I am not a whore... but I like to do it.

Celebrity gossip is addicting and act as excellent conversation pieces during awkward silences at parties. Gossip on The Row is also addicting, but becomes the conversation piece that creates awkward silences at parties.

How is it that the socially awkward are either a) nymphomaniacs as a result of their social exclusion or b) judgmental prudes??

Apparently when The Resident was over last week and we were engaging in some fun in my bed for once, one of the socially awkward members from our newest pledge class decided to come and talk to me about being on Panhellenic. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. I would NEVER endorse her for Panhellenic. Supposedly, she heard us going at it and has since been spreading it around to everyone. What a bitch. We weren't even being loud... I asked Little #2 who lives next door and she said she heard nothing. I imagine what happened instead was that she was talking to Miss Socially Awkward (her big sis), who saw The Resident come into my room earlier and then put it together when she tried to come in and the door was locked.

Miss Socially Awkward herself makes poor sexual decisions and is often seen making the walk of shame following a night of being spotted sucking face with some equally awkward boy... usually a freshman. Yet, you never hear this shit coming from her bitchy and judgmental prudish little. Queen Prude instead decides to launch an attack on me and has been systematically spreading it around to everyone that I am a whore. Then last night, as I arrived at The Charter House annual HO HO HO Party, everything turned to whispers and glances in my direction. Then The Flirt came and told me what he had heard and whether or not it was true... of course like any good rumor, this got twisted around so by the time it got to him, the gossip turned into me having a threesome with two of The Row's whoriest girls in a fraternity's basement, which is a ridiculous absurdity all on its own. First of all, if I were in a threesome, it would be with two other guys, NOT two other girls. Second: I would not be caught dead having sex in a fraternity basement.

Of course, I traced it to Queen Prudy because she stupidly made it her story in a pathetic and desperate attempt to raise her own social status and as soon as she made an appearance at The House for lunch, I bitched her out in front of everyone. She didn't know what was coming to her. Of course after I called her out on it, Miss Socially Awkward felt obligated to butt her fat ass into the conversation in defense of her little, at which point I asked her if she would like to share with everyone the story behind her most recent walk of shame. She turned about 15 shades of red and walked away as Queen Prudy stared open-mouthed in shock. Amazing how some little sisters can be so oblivious to their bigs' extracurricular activities.

In any case, I've been doing damage control. For the most part, this has blown over and once everyone discovered the source to be Queen Prudy, they all dismissed it. Still, The Row is full of sorority girls who jump at the opportunity for interesting pieces of gossip so I imagine this will linger for some time... especially since everyone knew me as part of Panhell. For some reason, once you're on Panhell and everyone knows your name, that makes rumors about you worth just that much more.

Socially awkward prudes should never join sororities. Of course, they somehow manage to perpetuate themselves and survive like fucking cockroaches through nuclear war. Honestly, I wonder if this prudy breed of the socially awkward are just uptight bitches just because they've never had sex. If they did or at least did properly, they wouldn't walk around all day like they had a corkscrew up their asses. Maybe that's it. They're trying to preserve their technical purity or whatever and just consent to anal.

I could take the so-called "high road" and "forget" this incident... but where's the fun in that. Besides, I subscribe to the belief that luck is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Bitch picked the wrong person to mess with. This is so not over.

It's amazing what Panhellenic life does to you.

So busy I haven't posted in what... 6 months? There's now snow on the ground and things are winding down for Christmas so I finally have time to not give a shit about sorority life... which is such a hilarious statement because at the end of the day what am I doing? Sorority shit.

The biggest piece of drama this semester was a Big and Little pair that ended up being the finalists for The Hilltop House's Dream Girl. Now that is what I call fierce competition. That shit is serious... some girls would say that's just about as bad as a Big and Little pair fighting over the same guy. In any case, a lot of The House was divided over who to support. It was one of the younger Big and Little pairs, so I didn't really care to have a stake in it. Personally I stopped caring ever since I cut myself from the running for frat dream girls/sweethearts since it would have been bad form considering I've been dating The Resident fairly seriously. I even consented to being pinned and that was a little dramatic episode all on its own.

It was somewhat awkward since The Resident is an alum from The Charter House at a different chapter but they held it at our school's chapter... meaning that The Flirt had to be part of the ceremony as its current president. It was a cute ceremony... some of The Resident's pledge bros came and some other old alums did too... meaning that I got serenaded by a choir of guys from ages 18 to 80. It got interesting when some of the old Charter House alums were hitting on me to hassle The Resident.

I have to get some Christmas shopping done today seeing as this is our first Christmas together and I feel like he's already upped the ante with talk about dinner at the fanciest French place in town. Lucky he's independently wealthy since residency pay sucks.

Some girls still have a few finals left before they can jet home... fortunately, I always plan my classes so my finals are done early.

Frat boys never plan for anything except...

Bago Trips.

The Pageant Princess and I were discussing the flurry of emails we've gotten in the last few days about the football season Winnebago trips the frats are all starting to plan. They're all trying to one up each other to get us to go. We've gotten personalized emails from various frat social chairs and promises of kegs, grills, and our own beds. We're def A-listers. They want us to be on their decks for home games and in their bagos for road trips. Not to mention it's great PR for The House. We always get lots of bago trip invites among other trips. I imagine there will be a bunch of ski/board trips we'll go on this year too. The frats are all trying to outdo each other with cool weekend trips and such.

And aside from house PR, it's kind of important to be on these bago trips since lots of frats start recruiting for their dream girls/sweethearts/etc. on these things and it's all about getting the largest number of bros to like you the most. I just as good as had that title for The Mansion, but that's not happening since I broke up with The Guitar Hero. Bros before hos, right? They're all pretty much not speaking to me right now, but from what I hear through sisters from The House, none of them dislike me... they're just acting like it out of respect for The Guitar Hero. Which means I'll need to find some houses to focus on if I want to be a Dream Girl/Sweetheart/etc. Probably means I should start working on my kegstands. I used to be able to kegstand on my own without support (thank you, 10 years of gymnastics/dance) but I bet I can't do that now. I need to get back into shape.

In other news, now that I'm on Panhellenic, I'm now not allowed to recruit during Fall Rush. Also, The Pageant Princess is out too since she's on Panhell as well. This would normally worry the fuck out of me because we have a lot of influence, but I'm fairly positive The Sorority Prodigy will step up.

Honestly Panhell needs to get their heads out of their asses. Every sorority dirty rushes. It's just the way the system works. Also, making us move out of our houses and into a hotel does not make it any less obvious what house we're in. I hate this goddamn system. Why can't we just be like frats and COB our pledges. Although I will say this... at our regional conference, we heard that some schools' panhells guarantee bids to ALL rushees... FUCK THAT SHIT. I mean at least at ours we have a decent pool of rushees... The Tinkerballerina was telling me about this time when she went to The Dancers' International conference and apparently some schools definitely have suckier pools to choose from. Another chapter of The Dancers had some shit where like girls would rush and pledge but drop like flies throughout pledging when they decided it wasn't for them. That absolutely sucks 'cause then your numbers drop like hell and I bet International would be riding your ass.

They say to be thankful for what you have. I'm thankful our Panhell doesn't guarantee bids.

It's really early.

Patients seem to go into trauma a lot in the wee hours of the morning. The Resident got called in again just now and he's off to the hospital. I'm kind of awake right now so I might just stay up a little while.

So I didn't manage to convince The Resident to spend ALL day in bed, but close! Cuddling and watching tv in bed is a lot of fun... as is ordering delivery Chinese and pizza for lunch and dinner.

I didn't actually mean to spend the night tonight, but managed to fall asleep super early. The Resident ended up calling The Older Brother to let him know I was spending the night and The Older Brother text me a bunch of times just now grilling me about what was going on. I didn't exactly fill him in on breaking up with The Guitar Hero. I bet I'll get some phone calls from him tomorrow.

There aren't a lot of good shows on this early so I'm settling for the news. I should actually probably go back to sleep since I'm planning on visiting the pediatric ward at The Resident's hospital to help out a little and hang out with the kids. There sure are some cute kids there... especially in the pediatric oncology unit. I think I'm going to grow out my hair a little longer and donate it... it's already pretty long as is so it won't take me that much longer. Actually that might be a great idea to add to our Relay for Life Greek Tent next year... have some hairdressers volunteer their time to cut hair for donation. I'll make it a point to bring it up with The Overachiever in The House. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma when she was in high school, got treatment, and has been in remission since. I think it's what makes her such a crazy overachiever... she does so much, but I think her most passionate thing is heading Relay for Life on campus.

Starting to get tired again... think I might go to sleep again.

Some additions to texts from last night...

So if you haven't been on the site Texts from Last Night... you should go. I have some fun additions that I've been receiving in the past couple of nights... weekends are always so dependable for the drunken and/or confused text.

(The Rich Bitch): @ the cape. Drunk, horny, craving crabs.
My reply: Honey, drink water & rethink what you just text me. Crab, no s, = seafood craving.

(Twin A): So apparently when I get really trashed on jaeger bombs, I turn into a stripper.
My reply: ... where are you exactly??
(Twin A): Now inside bf's apt. Earlier @ Twin B's on patio. Bf dragged me inside & said I kept pulling clothes off.

(The Older Brother): Drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker, drink!
My reply: I'm already drinking... maybe you should ease up... also on the singing.
(The Older Brother): Everybody driinnnk!!!

(The Flirt): I'm so hiiiiiiigh high above you I'm so lovely.
My reply: Lol not how that song goes, but ok get ur msg.
(The Flirt): Come over! I'll get a keg!
My reply: Don't u think 165 cans' worth of beer is a lil much for 2 ppl?
(The Flirt): Never!

And my personal favorite...

(The Panhell Director of Communications): I think I'm pregnant.
My reply: What?!?! When? How?
(The Panhell DoC): Haha April Fools!
My reply: ... it's not April.
(The Panhell DoC): It is in Wonderland!
My reply: ... are you okay?

That one just happened just about 3am this morning and shortly after, I got a phone call from her number and it was her boyfriend saying she was tripping but fine. I'm spending the night at The Resident's and he mumbled to keep her hydrated for the next 12 hours or so more or less in his sleep.

Then at about 5:30, his pager went off and they needed him at the hospital. He kissed me awake and told me to stay here... so here I am. He called a little while ago and left a message to say he would be back soon with breakfast, which is always exciting. I'm still a little sleepy so when he gets here, I might try to convince him to spend the whole day in bed with me. What a nice and completely lazy thought.

What do you do when life happens?

It's amazing how crazy life gets. Midterms blended into finals and graduations and LIFE.

Some new updates... I broke up with The Guitar Hero because things were just not working out. According to The Sorority Prodigy, he's been moping around their house writing emo music on his guitar. Sucks worse for him because his mother and his sister are both in love with me so I imagine he's getting the "you're a fucking idiot" talk daily from them. I just couldn't take his craziness anymore. It's like that Katy Perry song... he was up then he was down, hot and then cold... honestly, wtf. A girl can only take so much.

Also new, I've been on a few dates with The Resident. And once again am reminded why I enjoy dating older men. Although he's been on call tons and we keep having to end things early so he can get to the hospital to take care of something. It's interesting because I told The Resident I didn't want anything too serious right away because I just got out of a relationship... I'm pretty sure he wants to be exclusive... he's hinted at it a bunch. That or he's just too tired from being a resident to date more than one person at a time. I don't think I'm ready for that right now though... I'm tired of feeling like I'm tied down. I've never been one to sleep around a lot so I've always been prone to get sucked into relationships. Though we might as well be since I've turned down dates from The Flirt in the meanwhile... but does that even count? It's The Flirt, after all.

Twin B and her Generic Biotech Firm Guy got married last weekend. It was awkward because I was a bridesmaid and The Guitar Hero was a groomsman... my groomsman to be precise... and I had taken The Resident as my date. I really wanted to avoid that, but Twin B came to visit The IFC Webmaster when he was in the hospital and blurted it all out and invited The Resident for me. So he came as the +1.

The Sorority Prodigy warned The Guitar Hero about it, but he didn't bring a date anyway. And though Twin B had the sense to put us at different tables, we were basically a table apart and he kept looking at me all night. My solution to all of this awkwardness was to drink a LOT of champagne. He came over at some point and met The Resident and of course what had been our song came on then and he stupidly asked me if I wanted to dance. Being polite and definitely drunk, I said alright. And then halfway through, The Resident asked if he could cut in. There was some serious competition going on between them and looks were thrown. It's funny because they don't even know that they're members of rival frats. The Resident is a graduated bro from a different chapter of The Charter House.

Leaving was possibly the worst part... The Resident had an early shift the next day since he took off that night to come as my date so we had to leave "early" (by early, I mean like slightly after midnight) so he could drive me home and then get home himself. But most guests had rooms at the hotel, so The Guitar Hero pretty much just saw us leaving early together. I saw The Sorority Prodigy say something to him as I was leaving so hopefully she just cleared it up... but it was still awkward as fuck. Other than the tension at the reception, the wedding was beautiful... it was a huge wedding. As is to be expected from Twin B. And since both families are wealthy, there was an open bar.

We actually threw her a huge bridal shower two weeks ago... and true to our sorority selves, we arranged ourselves into a doorstack when she arrived. I'm so glad I'm not young anymore... young members have to like lay on the ground for the bottom of the door stack. It was super cute though... huge cake and of course all the appropriate bridal shower games. And lots and lots of booze. The boys came round later and found us all in extremely good moods.

Twin B and her now husband are going to Fiji and Tonga for their honeymoon. I wish I were going on vacation to Fiji and Tonga. I'll be spending the next few weeks at home sorting out Panhell and miscellaneous house crap. We're already starting to plan for next year and since I'm perpetually on Rush Board, I always have to plan.

Anyway, I should get some sleep. The Pageant Princess is coming over tomorrow and we're going to spend most of the day out by the pool with a pitcher of daiquiris.

Florence Nightingale Much?

I've been at the hospital a lot lately visiting The IFC Webmaster. He's getting better. He broke a few ribs and an arm and got a concussion and had to get stitches after hitting the steering wheel. Thank the lord, his brother from The Freemason Fraternity is going to be okay too... it was really scary for the first few days when they had him in a medically-induced coma. It's been really good for The Row though... every chapter's been reaching out and sending flowers to the brothers at The Freemason Fraternity and they ran out of vases (I didn't even know that fraternities had vases) so they ended up sending tons of surplus flowers to the other wards of the hospital to brighten their days. We had an impromptu talent show where people put together really short acts and gave 100% of ticket sales and raffle prize money to both families to help with medical expenses. It was a really great show and a bunch of professors and university officials came... we sold out the entire auditorium, including standing room. Amazing how everyone can pull together. The Christian Sorority held this prayer meeting for the both of them and invited everyone. Sweet of them. Although I do gotta say, I'm glad we don't have a bloody Jesus wearing a crown of thorns contorted in pain on a cross statue as part of our decor...

In any case, this kind of thing really makes you hug the people you love a lot more. After this week, I feel like everyone on The Row has been feeling like this... and not even just here at The University... on every campus what with the tragedy that hit USC last weekend too. My heart goes out to all of her sisters and everyone in the Greek community there. For the most part, I feel like everyone has gotten closer since we were so close to experiencing that here. The one thing is that this like coming together of The Row has really highlighted how stupid The Guitar Hero is being. He says that he's sad like everyone else but he keeps getting mad that I spent my free time this week either organizing the benefit or going to the hospital yet when I tell him to come with me, he won't. That's just incredibly frustrating to me. I don't know how much longer things are going to last with him because I'm getting tired of it. That and being single is just so much more fun.

On the light-hearted side... all this time at the hospital has caught the eye of a resident who decided that he would flirt with my by walking me around the different wards and explain medical conditions and procedure to me, but he'd always do this around some meal time so he could coincidentally invite me down to join him. He flirts so obviously. In fact, yesterday I went to the hospital with The Flirt and he decided to slip that "telltale assumption" into the conversation which went something like this:

The Resident: Oh hey... what's up? Good to see you in again today.
Me: Hey. Yeah just checking on The IFC Webmaster. Thought I'd bring him some movies to cheer him up.
The Resident (to The Flirt): Hi, I'm The Resident. Are you the boyfriend I've heard so much about?
The Flirt: Ye-
Me: Nooo... he's not.
The Flirt: In my reality I am.
Me: Oh please. In your reality, you're Hugh Hefner with the "superhero" power of being able to make any girl orgasm by looking at her.
The Flirt (to The Resident): I mean come on man, right? Screw flying and fuck being invisible. Why be invisible to slip into girls' locker rooms when they'll flock to you?
The Resident (laughing): Okay, well you guys have fun. Anon, I'll see you around yeah?
Me: Yeah.

First off... I'd like to say that I've never mentioned the existence of The Guitar Hero to The Resident. So unless The IFC Webmaster managed to coherently blurt this out despite being on painkillers... that was a total assumption. After that, The Flirt decided he was going to be super annoying too and started going off about The Resident. In any case, The Flirt had to go back for some Charter House pledge event and of course The Resident immediately said that he could drive me back if I didn't mind sticking around until he got off his shift in an hour. Really. And of course this was in front of The IFC Webmaster who just wanted company since people were busy getting ready for a Friday night and he was stuck in the hospital so of course he was totally all pro me staying. But I decided it was a bad idea and said that I needed to work on a lab assignment. I don't need to be in that awkward position where it's kind of a date but not.

Probably going to head back to the hospital in the next few days so we'll see what happens.

And the exhaustion settles in

This past weekend has just been filled with tons of stress what with The IFC Webmaster getting into the accident and all the crap going on at The Guitar Hero's house.

The IFC Webmaster is going to be okay, but the other brother from The Freemason Fraternity is not in good shape. The doctors put him into a medically induced coma to try and limit brain damage, but we're not sure what's going to happen. We spent Sunday and Monday in emergency Panhell/IFC joint meetings to discuss the situation. Extra counselors are on hand now to be available to talk to people. The University Administration has sent out an email briefly explaining what happened... like anyone needed it... that news spread like wildfire through Greek Row.

This whole ordeal has just been even more stressful after The Guitar Hero just unnecessarily threw a fit over the weekend. He got mad that I was planning to leave the carnival/picnic early to go visit The IFC Webmaster in the hospital. I don't really see why he was even mad... it was his mother's fundraiser, not his. He insisted that he would drive me to his house and drive me back and then on Saturday, he wouldn't drive me to the hospital. What a fucking childish thing to do. So I called The Flirt and he came and picked me up which pissed off The Guitar Hero even more and went to the hospital. The IFC Webmaster looked pretty bad... he was bandaged everywhere and apparently broke some ribs and an arm.

The Flirt was pretty pissed at The Guitar Hero and for once, I agreed with him. He's just getting jealous and annoying about it because all I wanted to do was to visit a friend in the hospital.

The police are still conducting an investigation about what happened, but it seems like this other car had been driving erratically and they swerved to miss it, but hit another car. It just seems like a really messy case. Both The IFC Webmaster and the other Freemason bro were both completely sober at the time, but that didn't stop the fuckers at The University Daily Paper to say that "it wasn't known if alcohol common to Greek life was in the brothers' systems." Uh objection. It was known. Alcohol wasn't a factor, at least not on their part and there are blood panels and urine samples to back that up. Seriously people need to stop painting Greeks as drunkards who are responsible for these kinds of injuries and accidents.

Going back to the hospital later today to cheer The IFC Webmaster up. I'll probably try to sneak him some contraband food... a break form all the hospital food.

Calls in the middle of the night are never good

Just fell asleep after coming back from The Flirt's impromptu mid-spring break party and of course was woken up by a late night (early morning?) game of telephone.

The Panhellenic President just called to say that The IFC President called her to say that The IFC Webmaster and another brother in The Freemason Fraternity got into a car accident a few hours ago. He was hurt pretty badly and is now in surgery and we don't know what the hell happened or what is going on. I don't even know how The IFC President found out. I'm guessing his parents called someone since The Greek Advisors have already been alerted and Panhell/IFC are being called now.

Apart from still being partly drunk, I can't handle this right now. I've known The IFC Webmaster since freshman year since we lived on the same floor. He's an awesome guy and I'm completely worried about both them right now. The Panhellenic President said that the parents might want some support from the few of us that are relatively close and can visit the hospital... which apparently means me, The Pageant Princess, and The Flirt. And I have to call The Pageant Princess to let her know about it. We're holding an emergency meeting when we get back to school.

I don't know how this scheduling is going to work with the DAR fundraiser which consists of a banquet tomorrow night and a carnival and picnic on Saturday. I might need to drive from The Guitar Hero's to the hospital if necessary and I don't know how that's going to go over.

How is this any kind of break!? I've had more stress this week than the last month. Taking an Advil and going back to bed after I call The Pageant Princess.

Flip Flop?

So the original plan was to spend half of spring break at my house and half at The Guitar Hero's. That all went to hell when The Guitar Hero's mother decided to host an alumnae event for her alumnae group of The House and another DAR fundraiser. Of course, she wanted me at her alumnae event because I'm just oh so wonderful and she wanted to show me off to her biddy friends. And then she wanted The Guitar Hero and me to be at the DAR fundraiser to help fill her table. And because this is The Guitar Hero we're talking about, he begged me to comply and said how important it was to him... yadayadayada. So now I'm going to be spending a few days in the middle of break at home, which isn't making my family completely ecstatic, but The Mother knows what kind of woman The Guitar Hero's Mother is and knows that she rules with an iron fist under those kid gloves.

The alumnae event was this past weekend and it ended up being one amazing headache for me. The Guitar Hero's mother discovered that The Nana was in The House and immediately sent her an invitation to come to her alumnae event. After a few rounds of cocktails, this ended up being The Nana telling The Guitar Hero's mother about how The Guitar Hero had disrespected her... which led to The Guitar Hero's mother lecturing The Guitar Hero which turned into him getting pissed at me and ended up in us fighting in his house and probably within earshot of his entire family. The Sorority Prodigy took me out for a ride on her champion horses to get me away from him for a while. I think she talked to him later that night and told him to stop being an ass.

I think he realizes he's being a dumbass and how none of that is my fault, but I don't know. He likes to hold a grudge for a while so whatever. He can be a dipshit for a few more days. The Older Brother is coming to pick me up today. I think we're going to have some lunch before we get home. I really haven't spoken much with The Guitar Hero since Sunday when everything went down.

I really hope this shit clears up because I really do not need to pretend to be the perfect young couple with him during the DAR fundraiser when we're clearly not.

Spring BREAK!

So I completely missed class, which is fine since most people didn't show since it's spring break. I'm not really doing anything "spring break-y" for spring break this year either. The Guitar Hero wants to spend all of Spring Break together as our "anniversary" thing. We never really established when we were "official" or whatever, so he wants to spend half of spring break at my house and half at his. I feel like we're going to end up going on a yacht trip with his family, which means I need to shop for new spring season pieces. His mother will judge like no other.

I think there might be like... a day or two in between that I won't be seeing him... which leaves very little time to hang out with The Rich Bitch since we'll both be in town for once... and The Flirt apparently is going to be throwing a rager since his parents are going out of town for some function or another. The Sorority Prodigy wants to go... which already is going to create problems because she'll want me to go with her so she can have someone to hang out with at the party besides The Swimmer and that fact is going to piss off The Guitar Hero since he does not like The Flirt at all.

That and I'm already going home to enough drama as it is since The Nana will be coming at some point this week and if it is when The Guitar Hero is here... I'm gonna need a lot of martinis to make it through. Not to mention The Older Brother is coming home for a visit just for kicks. We worked out the majority of our issues but he doesn't know that The Wine Heir occasionally texts me drunk with all kinds of things. No one really knows about that and i'd like to keep it that way purely because I do not need anymore drama in my life.

I feel like this isn't even a break at all with the amount of work I'm going to have to put into looking good and being the perfect daughter, granddaughter, and sister to my family and girlfriend of son, sorority big sis of daughter, and spring break guest to The Guitar Hero's family.

So many roles and so little time. First thing on the list for today: go shopping for spring pieces with The Sorority Prodigy. She'll know the right kinds of florals to please her mother without going overboard.

Recover, Rest, Rally

I haven't been THAT drunk in a LONG time.

The Pageant Princess, The Sorority Prodigy, and I went to The Charter House to hear some dirty limericks and join in on the St. Patrick's Day festivities. The second I got there, The Flirt ran up to me with cups of "The Green Goblin"... the green version of their jungle juice. Of course boys being boys, they named it after an evil villain. The sign on the big cooler was a sketch of the Green Goblin. The Sorority Prodigy and I replaced it halfway through the night with a picture of Shrek.

Anyway, I don't know the exact formulation of The Green Goblin jungle juice, but something tells me that the green didn't come from food coloring and instead came from absinthe. There definitely was a funky aftertaste that I'd never tasted before. And then after two cups of that, we went straight to rounds of flip cup with green beer, which progressed into beirut... The Flirt and me vs. The Sorority Prodigy and The Swimmer. And then we switched. I will say that The Sorority Prodigy and I kicked massive ass. It's basically classic beirut rules - elbows not beyond the edge of the table, blowing balls out of cups and fingering balls out of cups allowed. We fingered and blew all of their balls out of our cups, so The Flirt and The Swimmer ended that round with no cups sunk and thus had to suffer the consequences. They had to run around the block butt naked. But we were a little merciful because it's still freezing outside and I really don't need to see them in that condition, so they conceded to streaking around in their boxers.

We left at some point that I don't quite remember clearly and I came over to The Mansion, took some Advil, a handful of vitamins, and drank a bottle of water before passing out in The Guitar Hero's bed. I'm here now actually and it's ridiculously early in the morning. I always somehow manage to wake up early after a long night of drinking. I have a slight headache but I probably just need some water.

And then tonight at midnight, a bunch of us are going out again because it's The Shopaholic's 21st birthday. I'm going to have to take it easy and cut back on all the empty calories.

Anyway, I'm going back to bed because it's unnecessarily early. I may or may not go to class today.

Green and Guiness Aplenty

St. Patrick's Day 2009. Another milestone in the party calendar. I feel like we always do Mardi Gras a little better though. Everything is just too green on St. Patrick's Day. Green beer, green jello shots... even The Chef this morning made green eggs and ham.

That and as a tribute to the Irish, every fraternity just makes a huge batch of green beer and settles in with the determination to outdrink the Irish. The Flirt invited me over for a round of drinks with the boys at The Charter House, who are up to a new challenge since they have a bro who is actually from Ireland and decided to come to school here. I imagine they're going to be making up bawdy limericks all night and when they get really drunk, they'll start singing "Oh Danny Boy." That's all I need... to be hanging out with a bunch of drunk and crying frat bros.

There's a reason why they call it PanHELL.

Honestly Panhellenic meetings are chaos at times. The Panhell President is from The Debutantes and she, The Pageant Princess as VP Membership, and I are generally all on the same page about things, which is totally important since we are at the top of the food chain. But the Director of Programming is from The Barbie's Whorehouse and honestly I've never wanted to strangle someone so badly. She is just so hoity toity and thinks she's better than everyone else.

We had an emergency Panhell debriefing today over an IFC issue from the weekend... which only served to make my Monday nights even longer than usual. Apparently some of the bros over at The Freemason Fraternity (their nickname since they're basically all elitists and super secretive) just got busted by the cops for some drug dealing and now their entire chapter might lose their charter with the university and those guys might just get kicked out entirely. There were news vans all over the place since it was a pretty big bust apparently. We've been doing our part to minimize bad press.

In any case, The Director of Programming aka The Elitist Bitch is in a pretty serious relationship with one of the bros at The Freemason Fraternity (surprise surprise) and she kept going off about how dealing drugs wasn't SO bad and how a little Xanax never hurt anybody. Not to mention crack and meth and probably a little X thrown in there. Everyone else took it pretty seriously but she just kept whining and whining and asking stupid questions about why we were even being called in for an emergency meeting. The whole point is so we can get together and unite as a community against all the undoubtedly shitty press that will come our way. It's like when the local news has nothing better to report, they'll report about some alleged hazing incident or something which is completely ridiculous. I could offhand and completely jokingly say that we make our pledges strip naked and pray to the moon goddess while covered in chocolate syrup and who knows, fucking 60 minutes would do a special report about the hazing rituals and how being covered in melted chocolate would like kill you or something. And then advertise some foundation of like people who died while being hazed or some shit with some "be aware: chocolate syrup can kill" campaign. Puhleeze. Give me a freaking break. As if hazing doesn't exist in firehouses around the country and in other forces where real shit could go down.

Honestly, I wonder sometimes if The Elitist Bitch gets illegal prescription drugs. If she does, she needs more to tone down her whining and her unbelievably annoying voice which is pitched like to the absolutely most hideous tone in the world. I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.

During the chapter presidents' and chapter panhellenic delegates' debriefing directly after our debriefing, it turned into more craziness since some of them were concerned about what was going to happen with the investigation. Apparently there might be a pill problem going on, which is going to cause even MORE problems. There were whispers of needing to get lawyers in case they were implicated. It got pretty serious, which just made everything like 15x worse for us in leadership because if this gets out, shit will really hit the fan.

I know for a fact that The Rockette (our president... play on words since she's on the school dance team and she's a nuclear engineering major and probably going to be a rocket scientist) takes Adderall when she needs to pull through shit, but I'm pretty sure she gets it from her little brother who has ADHD. We can't lose her because she kicks ass at being president and pretty much rocks everything she touches. I honestly don't know how she does it with all of the classes and research that she does.

I need to go lie down and take some aspirin for the building migraine.

Allez cuisine!

The Debutante House held their philanthropy event last night - a cooking competition based on Iron Chef, but modified to allow for more competition categories. Each house (frat or sorority) can submit a dish to each category. The frats get really competitive and it can definitely be hard to top them in categories like barbecue. They tend to dominate in anything that involves meat and marinating. Sororities tend to dominate in baking.

But the really big highlight and main event is the actual timed competition itself. It's set up pretty much like the show, but with 2 hours for cooking time. Each house basically gets a list of like 5 potential ingredients that could be the "secret" ingredient so they can put together some kind of strategy to come up with a number of dishes.

The House's team consisted of The Stepford Daughter, The Sorority Prodigy, The Always Excited Sister, and The Really Innocent Sister. The Stepford Daughter always has to get everything perfect and is totally anal retentive, but at least she gets things done and done well. The Always Excited Sister is ... as her title implies, always excited. About everything. It's a little unnerving really because nobody should ever be that excited about everything. The Really Innocent Sister is so naive and innocent about everything... it's a little ironic since she's her pledge class's and also The House's Littlest Little, which just means that by lineage she's the "baby". Her Big-Lil family line is the longest with current sisters in The House. She's like a Great Great Great Grand Lil since her family added another new Little to their line like every single time we've even had pledges.

Anyway, they all sat down with The House's chef and planned out menus for each item on the list. We love The Chef... he made samples of each dish so we could figure out what we liked best and then the team practiced with him. And The Pastry Chef showed them different desserts they could do too. The Sorority Prodigy told me the list of possible secret ingredients: tortillas, cream cheese, rice krispies (the cereal), apples, and beer. The theme was "typical things you'd find in a college student's refrigerator." I was surprised all the advisors (University, Panhell, and The Debutantes' own international) all approved beer as a possible secret ingredient. Whatever though they weren't going to pick beer even though that would have been so awesome. Instead, the secret ingredient turned out to be cream cheese and our dishes ended up being:

Artichoke Cream Cheese Spread on Crostinis
Chicken Manicotti
Thyme Cheese Potatoes
Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting
Cheesecake Pops

SO good. And we won. Apparently people were thrown for a loop because cream cheese is something they only see on bagels or something. Well at least for the frats. Most of the sororities only came up with things that were sweets where we had a variety. We tend to care more than others about competition so we tend to win. Although there are some events which we just don't care all that much about because they're kind of lame.

If I were a BRO...

It's stereotypical or whatever but this is SO true. The Sorority Prodigy showed me about five minutes ago. It's based on the Beyonce "If I Were a Boy" music vid.



I need to show this to The Flirt among many others like ASAP. And also The Guitar Hero to some degree.

Snow Days and Impromptu S'mores!!

We got a snow day today because of the "wintry storms" (again... misleading since that sounds all happy and cheerful and really it's like a blizzard outside).

I got up and saw the email so I went back to bed for a few hours. No point in getting up early if there's no class.

Other than that.. nothing much has gone down. It's been a quiet weekend since people were too cold to go out. I saw Men's Cross Country run by earlier today... I would hate to train in the snow. I spent most of the weekend cocooned at The Mansion with The Guitar Hero which kept him pretty happy.

The Pageant Princess and I convinced The Houseboy to light a fire in the fireplace and we made s'mores with hot chocolate. SO good. I love having a houseboy to do random things like that. And kill spiders. It's super convenient and I imagine it gives girls practice for when they're rich trophy wives and have cabana boys to order around. I pity the houses who don't have houseboys to do shit for them. Of course, every year, our new pledges always attempt to flirt with our houseboy which doesn't end up working out since he's not allowed to date any of us anyway as part of his contract. He lives in the houseboy quarters downstairs which are pretty swank for college digs. He has a tv with cable and our House Mom just got a Xbox for the room so he's been enjoying that perk. He gets a small weekly cash stipend but that's just a bonus really since he gets free room and board. I love hanging out with The Houseboy though, he's totally cool and pretty awesome about giving random advice. He likes me more than most probably also because he and The Guitar Hero are like high school friends. We talk a lot about random stuff and we end up studying together since we have a class together.

Anyway, I should probably get around to doing actual homework...

Cold weather, hot barista, and the unintended consequences of Ash Wednesday mass

It's been cold lately so I've been frequenting Local Coffee Shop more than usual and The Hot Barista has taken note. I haven't paid for a drink for the last few days and he wrote his number on the cup sleeve today before he handed it to me with a wink and a "call me sometime."

In other news... a few of us went out for Mardi Gras and ended up staying up all night since we all had early classes on Ash Wednesday. Little Sister #1 is Catholic... although she tends to pick and choose what she tenets she follows... but she does Lent every year and this year she's giving up parties. I don't know how she's going to survive 40 some odd days without going out, but I guess the positive here is that the only major party holiday she's missing is St. Paddy's Day. And probably a handful of list parties, but there's always list parties.

Anyway, she wanted to go to 5am Mass on Ash Wednesday to get it out of the way and somehow convinced me (probably in the post-Mardi Gras drunken state) to go with her so she wouldn't have to go alone. I was up anyway so off we went. She got her little ash mark on her forehead, which I like to think of as a somewhat fashionable Catholic accessory for the occasion. While I was waiting for her to get her mark, I ran into this girl in my Genetics Section. I'm pretty sure she's a good Catholic and does everything as it should be done or whatever. Anyway she had her ash mark all day yesterday but when I walked into Genetics Section today... she had sprung a growth of acne right where the ash mark was! Oops... Little Sis #1 says that sometimes the priests use some oil based substance to mix with the ash so it sticks on all day and it probably clogged her pores. Little Sis #1 says that's why she went home and replaced the ash mark with non-comedogenic gray eyeshadow over foundation so she wouldn't have a similar problem. I love that she tries to balance her faith with her vanity. Perhaps Jesus is testing The Good Catholics out there by trying them with skin problems.

List parties and Pledges

Last night was the battle of the list parties... The Mansion vs. The Charter House. They're both known for their raging parties and everyone always wants to be on the list for them. They attract a lot of the same demographic and so it was interesting to see the bitterness build up between the two frats all week. They all came by and made announcements and at The House, they happened to make the announcement one right after the other and there was noticeable tension.

Anyway, it's standard practice for sorority girls to go to their boyfriends' frats' parties and stay there... but The Flirt decided to blackmail me by telling me that unless I showed up at his party, he wouldn't give me lab notes for the day I missed last week... ironically thanks to sleeping over at The Guitar Hero's the night before and not waking up in time for class the next morning.

I showed up at The Mansion first and hung out while The Guitar Hero was telling the new pledges what was expected from them in terms of party etiquette, bartending, and whatnot. The party got started and The Guitar Hero went upstairs to make sure the doors to all the wings of the house were locked while I waited downstairs by the bar. One of the pledges came by to offer me a drink. I hadn't met this new class yet and I haven't been around much lately for them to know who I am so he unsuspectingly started to flirt with me. He was decently cute so I pushed his pledge pin to pass the time and to force him to do something embarrassing... which in the Mansion's case is to get down on one knee, offer a compliment, and recite a poem that the older brothers make up. This pledge decided to go with the ever generic "You have a beautiful smile" as his compliment and before he could get to the poem, The Guitar Hero walked in and immediately said "That was a half-assed piece of shit compliment. Come up with a better one and do it again." The pledge then went with "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." The Guitar Hero said, "That's better" while putting his arm around my waist and then added, "Too bad she's my girlfriend. Haha poor pledges... attempting to get with older women. I saw the same one go hit on The Pageant Princess later.

I stopped by The Charter House's list party and The Flirt tried his hardest to keep me there but I promised to go back to The Mansion's party. I do have to say The Charter House's party was loud and worth the visit... especially since none of the guys there associate me as taboo (unlike most of the guys at The Mansion) and they are HOT. The Pageant Princess decided to stay there and I ended up going back to The Mansion by myself to face a bitter Guitar Hero who was mad that I left in the first place. Some idiotic Barbie's Whorehouse new pledge was flirting heavily with him so I said "Excuse me", nudged her out of the way and pulled him in for a hot and heavy kiss. Freshmen pledges. Honestly don't know who the fuck they're dealing with. I can outflirt them any day of the week and I'm damn good at it. But, I was feeling somewhat benevolent and also scheming to get rid of her so I sent the pledge that hit on me earlier her way. They were happily all over each other in a corner a little while later. Fixing up couples and eliminating the annoyances. All in a day's work.

Granted, I can already tell what's going to happen. They sleep together. He doesn't recall any of it (including her name) and doesn't respond her calls/texts/facebook messages. She gets all hurt about it, cries a bunch, then gets over it the next weekend with another hookup. The young ones just don't understand that if you hook up, it's a one time thing that's just meant to satisfy the desperate and current urge and nothing more. Seriously, girls gain some self-control, invest in a good vibrator or a steady boyfriend, or be fine with hooking up left and right with no further agenda... and stop crying to me about it because I've heard and seen the same damn story too many times. It's like that part of the horror movie where everyone is screaming "don't go in there" and of course the leading lady goes in there. Half-naked, no less.

Taking over the world, one campus at a time.

I haven't posted in forever.

Since taking on my role in Panhell, I've just been busy. To top that off, our International contacted us and extended invitations to a few of us to help colonize a new chapter of The House at this college about 4 hours away by car. Our International has been in a big push lately for colonizing more chapters at different schools. I've been spending my weekends down there with Internationals, alumni, and The Social Chair (who I'm going to refer to as The Pageant Princess since she's no longer social chair and she used to be heavily into beauty pageants.) since she's VP Membership for our Panhell. We've been doing some planning and brought some of our best and cutest recruiters and ran a spring rush there.

It was kind of annoying since it was like running an over the top spring rush since we had to compete with existing chapters. But we got a class of about 50 girls and they're into their pledge period and what not. A bunch of us have been doing work getting them ready and our chapter as well as a few others in the region have taken up the role of being big sisters and whatnot and inviting them to our events. We had our invitational last week and a bunch of them came to that. Granted, since they're still colonizing, they have to complete a bunch of tasks... but the bulk of my work on the advisory board is over and I can get on with life again.

Other updates... things are going somewhat rockily with The Guitar Hero. He was mad that I wasn't around for Valentine's Day since I was helping at our colonizing chapter dealing with stuff. He's also not too happy since The Flirt and I are lab partners in a class we have together. The Flirt, on the other hand, has been taking every opportunity to cause problems and be a romantic moron. He bought me not one, but several, singing Valentine grams from The Male A Capella Group with a Punny Name, which stalked me for most of the week before Valentine's Day. He also wrote me stupid little poems every single day that week... gems like:


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Let's get in bed,
For a good screw.

and

Remember the dude from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he would suck it?
He's got nothing on me,
I'm stiffer than a tree,
So come over and let me fuck it.

Honestly what kind of guy spends his time making dirty limericks? Although I do know one of The Charter House's pledge nights involves drinking and making up dirty lyrics to songs so they probably have decent practice.

Anyway, time to get some breakfast and head to class. It's been taking me twice as long to get to class lately because of the shitty weather. The weather forecast on the news likes to make it sound much cuter than it really is by calling it "wintry showers" when really it's sleet so it's like raining but raining white icee. And it splatters and is freezing and melts on everything.

Hello Hump Day!

It's been a while! I ran out of time at the end of the semester what with brutal finals... and then I just didn't feel like posting during my European Christmas vaca. Things have been relatively quiet in terms of family drama and whatnot. It's been a nice break... traveled all over but the highlights were definitely hitting Dublin, London, and Paris... possibly my three favorite European destinations. Met up with The Daddy's Girl from The House and we definitely hit the bars and met hot European men. It got a little interesting with this Irish guy I met at the Guinness brewery who wanted to take me out for New Year's. Nothing happened with The Guinness Guy (though I imagine it could have) but The Guitar Hero is happy to have me back in the States. Things are alright with him... we'll see how things go this semester. The Guinness Guy has been keeping in touch through e-mail and video chatting and I'm sure if and when The Guitar Hero finds out... it won't be good news.

I'm back in The House now... moved back in on Monday to uncover the sheets covering my furniture and dusted my room. I'm ready for another semester to begin. Sort of. Our newly initiated class is settling in and some of them have opted to move in. It'll be interesting. I'm keeping my room since I've been around and involved and whatnot. In fact this year, I opted to take less of a role in internal House politics (although don't let that fool you... I still have a lot of clout). Instead, I've been elected to Panhellenic as the Vice President of Sorority Affairs.. which means I get to go to Panhell meetings, IFC/Panhell joint meetings, and the occasional university senate meeting. They wanted to push me into being VP Membership, which would have meant ridiculous amounts of stress leading up to rush and dealing with bitchy girls from each house who are heads of rush in their own respective houses. Yeah right. I much prefer having hidden power. In any case, The Social Chair... who is actually no longer the social chair, has decided to take up VP M. Which works out great since we agree on basically everything.

Fraternity Rush Week is coming up and I've already gotten all the Facebook group and event invites. If this were Hollywood, a bunch of The House girls are definitely considered A-List and desirables at rush parties since the number of hot girls and booze at a party is directly correlated with how successful and how picky a frat can be in terms of selecting its pledges. The Guitar Hero wants me to stay at The Mansion by his side and really... he needs a reality check. Staying on the A-List means going to all the A-List parties, dropping some flirtations here and there, and remaining desirable.

Anyway... time to get ready for the Hump Day Bar Crawl...