Making the World a Better Place

So I am now participating in The Mansion's philanthropy event to compensate for The Nana's crazy behavior and insinuations of The Guitar Hero's lack of virility.

The catch here is that their philanthropy event is a date auction. I guess it's not all bad... a chance to prove that I'm worth oodles of money. And yes. I am that confident that I will generate an obscene amount of money because I'm hot and I have the statistics to back me up. Not to mention the convenience of knowing that The Guitar Hero will likely end up in a bidding war with The Flirt since The Flirt has been on a mission to regain some of his dignity since we stole The Charter House's Charter.

This should be pretty entertaining and I suppose I should keep in mind that it IS benefiting Research and The Search for a Cure for Some Potentially Life Threatening And/Or Quality of Life Decreasing Disease.

The great part of having Greek family members is that they're all ambivalent about my participation in said date auction. The Mother is both amused and disapproving because she knows that sorority girls participate in such philanthropy events yet does not like the idea of her daughter being auctioned off to the highest bidder. The Father is significantly less amused because I'm his precious little girl, but he is grudgingly accepting that it is for a good cause and isn't in any form as bad as the wet t-shirt contest philanthropy event that The Cousin Who Likes to Push Boundaries participated in last year. Despite the fact that her school is in The South and thus extremely Greek, I'm shocked that any advisor would approve a philanthropy event like THAT. After all it's just one very thin layer of basically see-through white fabric, which doesn't leave much (if any) up to the imagination. I think The Cousin Who Likes to Push Boundaries does it for the shock factor. She likes to prove to people that she doesn't fit into a certain mold or conception that they might have of her.

The Older Brother (we're on speaking terms again... The Mother convinced him to call after The Nana incident) is supportive because his fraternity conducted a similar date auction a few years ago. He said to let The Guitar Hero know that he was willing to add $500 to The Guitar Hero's bid to help him win me if a bidding war ensued past The Guitar Hero's financial resources. That was generous. I don't understand The Older Brother's sudden change in attitude... something must be going on that I don't know about. Maybe The Parents did threaten to cut him out of the trust fund unless he talked to me.

On the note of date auctions... I don't understand why girls who clearly don't stand a chance sign up. It's one thing if you have a boyfriend who will most assuredly bid on you (if he knows what's good for him...) but it's entirely another if you are single and known as The Row Bitch. She's from Tinkerballerina's house, The Dancers. She's really not cute or hot enough for her to be that bitchy either. And most frat boys steer clear of her because there are some interesting stories involving her spreading rumors of impotence and/or general incompetence and no guy wants the girls to think that they're sloppy in bed. Talk about cockblock.

Haha The Sorority Prodigy tried to sign up for the date auction too but The Guitar Hero flat out said no and ripped up her form! Oh how protective big brothers are...

The 40 Days of Lent are preceded with 14 days of partying

Well, not by most accepted religious standards. Minus the lovely people who celebrate Mardi Gras. Between assorted rush parties and tomorrow's Superbowl barbecues and a few dates with The Guitar Hero, I've likely been out every night for the last two weeks.

I am so tired. And suffering from various bouts of hangover.

Somehow I even got shanghaied into going out with some of The Dancers and members of their newest class. They're alright I guess... the best that can be done with Spring Rush. Except that like eight out of ten of them are beanpoles that practically bound to class in point shoes doing plies and grand jetes. And The Dancer with Awful Triangle Hair tried to practically engulf The Guitar Hero into her hair and drag him away into the night while he was getting me a drink. Honestly. It's one thing if your hair looks like you haven't run a brush through it in days, it's another when it starts prowling for meat. It's a wonder it hasn't cannibalized HER.

Whatever, though. I still haven't decided where this thing with The Guitar Hero is going yet. Which is probably bad, considering The Day of Red and Pink Exploding Hearts, Cards, Flowers, and Assorted Stuffed Animals (aka Valentine's Day) is coming soon. I really wish I could take apart one of those ridiculous smiling gorillas that say "Me go bananas for you" when you push their hand and make it say something that Happy Bunny says instead. Something like "you're ugly and that's sad" or something. And then send it to The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel.

The Guitar Hero is attractive, attentive and not your run of the mill horny frat boy. And he's decently knight-like. We were at his friend's apartment party and this guy who must not have showered in a week cornered me and tried to grind with me from behind when The Guitar Hero went to say hi to some friends. Not only was he completely disgusting, he was completely off the beat. I honestly didn't know people could be bad at grinding. I bet The Guy Who Hasn't Showered For A Week is horrible at sex. Anyway, the Guitar Hero came over pretty much instantly and got rid of him. And gave me his jacket when he walked me back to The House afterwards because the whole of the state has become a freezer more or less.

I wonder if I could get away with setting up The Dancer with Awful Triangle Hair with The Frat Guy with a Liver of Steel. Although, The Dancers and Tinkerballerina by extension might really hate me for it. Then again, they can't like The Dancer with Awful Triangle Hair too much... they all have sleek straight hair that is easily put into a bun.

Just one more day of partying before a dry spell. God it's just like Lent.

To all sorority women who recruit during spring...

Hahahaha. The House doesn't. Thank God.

So Tinkerballerina from the sorority that I will term The Dancers... offhandedly asked me if we do spring recruitment. We don't. Fortunately, we've got lots of girls and we get so many more during formal Fall Recruitment that our International HQ loves us for it and we don't have to do the torturous process again in spring.

The Dancers apparently are recruiting because their numbers are shaky. It's all a numbers game in the end. The sorority with the most women who are

-pretty (but not fake)
-not overly slutty (but not prudes)
-not alcoholics (but not sober-ites)

win, in a word. We fit this description for the most part... minus the minority of The Awkwards. The frats like us, we get invited to stuff. It's all good.

The Dancers... not so much. They used to be real big on campus but they graduated a lot of girls and the ones that are left are a little hardcore. A good number of them are on the dance team and have to watch their diets, curfews, and can't risk the occasional drunken tumble for fear of breaking something important. They have to bend their bodies in unnatural positions for those dance competitions.

Anyway, so they have to talk to God knows how many Girls Who Were Rejected during Fall Rush and a limited number of genuine girls. Such a fine balance between getting your most interesting girls paired up with the best rushees and keeping these people away from The Awkwards and The Rejects. It's like... trying to treat cancer. You want to blast the bad cells to bits while preserving the good cells. Although perhaps not quite as violent. Well maybe. We don't want those Awkwards coming back.

Not to mention having to train your newly initiated fall class in the ways of recruitment. The right clothes, the right look, the right conversation. Yet not fake. Not everyone can have a cream top, Sevens jeans, and cream heels. I can see it now at an amusement park... It's a Small World After All meets Stepford: The Ride to Hell with Smiles. Honest to God it would be... after all there's a lot of chanting and skits and really wide smiles.

It's even worse for them since their International hates them or something and they're having dry rush... meaning they can't drink for the entire period of rush... which is pretty shitty for them since frats spend considerably more money on alcohol and get better quality alcohol for their rush events which will be going on at the same time as The Dancers' rush week.

I feel almost sorry for Tinkerballerina. But then I remember that she brought it upon herself. It's her "just dessert" of a Devil's Food Cake just chock full of carbs and sugar and fat and Sorority Experiences from Hell. She joined The Dancers because they were "just like her" even though she would have fit in great at The House and a lot of girls really liked her.

Oh well... her problem. While she's talking to rejected girls who are needy and eat their feelings, I will be out at Frat Rush Events. Supposedly they're having a Luau Night at The Mansion. What's better than tall, tanned, and gorgeous lacrosse players, a couple of Mai Tais, and getting "lei'd"?