according to him anyway.
He wants to go to dinner and "hang out after". Knowing him it'll end up being some really cute over the top date like in A Walk to Remember. God, Shane West is HOT. I agreed, so I guess we'll see where this goes. I don't know... 'cause he is in The Mansion and I like just kickin' it with the bros there.
Dating him might make my friendships with them awkward. Not to mention relationships with other sororities. After all, according to Tinkerballerina, The Guitar Hero was semi-seriously going out with one of The Dancers until he walked in on her and one of his bros going at it like rabbits.
Drama Drama Drama.
The last thing I need is an overly paranoid and insecure boyfriend and a bunch of sororobrats from the other Houses talking shit about me. News travels fast on The Row.
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel has been around for ages. He's like... a sixth year because he keeps switching majors and presumably aspires to be Peter Pan so he doesn't have to ever grow up and can be so drunk, high, and other that he'll constantly hallucinate a fairy companion dressed like a whore. Or have an actual whore. He's actually gotten a fair amount of action for being a disgusting slob who hits on freshmen. Probably how he gets so much action... all the rest of us steer clear of him. Come to think of it... how the hell did he get my number...
Text transcript beginning 12:57am:
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Hey im SO drunk rite now. Come over
Anonymous Sorority Girl: fun? u ok?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: Ya ya im k. R u k? U need me 2 come get u? I wanna be all over u like buttr on toast tonite
Anonymous Sorority Girl: uh im good. actually im at The Mansion w/ The Guitar Hero so im kinda busy.
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: WTF u doin w/ that fag? Need me 2 come save u n take u to my place so I can give u some lovin feelin.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: lol y r u not w/ Freshman Girl Who Hasn't Figured Out You're A 6th Year Yet tonight?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: she dumpd me. bsides i want u not her. lose douchebag n come over.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: ouch she dumped u?
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: nah i dvmped heq. come over. wuts the ass got that i dont got.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: he wrote me a song n hes gonna play it for me. plus i havent hung out w/ him in awhile.
The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel: o so u feel sory for him so ur hangin. wutev hes such a ploser. shud come over n feel a real man.
Anonymous Sorority Girl: g2g seeya mayb @ the bbq tmo.
End transmission.
What the fuck is a "ploser"? Was he trying to say poser or loser? I can't tell. And what the hell with the pickup lines?! Those were SO bad they couldn't even be considered bad and moldy cheese. But again, hilarious pretty much for everyone except him. Definitely an example of why being a drunken fool is a pretty bad decision all around.
The funniest part is that he won't remember any of it tomorrow and he'll probably wake up with magic marker all over him in the basement of his frat house. Who knows? Maybe he'll show up at the barbecue that way. That would be great. I'd love to see him tomorrow morning, hung over out of his mind, with "I Heart Dick" on his forehead. It happened last fall... word on The Row is that one of his bros forced a pledge write that on The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel's forehead. Apparently he didn't notice til he went out later that night. I don't know whether that's funny or disgusting... that he must not have taken a shower or looked into a bathroom mirror before going out after an entire night of drunken and sweaty partying.
Frat boys are gross.
Except maybe The Guitar Hero. He's a pretty sweet guy and decently cute in his musician wannabe rockstar kind of way. The song he wrote was pretty good. It wasn't EXACTLY written for me but supposedly I inspired it... well according to him anyway.
He wants to go to dinner and "hang out after". Knowing him it'll end up being some really cute over the top date like in A Walk to Remember. God, Shane West is HOT. I agreed, so I guess we'll see where this goes. I don't know... 'cause he is in The Mansion and I like just kickin' it with the bros there.
Dating him might make my friendships with them awkward. Not to mention relationships with other sororities. After all, according to Tinkerballerina, The Guitar Hero was semi-seriously going out with one of The Dancers until he walked in on her and one of his bros going at it like rabbits.
Drama Drama Drama.
The last thing I need is an overly paranoid and insecure boyfriend and a bunch of sororobrats from the other Houses talking shit about me. News travels fast on The Row.
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