There's a reason why they call it PanHELL.

Honestly Panhellenic meetings are chaos at times. The Panhell President is from The Debutantes and she, The Pageant Princess as VP Membership, and I are generally all on the same page about things, which is totally important since we are at the top of the food chain. But the Director of Programming is from The Barbie's Whorehouse and honestly I've never wanted to strangle someone so badly. She is just so hoity toity and thinks she's better than everyone else.

We had an emergency Panhell debriefing today over an IFC issue from the weekend... which only served to make my Monday nights even longer than usual. Apparently some of the bros over at The Freemason Fraternity (their nickname since they're basically all elitists and super secretive) just got busted by the cops for some drug dealing and now their entire chapter might lose their charter with the university and those guys might just get kicked out entirely. There were news vans all over the place since it was a pretty big bust apparently. We've been doing our part to minimize bad press.

In any case, The Director of Programming aka The Elitist Bitch is in a pretty serious relationship with one of the bros at The Freemason Fraternity (surprise surprise) and she kept going off about how dealing drugs wasn't SO bad and how a little Xanax never hurt anybody. Not to mention crack and meth and probably a little X thrown in there. Everyone else took it pretty seriously but she just kept whining and whining and asking stupid questions about why we were even being called in for an emergency meeting. The whole point is so we can get together and unite as a community against all the undoubtedly shitty press that will come our way. It's like when the local news has nothing better to report, they'll report about some alleged hazing incident or something which is completely ridiculous. I could offhand and completely jokingly say that we make our pledges strip naked and pray to the moon goddess while covered in chocolate syrup and who knows, fucking 60 minutes would do a special report about the hazing rituals and how being covered in melted chocolate would like kill you or something. And then advertise some foundation of like people who died while being hazed or some shit with some "be aware: chocolate syrup can kill" campaign. Puhleeze. Give me a freaking break. As if hazing doesn't exist in firehouses around the country and in other forces where real shit could go down.

Honestly, I wonder sometimes if The Elitist Bitch gets illegal prescription drugs. If she does, she needs more to tone down her whining and her unbelievably annoying voice which is pitched like to the absolutely most hideous tone in the world. I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.

During the chapter presidents' and chapter panhellenic delegates' debriefing directly after our debriefing, it turned into more craziness since some of them were concerned about what was going to happen with the investigation. Apparently there might be a pill problem going on, which is going to cause even MORE problems. There were whispers of needing to get lawyers in case they were implicated. It got pretty serious, which just made everything like 15x worse for us in leadership because if this gets out, shit will really hit the fan.

I know for a fact that The Rockette (our president... play on words since she's on the school dance team and she's a nuclear engineering major and probably going to be a rocket scientist) takes Adderall when she needs to pull through shit, but I'm pretty sure she gets it from her little brother who has ADHD. We can't lose her because she kicks ass at being president and pretty much rocks everything she touches. I honestly don't know how she does it with all of the classes and research that she does.

I need to go lie down and take some aspirin for the building migraine.

The Joint Task Revealed

The Mansion pledges and The House pledges received their joint task last night. The only fault about doing things with only one other fraternity is that inevitably, the sorority always outnumbers the fraternity. Even though we are a pretty Greek school... it's just the way it works. Girls who lucked out were paired with a pledge and the rest were given one hour to find a guy who would complete their task with them. I was proud as every girl who had to find a guy did. Most were friends and we had a few boyfriends and other Greek men in the mix. The Pledge Mom had a little fun making the assignments and paired The Sorority Prodigy with The Guitar Hero's newest little bro, Bloodhound. Don't ask me why they call him that... that's his pledge nickname so I have no idea.

Their task is to learn a ballroom dance by Saturday, when they will perform it for both houses. The pairs all drew dances out of a hat - foxtrot, waltz, tango, or paso doble. Hahaha then we told them that unless they passed the task, they wouldn't be initiated. Always a fun threat that nobody ever actually follows through on. The Social Chair was brilliant for thinking this task up since it requires The Pledges to learn something about social interaction. And pick up at least one kind of classy partner dance that doesn't involve gyrations and simulated sex on a dance floor, great for invites and parties... not so great for respectable functions, date and dinner parties. We had some opposition in The House from some members, including The Vice President of Development, who thought that this task was going to be a waste of time and not be entertaining for the actives. I backed The Social Chair and commented on how ironic it was that this task could be seen as a form of self-improvement and learning a new skill and yet the VP Development herself was against it. Not to mention that this should keep everyone entertained since it's our own version of So You Think You Can Dance. That won out the vote. Girls in The House are addicted to that show... quite possibly even more so than The Dancers... oh the ironies.

Welcome to HELL!!!

Hell Week for our newest class has begun. This should be a good week. The pledges moved into the living room last night to facilitate the organization of events. Their tasks thus far have been relatively tame. It won’t get much more difficult, but it will be interesting. There will be a few late night awakenings and a joint task with The Mansion’s pledges. To start things off, last night there was a midmorning awakening at about 3AM which involved taking flaming shots of Bacardi 151 with their Big Sis’s and taking The Loyalty Oath that rituals would not be revealed. I imagine some of the pledges are still drunk if not hungover from that activity. Thank god I have always been able to hold my liquor. Same with The Sorority Prodigy. I was pleased. That’s the great thing about growing up with brothers and in a Greek family... you learn to drink early on. Granted I also made her take some vitamins and chug something with electrolytes before getting back to bed so I imagine both of us are more chipper than others.

In other news, Thanksgiving was such an ordeal. The Nana glared at me through most of cocktails and dinner. Although, cocktails definitely facilitated the process of dealing with relatives. The Older Brother was distant because someone in the family had told him about the date auction date between The Wine Heir and myself. Not to mention he FINALLY broke up with his girlfriend. Or she broke up with him. It’s not entirely clear but I’m guessing it’s the latter because he seems unusually morose. I felt almost a little bad, but The Older Brother I’m sure will be back to his erratic dating antics before long. He’s like The Flirt in that sense. And as if that wasn’t enough drama for the weekend, The Guitar Hero kept drunk calling me and wanting to talk about us. Why the hell are guys such girls? I had a long conversation with The Sorority Prodigy about it after one of these drunken episodes and she was saying how he’s being stupid and unnecessarily jealous. He really is and it’s a major turn off.

Black Friday shopping was pretty successful though. It was extremely sororitay in the sense that The Sorority Prodigy’s mother called The Mother and all four of us went on a shopping trip together. I got some new dresses, a new bag, and assorted accessories. The Older Brother, The Younger Brother, and The Guitar Hero decided to do the whole camp out for assorted video gaming systems thing. It was all about family bonding shit.

Although, the redeeming quality about family gatherings is that I hear lots of great Greek stories. Among them came the “urban legend” sorority hazing incident that everyone hears about yet it's so ludicrous that everyone hopes that it's not true… the one involving girls stripping down to underwear and a fraternity coming with magic marker and marking any imperfections. This actually happened at The Cool Aunt’s sorority one year. Apparently they had elected this crazy Pledge Mom who was on like fucking medication so she did all kinds of psychological shit like that. I believe it. The Cool Aunt has never been one to lie. But why the hell would the girls ever let fraternity boys do the marking? Of course every guy is going to think that there’s not enough in the ass or the boobs unless some girl is of pornographic proportions. It’s incredibly unrealistic and stupid. And any girl who knows anything about boys would know that.

Luckily, we at The House have better hazing rituals that are less crass. This week should be good.

Don't Faze Me, Bro!

It's Faze Day. All Greek Day of Fake Hazing. Something stupid the Advisors and The Administration and PHC and IFC came up with where every year we have this one day to "healthily engage in bonding activities". All events have to be pre-approved by the aforementioned parties and there are all this liability waiver shit that both Actives and Pledges sign saying that all parties acknowledge that a Pledge can stop at any time without repercussion... lots of annoying legal jargon... etc.

It is a decently fun day I guess and always a good one to see what everyone around The Row is doing to their pledges.

Last year, The Mansion's pledges served us "breakfast in bed". That was actually not my favorite... nor was it popular with a lot of girls just because we had to get up ridiculously early, clean our rooms, look cute, and then pretend to be "in bed". We told them not to do that this year for all of our sakes since we enjoy sleeping in post Friday night parties. They always make their pledges do something for us. We've got an informal Brother/Sister pairing up between our respective organizations even though that's generally not kosher. It just happened that way since so many of us happen to be dating so many of them.

Our pledges are playing in a soccer game against The Sorority Wannabe Pledges and that should be a piece of cake (slight pun intended). Considering how much of a huge joke that is. The Sorority Wannabes don't stand a chance. I imagine most of them have never set foot on a soccer field.

I imagine The Charter House will have something up their sleeve as well.

All in all, this should be a decently fun day what with the All Greek barbecue and all the assorted fake hazing "bonding" tasks. At least there is one guarantee for the pledges... that nobody's going to haze them tonight since The Advisors, The Administrators, and PHC/IFC will be on the look out for real hazing tonight and most houses are smart enough not to haze the night directly following a day of fake hazing in which all active members get an hour long presentation on the dangers and ills of real hazing. And get reminded that there will be "patrols" and that there's a Hazing Hotline. Dumbest thing in the world, but in the PHC/IFC and the Dean's offices, there is a phone line dedicated to reporting hazing. What a waste of a perfectly decent phone line!

Ah... there's nothing quite like this time in the semester...

Spring has sprung, little bambis are wandering all over the place with their thumper friends... and it's that time in the semester where hazing really gets going since everyone will be initiating spring classes soon.

I love how professional and cultural interest "fraternities and sororities" can get away with hazing so much more easily than true Greeks can. Just because they use Greek letters doesn't make them truly Greek. They're really just posers.

I was walking past The Clock Tower a few nights ago after hanging out with some friends from high school and what do I see? The Pre-Med Fraternity has their pledges in white boxers, bras, and underwear. And the initiated members were standing around with various types of bandages and red marker. I didn't really stay long enough for the hazing ritual since I was just passing through but it looked incredibly un-fun. Especially since it was about 40 last night.

And then last night, The Guitar Hero and I were coming back from The Open 24 Hour Restaurant with a few people from The Mansion and their girlfriends and as we pull into the parking lot, we see The Black Interest Sorority with a bunch of their pledges dressed all in dark clothing. I wouldn't be too surprised if they were going to go raid The Black Frat... it seems to me that the multicultural "Greek" orgs always pair up like that. And they all inter-date. It's a little incestuous if you think about it... dating your brother fraternity... Thank God The House doesn't have a brother fraternity. Wouldn't that suck if you broke up with some guy in that house and then your house did all kinds of events with them? How unnecessarily dramatic and irritating... especially if your brother fraternity was a bad one.