The Joint Task Revealed

The Mansion pledges and The House pledges received their joint task last night. The only fault about doing things with only one other fraternity is that inevitably, the sorority always outnumbers the fraternity. Even though we are a pretty Greek school... it's just the way it works. Girls who lucked out were paired with a pledge and the rest were given one hour to find a guy who would complete their task with them. I was proud as every girl who had to find a guy did. Most were friends and we had a few boyfriends and other Greek men in the mix. The Pledge Mom had a little fun making the assignments and paired The Sorority Prodigy with The Guitar Hero's newest little bro, Bloodhound. Don't ask me why they call him that... that's his pledge nickname so I have no idea.

Their task is to learn a ballroom dance by Saturday, when they will perform it for both houses. The pairs all drew dances out of a hat - foxtrot, waltz, tango, or paso doble. Hahaha then we told them that unless they passed the task, they wouldn't be initiated. Always a fun threat that nobody ever actually follows through on. The Social Chair was brilliant for thinking this task up since it requires The Pledges to learn something about social interaction. And pick up at least one kind of classy partner dance that doesn't involve gyrations and simulated sex on a dance floor, great for invites and parties... not so great for respectable functions, date and dinner parties. We had some opposition in The House from some members, including The Vice President of Development, who thought that this task was going to be a waste of time and not be entertaining for the actives. I backed The Social Chair and commented on how ironic it was that this task could be seen as a form of self-improvement and learning a new skill and yet the VP Development herself was against it. Not to mention that this should keep everyone entertained since it's our own version of So You Think You Can Dance. That won out the vote. Girls in The House are addicted to that show... quite possibly even more so than The Dancers... oh the ironies.

Welcome to HELL!!!

Hell Week for our newest class has begun. This should be a good week. The pledges moved into the living room last night to facilitate the organization of events. Their tasks thus far have been relatively tame. It won’t get much more difficult, but it will be interesting. There will be a few late night awakenings and a joint task with The Mansion’s pledges. To start things off, last night there was a midmorning awakening at about 3AM which involved taking flaming shots of Bacardi 151 with their Big Sis’s and taking The Loyalty Oath that rituals would not be revealed. I imagine some of the pledges are still drunk if not hungover from that activity. Thank god I have always been able to hold my liquor. Same with The Sorority Prodigy. I was pleased. That’s the great thing about growing up with brothers and in a Greek family... you learn to drink early on. Granted I also made her take some vitamins and chug something with electrolytes before getting back to bed so I imagine both of us are more chipper than others.

In other news, Thanksgiving was such an ordeal. The Nana glared at me through most of cocktails and dinner. Although, cocktails definitely facilitated the process of dealing with relatives. The Older Brother was distant because someone in the family had told him about the date auction date between The Wine Heir and myself. Not to mention he FINALLY broke up with his girlfriend. Or she broke up with him. It’s not entirely clear but I’m guessing it’s the latter because he seems unusually morose. I felt almost a little bad, but The Older Brother I’m sure will be back to his erratic dating antics before long. He’s like The Flirt in that sense. And as if that wasn’t enough drama for the weekend, The Guitar Hero kept drunk calling me and wanting to talk about us. Why the hell are guys such girls? I had a long conversation with The Sorority Prodigy about it after one of these drunken episodes and she was saying how he’s being stupid and unnecessarily jealous. He really is and it’s a major turn off.

Black Friday shopping was pretty successful though. It was extremely sororitay in the sense that The Sorority Prodigy’s mother called The Mother and all four of us went on a shopping trip together. I got some new dresses, a new bag, and assorted accessories. The Older Brother, The Younger Brother, and The Guitar Hero decided to do the whole camp out for assorted video gaming systems thing. It was all about family bonding shit.

Although, the redeeming quality about family gatherings is that I hear lots of great Greek stories. Among them came the “urban legend” sorority hazing incident that everyone hears about yet it's so ludicrous that everyone hopes that it's not true… the one involving girls stripping down to underwear and a fraternity coming with magic marker and marking any imperfections. This actually happened at The Cool Aunt’s sorority one year. Apparently they had elected this crazy Pledge Mom who was on like fucking medication so she did all kinds of psychological shit like that. I believe it. The Cool Aunt has never been one to lie. But why the hell would the girls ever let fraternity boys do the marking? Of course every guy is going to think that there’s not enough in the ass or the boobs unless some girl is of pornographic proportions. It’s incredibly unrealistic and stupid. And any girl who knows anything about boys would know that.

Luckily, we at The House have better hazing rituals that are less crass. This week should be good.

Don't Faze Me, Bro!

It's Faze Day. All Greek Day of Fake Hazing. Something stupid the Advisors and The Administration and PHC and IFC came up with where every year we have this one day to "healthily engage in bonding activities". All events have to be pre-approved by the aforementioned parties and there are all this liability waiver shit that both Actives and Pledges sign saying that all parties acknowledge that a Pledge can stop at any time without repercussion... lots of annoying legal jargon... etc.

It is a decently fun day I guess and always a good one to see what everyone around The Row is doing to their pledges.

Last year, The Mansion's pledges served us "breakfast in bed". That was actually not my favorite... nor was it popular with a lot of girls just because we had to get up ridiculously early, clean our rooms, look cute, and then pretend to be "in bed". We told them not to do that this year for all of our sakes since we enjoy sleeping in post Friday night parties. They always make their pledges do something for us. We've got an informal Brother/Sister pairing up between our respective organizations even though that's generally not kosher. It just happened that way since so many of us happen to be dating so many of them.

Our pledges are playing in a soccer game against The Sorority Wannabe Pledges and that should be a piece of cake (slight pun intended). Considering how much of a huge joke that is. The Sorority Wannabes don't stand a chance. I imagine most of them have never set foot on a soccer field.

I imagine The Charter House will have something up their sleeve as well.

All in all, this should be a decently fun day what with the All Greek barbecue and all the assorted fake hazing "bonding" tasks. At least there is one guarantee for the pledges... that nobody's going to haze them tonight since The Advisors, The Administrators, and PHC/IFC will be on the look out for real hazing tonight and most houses are smart enough not to haze the night directly following a day of fake hazing in which all active members get an hour long presentation on the dangers and ills of real hazing. And get reminded that there will be "patrols" and that there's a Hazing Hotline. Dumbest thing in the world, but in the PHC/IFC and the Dean's offices, there is a phone line dedicated to reporting hazing. What a waste of a perfectly decent phone line!

A shotful of vodka helps the medicine go down.

Honestly some weeks I just get too busy to post... the last couple of weeks being the perfect example. Although there were some interesting highlights.

The Wine Heir flew us out to his family's vineyard for a weekend for our "date". It was charming and he definitely did impress. I think he wanted to emphasize the point that he has a bigger lot in life than The Guitar Hero. Nothing happened if any of you thought that I was going to be a sorority slut. Granted he kept plying me with wine and other assorted drinks. Between the two of us, a few bottles of Merlot and Cabernet disappeared and I had a pretty gross wine hangover the next morning. Damn sulfates. I nursed it with a baby bottle of Grey Goose tipped into tomato juice on the flight back.

The Wine Heir didn't hint at all at breaking The Guitar Hero and I up but of course that was his plan. I got back to my room in The House to find the largest bouquet of flowers I've ever seen and a box from Tiffany's. The Guitar Hero is being a big baby about it all... probably because he's insecure and it's annoying the hell out of me. Even The Sorority Prodigy told him to stop being such a baby and back off. His little jealous streak was cute at first and now it's just getting a little annoying. This is why being single is better than being tied down. We've had a rocky few weeks and I'm thinking about breaking it off just because it's getting to that point where I'm not having fun. He's just being whiny and depressed. The other day I was walking by The Mansion and he was blasting the most depressing country music in existence.

In other news, The House had our Big/Lil week during which I spent exorbitant amounts of time and money on The Sorority Prodigy. It's tradition in our line to get a Tiffany's letter charm so that was a part of it. Not to mention taking her out to dinner practically every night and sending her surprise flowers. Then I had to make Littles #1 and #2 feel better and not jealous so I spent time and money there too. Such a balance act... I've definitely gone on a lot of coffee/dessert dates these past two weeks.

And of course, The Row highlights. Most fraternities are heading into their respective Hell Weeks so there have been more interesting things to wake up to. The Dancers had the metal Greek letters on their house inverted... obviously the doing of fraternity pledges. Apparently they climbed up on ladders and unscrewed the letters and then rescrewed them in upside down. And then The Sorority Wannabe house... I feel a little bad that they didn't realize the prank that was played on them. Honestly they're not real sorority girls. They just like to think they are. But in any case, there are a number of Fat Fats and Awkwards in that house and so someone (maybe not even a fraternity is the speculation) left them a huge basket of Twinkies and other assorted processed foods. And the piece de resistance was a stuffed pig in the middle of the basket. Honestly how could the message be more clear?? They actually took it in and spammed the all Greek mailing list that they loved it. And they weren't doing the whole "be a bigger person" deal... they actually believed it. Oh well... at least they're all in the same house and not dispersed through The Real Row Sororities. I don't think I could handle anyone that slow in The House.

Midnight Raids and Broken Pumpkins

I woke up this morning and looked out from the balcony to find all of our patio tables stacked 3 high with the lounge chairs forming bridges between the two structures. At the top of two structures were "flagpoles" shoved into the holes where umbrellas should have gone and the flags... two pairs of boxers fluttering in the breeze.

Obviously a fraternity's doing... the only question is which one? The most likely culprits are always The Charter House and possibly The Hilltop House... The Charter House because we still have their Charter and Hilltop House is always trying to raid us.

We don't really care too much though because The Mansion offered us their pledges to take down the tables and chairs and arrange them properly again. So nice of them.

I can't wait until tomorrow. There are going to be raging parties tomorrow night and I've got a hot costume. The only unfortunate thing about Halloween is that the streets are littered with smashed pumpkins. On the plus side, it's cold enough now that there aren't too many flies around the broken chunks. But they'll start to smell soon. I don't know what possesses guys to want to break pumpkins all over the place. I imagine I'll see pledges picking up pieces of broken pumpkin before the day is over.

Well that was unexpected

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Making the World a Better Place

So I am now participating in The Mansion's philanthropy event to compensate for The Nana's crazy behavior and insinuations of The Guitar Hero's lack of virility.

The catch here is that their philanthropy event is a date auction. I guess it's not all bad... a chance to prove that I'm worth oodles of money. And yes. I am that confident that I will generate an obscene amount of money because I'm hot and I have the statistics to back me up. Not to mention the convenience of knowing that The Guitar Hero will likely end up in a bidding war with The Flirt since The Flirt has been on a mission to regain some of his dignity since we stole The Charter House's Charter.

This should be pretty entertaining and I suppose I should keep in mind that it IS benefiting Research and The Search for a Cure for Some Potentially Life Threatening And/Or Quality of Life Decreasing Disease.

The great part of having Greek family members is that they're all ambivalent about my participation in said date auction. The Mother is both amused and disapproving because she knows that sorority girls participate in such philanthropy events yet does not like the idea of her daughter being auctioned off to the highest bidder. The Father is significantly less amused because I'm his precious little girl, but he is grudgingly accepting that it is for a good cause and isn't in any form as bad as the wet t-shirt contest philanthropy event that The Cousin Who Likes to Push Boundaries participated in last year. Despite the fact that her school is in The South and thus extremely Greek, I'm shocked that any advisor would approve a philanthropy event like THAT. After all it's just one very thin layer of basically see-through white fabric, which doesn't leave much (if any) up to the imagination. I think The Cousin Who Likes to Push Boundaries does it for the shock factor. She likes to prove to people that she doesn't fit into a certain mold or conception that they might have of her.

The Older Brother (we're on speaking terms again... The Mother convinced him to call after The Nana incident) is supportive because his fraternity conducted a similar date auction a few years ago. He said to let The Guitar Hero know that he was willing to add $500 to The Guitar Hero's bid to help him win me if a bidding war ensued past The Guitar Hero's financial resources. That was generous. I don't understand The Older Brother's sudden change in attitude... something must be going on that I don't know about. Maybe The Parents did threaten to cut him out of the trust fund unless he talked to me.

On the note of date auctions... I don't understand why girls who clearly don't stand a chance sign up. It's one thing if you have a boyfriend who will most assuredly bid on you (if he knows what's good for him...) but it's entirely another if you are single and known as The Row Bitch. She's from Tinkerballerina's house, The Dancers. She's really not cute or hot enough for her to be that bitchy either. And most frat boys steer clear of her because there are some interesting stories involving her spreading rumors of impotence and/or general incompetence and no guy wants the girls to think that they're sloppy in bed. Talk about cockblock.

Haha The Sorority Prodigy tried to sign up for the date auction too but The Guitar Hero flat out said no and ripped up her form! Oh how protective big brothers are...

Hell Week

Not Pledge Hell Week (although that is quickly approaching).

I had every midterm last week plus a paper. Not to mention additional drama thanks to The Nana.

The Nana flew in to "have a serious discussion" with me about how I still am not on speaking terms with The Older Brother. Of course, I wasn't informed of this meeting so when she came up to The House, I was sitting in my room with The Guitar Hero. And since the forces of the universe are hellbent against me, The Guitar Hero sprung at the chance to meet a member of my family... the catch being that the person he was about to meet already hated his guts. Of course, The Nana already knew who he was and immediately told him that she had no interest in speaking with him and that her granddaughter could do so much better if only she weren't so stubborn and lazy about finding a decent man.

Thanks Nana, you're TOO kind. I was pissed as hell that she just showed up and even more angry because she just insulted The Guitar Hero AND me to both of our faces. But I couldn't bring myself to yell obscenities at my grandmother. That probably wouldn't fly so well with anyone in my family since she's the unofficial matriarch.

Of course, The Guitar Hero felt that both his and my honor were sullied and stupidly proceeded to disagree with her. He asked what she meant about me being "too lazy to find a man" and she quickly retorted that she didn't have to reply because he was too immature and stupid to understand. He pressed on and said that he had a right to know why he wasn't a "decent man" and then she criticized everything from his looks to his family background and ended on the fact that he was a brother of The Mansion. Then she told him that if it weren't for him, I would be dating "someone worthy" who would be able to satisfy my every desire.

Now this is when things get fucked up. She then said that he obviously could not satisfy me sexually because he, like all Mansion men, have small packages. That's right, my dear darling OLD Nana decided to play the sex card. I couldn't even get in a word to my defense, she immediately turned to me and said, "Your mother told me. If you didn't have sex, I would be worried. But you really should choose your partners better. You'll enjoy it more that way."

I was torn between laughing that my grandmother just told my boyfriend off for lacking in the sex department and crying because there is absolutely nothing more horrific than your grandmother telling your boyfriend that he is ill-equipped and then telling you that she knows that you have sex. I wonder if the grandchildren of the old lady sex specialist on late night TV feel as horrified. I do.

The fun didn't stop there. The Guitar Hero then told The Nana that he can satisfy me plenty because I scream loud enough for all of the adjacent rooms to hear while we have sex. (At this point, I'd like to deviate from the story for a moment to let you know that this is not factually true... the walls at The Mansion are soundproof so that they can have parties without disturbing bros who need to study.)

Oh, and then The Sorority Prodigy walked into my room just in time to hear that last comment.

I think The Nana has Tourette's or something because then she proceeded to sing a dirty song from The House about The Mansion which clearly made them seem like sexually impotent douchebags. I'd heard this song before but certainly never sang it outside the context of The House. And I certainly never expected my respectable (supposedly) grandmother to belt it out. Apparently this song came from The Nana's time at The House. As if I weren't traumatized enough for one weekend.

I think that's when The Guitar Hero got up, kissed me, and left. I proceeded to throw The Nana out... as politely as possible. Nevertheless I was called no later than five minutes after seeing her to the front door and The Mother was attempting to get me to reconcile with The Nana. Three minutes after that, The Cool Aunt called to find out what went down and what's this about screaming so loud that other frat boys could hear. So basically the entire family knows about my sexcapades, true or not.

And somehow The Guitar Hero is not happy with me despite the fact that he was the one who picked the fight with The Nana. There is no pleasing anyone.

I kick ass at diffusing conflict and placating people to a degree. But honestly, not even the most sororitay of sororitay girls could get out of this one seamlessly.

The Second Task with a spoonful of sweet revenge

It's that time of year again when the fraternity men send their pledges on missions to raid our house and we in turn send our pledges over there to toy with them.

I basically orchestrated The Second Task for the new pledges. It was time that I took a hand in planning some of the tasks. That and I need to exact my revenge on The Flirt... and what better way than through pledge bonding?

The Flirt had the nerve to hand the red thong I had given his little bro back to me in the middle of Monday Night Football and insinuate to everyone there that I had "forgotten it" there the night before.

I casually let it slip to The Flirt that The Pledges were going to go steal The Hilltop House's composite. I know he's been wanting to send The Charter House Pledges to raid The House and possibly steal some House paraphernalia - assorted trophies and plaques from various competitions we've won. I know that what he really wants is our Charter.

The Charter is nothing more than a symbolic and historic piece of paper which recognizes the particular Greek chapter as a local branch of whatever organization, fraternity or sorority. It's just a piece of paper, generally in a frame, but it is power. As tradition on The Row holds, steal a Chapter Charter and you can demand a request, any request, from them. It's the ultimate power play. As far as I know, no Charter has been stolen in recent memory... I heard that Barbie's Whorehouse had their Charter stolen several years ago and the repercussion was doing a lap around The Row stark naked.

I fully intend on never having The House Charter stolen.

As per Greek rules, The Charter must hang fully displayed. And so it is in The House... but seeing as there were no specifications as to where it is hung, we at The House have ours displayed on an outcrop from the wall about 30 feet in the air facing our twin stairs, but impossible to reach without a ladder. It sits in a niche essentially, probably originally intended for fake plants or useless decorative crap.

In any case, during this conversation with The Flirt, I also led him to believe that The House Actives would be away at an exchange with The Mansion... completely believable since several of us are dating several of them. You could practically see the cogwheels in his brain turning about how he would plan to steal The House Charter.

And last night the plan came together quite nicely. At about 10:30 last night, we sent The Pledges in the general direction of The Hilltop House. We in turn, turned off most of the lights and prepared for the raid.

I can't imagine why all the fraternities try to climb our trellis. It is honestly the stupidest, clumsiest, and most obnoxious way to get into The House. Last Spring, The Hilltop House tried this one and of course we kicked their sorry little asses...

I stationed Little Sis #1 in my room, which has a clear view of the trellis. A group of the quickest thinkers were stationed around the actual Charter itself. The Social Chair was leading that group and they hid behind sofas in the adjacent room, the grandfather clock, the closet we have under the stairs, and a strategically placed table that we moved in and covered with a cloth.

Another group was up on the roof and up on room balconies to tell us of any other movements and possible attempts to get into The House. We also had patrol groups stationed on each floor in case assistance would be needed. It may sound drastic, but raids are serious business and essentially it's all about strategy. I certainly don't want to have to run around The Row butt naked, nor do I intend on having The House's name sullied on my watch.

The Charter House boys started coming up the trellis and another group attempted to go through our garden to the rear of The House. The third and final group was stationed around outside, probably as lookouts for us.

We waited until the trellis climbers had fully made it onto the balconies and made their way through french doors we intentionally left open on the third floor. Then the ladies up on the roof started pelting paint-filled water balloons at the boys in the yard and also the lookouts who all promptly ran for cover. There's nothing like water balloons filled with paint to make a raid a little more interesting. The guys that had made it into The House were oblivious to the fact that their other groups had been taken down. The way Raids/Row Wars really work is that if you are covered in some kind of substance, you're essentially "dead" and out. The group in The House made their way down and systematically took framed pictures off the walls. My phone vibrated in my back pocket and it was a text from The Sorority Prodigy which confirmed their success on their task. I text back with instructions to start heading back and wait for lights and noise. I had been up on the third flood and quietly took the back stairs down to the ground floor and doubled back to the living room where I waited behind a door.

The boys were coming down the twin stairs and one of their phones went off with an annoying sound of a text message followed quickly by a whispered "SHIT!" Then I heard The Flirt whisper back, "why the fuck was that not on silent" The original voice said "Fuck! Ground Teams 1 and 2 were taken down. Just got the message." A nervous silence. It was beautiful. They were beginning to realize that something was up. I love this part. "If they're all on the roof, then they aren't here. Grab The Charter and run," one of them said. "Fuck. The Ground Team was supposed to bring the ladder."

At which point, I decided to walk out from behind the door and say, "Show's over, boys. You have failed in your mission" and promptly sprayed The Flirt and the two guys on either side of him with silly string. Girls then flooded out from where they were hiding and sprayed more silly string and threw glitter confetti on them. I think it was extra crap we had randomly leftover from last year that we dug out of some box. In any case, they were covered in silly string and confetti.

With all this noise, our front door swung open and The Sorority Prodigy stood there with The Charter House's Charter in her hands.

The look on The Flirt's face was priceless. And it's even more priceless because one of the girls got it on camera. I suppose it was all the more humiliating for them because they are the Alpha chapter of their fraternity.

Oh last night was a great night. It's already all over The Row that The House managed to steal The Charter House's Charter the same night that they tried to steal ours. Damn straight. You don't mess with The House and get away with it.

We (and by we, I mean I) haven't decided what we want to make them do yet... but I can assure you it WILL be good. Cheers to yet another successful raid and a successful defense!

The First Test

So the new babies were subjected to their very first test due tonight. We had an interesting mix of results.

Their first task was to get something from a fraternity man - a completely easy assignment. The Pledge Mom made it really simple too... my pledge year, we had to retrieve an item of clothing or something else extremely personal which clearly identified from whom it was taken. This year, it was literally anything. Of course, the members who brought the most interesting item are the ones who garner the most attention.

The Pageant Queen pledge brought in her boyfriend's fraternity pin... I'm guessing she'll be pinned soon which would be fun. I could do with a pinning ceremony or two this semester. It wasn't the most interesting object but it was appropriately sororitaaaay.

The Sorority Prodigy managed to get The Swimmer from Charter House's Speedo. I am so proud of her. That was like the best thing ever when she pulled it out. Apparently she went over and coerced The Prep to talk to The Swimmer and convince him to let her have it for the night.

Some other objects that were brought in were car keys, a credit card, a pair of boxers, etc.

Similarly, the pledges over at The Charter House were sent on a mission to get pieces of lingerie from sorority women. They already got their little bros and The Flirt's little bro came and found me and since he's a first year turned bright red and mumbled that The Flirt told him to get something of mine or else there would be punishment. What a cocky bastard... sending his poor little bro to get a piece of lingerie from me? Can't even be a man and come get it on his own. Whatever, not like The Flirt would get whatever I gave his little bro, so I picked out a silky red thong and sent him on his way. He was decently cute too... I should insinuate that to The Flirt sometime for payback.

This weekend should be fun though... lots of parties.

Tequila Tuesday

Went out with some of the new pledges tonight and happened to run into some of the girls from Barbie's Whorehouse and I'm shocked by some of their new pledges.

As a rule, I'm extremely lenient with my judgments on pledges. Sometimes (though this should never be the case), awkward girls go through to "find friends" and they end up in a house because of Panhellenic rules with rush numbers or because that house just sucks at recruiting. Whatever. These girls should be given a chance to evolve into a well-groomed and poised sorority woman. However, I personally think (and this is why The House does so fucking well during rush) that we shouldn't have to fix women. This isn't some shitty makeover reality show that barely passes for television. I have to not only see these women on a daily basis, but be seen with them. And really at the end of the day, I want The House to be known as the hot house who is the best on the entire fucking Row.

But anyway, I really wonder what's the story with The Whorehouse's new pledges... after all they generally only take the extremely anorexic and/or girls who would do well in pornos... the well-endowed, flash-their-tits-at-parties, suck-on-lollipops-all-day-for-practice kind of girl ends up there. Yet I counted (at least in the group) no less than seven women who would definitely not fit their house profile. It's like they were the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White except that this time it was like the Seven Scaries... there was Squinty, Frizzy, Backne, Muffin Top, Greasy, Cankles, and The Bull.

Squinty had Urkel glasses and squinted even with the glasses. Who seriously wears glasses, let alone blatantly unflattering glasses when they go out? I wanted to ask her if she left her suspenders and pocket protector at home and do that annoying laugh that has been relegated to daytime television to fill in network hours while people are living their lives.

Frizzy was probably the most fixable of the bunch. She just had ridiculously frizzy and curly hair that screamed "I need product!" Seriously. The Social Chair warned me not to get too close or else the frizz would send out its tendrils to suck out mousse from my hair and eventually ensnare my entire head. Scary, but possibly true.

Backne is a sad problem that I too can sympathize with. However, I can't sympathize with the stupid girl who wears a halter top unnecessarily. If you have backne and whatever meds or creams or washes aren't working, cover up the disgusting pus-filled pimples by wearing a top that covers your back. Not to mention it was cold out so there was no need to wear a halter.

Muffin Top was also a failure at choosing her wardrobe. She wasn't even fat which is quite possibly the saddest part of the story. It's one thing if you're fat and clothes don't fit... it's quite another when you're not fat, yet you choose to wear pants which cut into you in such a way that it creates the illusion of fat. In fact, I think that is even more telling about you as a person. It means that a) you have no fashion sense b) you didn't look at a mirror before you left c) you don't care or d) all of the above.

Greasy had hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. From a distance, it looked like it just had way too much product in it (she and Frizzy should be friends), but upon closer examination... it wasn't product. It was grease. I wonder if on hot days, you could fry things in her hair...

Cankles was a true fat fat. She had massive cankles and she tried to cram her elephantine ass into a tiny mini. I was surprised she didn't blow a seam when she bent over to pick something off the floor.

And The Bull. The Bull was otherwise an attractive girl who seemed personable. Minus her decision to get a nose piercing through the middle of her nose and then follow up that decision by wearing a ring in it. Like a bull does. What statement is she trying to make?! That she was some sexy matador to tame her??

Although to entirely fair, I feel like there's some back story here. Obviously something must have gone wrong with their recruitment or else there would be this collection of Awkwards and Fuglies. I should grill The Porn Star from Barbie's Whorehouse about it... we're mildly friends since we're both show up for the group spin and yoga classes at the gym.

I heart new babies!!

Yeah so there's basically no time to post while Rush is happening because everyone is insane and especially so on The Rush Board.

The plus side was that we rock rush every year and our new class is amazing. There actually aren't any Awkwards at all!!! Mostly because whenever The Awkwards voted high on anyone, everyone else voted low... and vice versa really. It's really a very good strategy.

Tonight was Bid Night and unlike some other more boring houses, we actually had fun with our new girls. We went had a few drinks and then went ice skating with boys from The Mansion. It doesn't get any better than that. Honestly, some of the houses did stuff like played board games at their house... like seriously do they think that's the best way to show their new girls a good time?!? By causing them to go bankrupt in Monopoly?? Whatever though, not my chapter that's going to shit haha. In fact their failures really just make The House look that much better and make it that much more of a top house.

In other news, the Sorority Prodigy accepted a bid to The House... I still don't know how The Guitar Hero feels about that but whatever. She's basically going to be my Little Sis #3. I've pretty much claimed her since I'm on The Rush Board and we make the Big/Little pairings. And she loves me so yeah it works out well.

I imagine The Guitar Hero feels a little awkwardly about it since his little sister is a) in my sorority and b) will quite probably be my little sis as well. Boys are so dumb sometimes. He's been like cling wrap lately too... I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's a little closed quarters sometimes. Tonight he hung around me the whole night and decided to pretend to suck at ice skating which is just silly since he used to play hockey in high school. Also fun was some of his bros hitting on The Sorority Prodigy and he glared at them and then they backed off when they found out she was his sister. I'm surprised they didn't really know before... she has visited before. In any case, they're wasting their time since she and The Prep have been going on regular dates and are as good as a couple.

Other than all the recruitment madness, there's nothing new really. I have a shitload of work to catch up on and a midterm coming up. I've got some great stories from rush about some crazies... I'll probably try to update on those when I need a break from studying.

Thursday Night Rush Parties

Rush is about to begin but I have no worries. We'll kick ass as we do every year, in part to our successful and sneaky dirty rushing. Example: The Sorority Prodigy is as good as ours since The Social Chair and I have been wooing her all summer.

Speaking of dirty rushing, The Social Chair and I hit up some frat rush parties tonight... which is always an interesting experience. The Charter House tried to keep us with them all night just because girls by nature attract pledges, let alone hot girls from the best house on campus. We left once the freshmen started trying to hit on us. The Flirt caught up with me tonight and attempted to woo me with compliments. I hate when frat boys try to do the "gallant" thing and walk us home because really... we're not going home... we're going to another party. The Flirt tried to walk me home when I said I was tired but really I meant that I was leaving to head to The Mansion for their rush party... needless to say The Guitar Hero was not pleased when he met me at my door with The Flirt walking me up the path. There were some looks thrown.

To be honest though... The Charter House's set of new pledge prospects seems a whole lot better than The Mansion's... they're just on the whole way cuter and more together with their clothing choices. I think The Sorority Prodigy and The Prep from The Charter House are well on their way to becoming a couple... much to the dismay of The Guitar Hero. Oh well. Not like he has much of a say in these things.

I'm surprised that girls stayed in at The House tonight... like who doesn't go out on a Thursday night???

I remember now why advisors are a major pain in the ass...

Ironic isn't it? Advisors are supposed to be there to help you... to ADVISE you... not to make your life more difficult.

Honestly, the thing they're "advising" us on is such bull too. According to them, Panhellenic is encouraging a blanket ban on terms like "rush", "party", and "frat" and that instead, we should be replacing them with "recruitment", "event", and "fraternity". Do you know how ridiculously idiotic this all is?

First off... OUR Panhellenic doesn't give a rat's ass about what words we use... they've never said anything to us mostly because they think it's bull too. Just because you change the name of something doesn't mean it suddenly makes some preconceived social stereotype about the Greek system go away. And now all of a sudden our advisors come telling us that we need to change the way we talk about RUSH. Yeah well fuck that. I'm going to keep calling it Rush. Because that's the way it should be. Parties will always be parties and frats will always be frats.

For once The House is united on this issue. Even Miss Socially Awkward thinks this is complete crap and she usually sides with our advisors on their stupid ideas. And believe you me, they're full of them. I've come to the conclusion that while we can have really cool alums, even famous alums like A-List Actress, volunteers like advisors and such are virtually all comprised of Past Awkwards who have decided they want to wreak havoc on college life for all of the rest of us. And because they have nothing else going on in their lives now because they are all Awkward. Still. Seriously, the three main Chapter Advisors live together with cats. I'm not even making that up, they're the Crazy Cat Ladies. For the most part, they let us alone, but there are always a few times during the year when they come drive us crazy... generally during Fall Semester... no wonder I hate fall so much. They're here during RUSH, Alum events and sometimes during HELL WEEK for the PLEDGES to make sure we're not making them stand in a closet holding up gallons of milk or some stupid shit like that that FRATS do.

So many politically incorrect terms, so little time to use them.

Rush Rush Rush

I have to move back into The House in a few days, which is difficult enough in itself, but now I'm being swamped with Rush planning. Luckily, since The Social Chair and I hold the most clout on The Rush Board besides The Rush Chair herself, we redistribute our long to do lists to the younger girls. We plan, they execute.

Most reputable houses hold a rush camp before rush to talk about how to recruit new members. Generally, the youngest pledge classes have to actually take part in rush camp. If you've been in The House a while and you aren't socially incompetent, we let you just spend the time moving in and decorating your room because it's inefficient to make you sit through Rush Camp four times over just because the newest members haven't gone through it before. It works out well... each member of The Rush Board is in charge of basically teaching one day of camp so we still have four days to ourselves. My day focuses around fashion and hair, which is by far the easiest day to handle... especially most people have already finished their clothing purchases for Rush.

The Social Chair has one of the suckier days. She's great at socializing... so she's been pegged with How To Talk To Rushees and Make Them Want To Join as well as its counterpart, How To Unrecruit A Rushee Who Will Not Fit In With The Rest of The House. It's a fine balance since while we are a pretty Greek campus, we're definitely not as Greek as say... The State School and we are definitely more of an academic/research oriented campus.... which means we do get a higher percentage of Awkwards who decide suddenly that they don't want to be awkward anymore and try to escape their awkwardness by joining a sorority. And since it's partially a numbers game, Awkwards do manage to get in sometimes... which means we have to do our best to recruit the girls we like and unrecruit the girls we don't.

It's irritating that The House has our own collection of Awkwards. Mostly because they don't understand this concept of unrecruiting. Unrecruiting is just as important as recruiting, even more so to some degree since we don't want our rep to be flushed down the toilet. I certainly don't want to be associated with The Girls Who Eat Their Feelings House.

There's nothing like a great party to round out the summer...

The Sorority Prodigy came up for a visit when The Guitar Hero came up and I convinced her to stay for a few days to hang out with me and The Social Chair. This is great all around since The Social Chair loves her too... which means I have twice the amount of pull from The Rush Board, not to mention the whole fun in three girls hanging out.

Tonight we went to a house party thrown by The Flirt from The Charter House... his parents were conveniently out of town. The Flirt is as his name describes him to be... he's a decently nice guy but definitely the ladies' man. He's been trying to hook up with me since freshman year when we lived in the same dorm and used to watch House, M.D. together since we're both pre-med. We almost hooked up on Valentine's Day of that year and ever since then he's decided to pull a Dr. Chase and text me every 14th of the month to ask me out. Without fail. Apparently not as dedicated as Chase asking Cameron out every Tuesday... but it amazes me that he hasn't forgotten a 14th yet. Still... I think he's too immature for me with his erratic dating patterns.

But the party was still fun. Met some more of the guys from The Charter House who apparently all think I'm amazing ever since their Jello Fight Night. The Flirt ended up organizing a Beer Pong tournament and he insisted that we be paired up for the whole of it... I wasn't sure if it was because he admires my aim or because he wanted to get into my pants since he kept sticking the ball in my face and telling me to lick it for luck. We ended up losing to The Social Chair and The Swimmer from The Charter House but it was okay because they ended up disappearing after the tournament and I just saw them asleep downstairs on a couch.

The Sorority Prodigy similarly had fun with The Prep. I imagine her mother would approve of him in terms of his family and whatnot seeing as his mother is also a member of the DAR apparently. I can also see The Guitar Hero not being happy with me if he ever finds out about tonight because not only are there decently hot guys from his rival house hitting on me, they're also hitting on his biological little sister. I don't think anything too graphic went down seeing as they were downstairs by the bar for most of the night.

Which, of course, left me and The Flirt... although not right away since I got into a huge debate with The Football Player about the whole Brett Favre leaving Green Bay bit, which then got a bunch of guys arguing on both of our sides. But he eventually got a keg rolled our way and the guys all decided that I just HAD to do a kegstand... which I did... but then I decided I wanted a drink of water and he decided to follow along. He then tried the whole "all the blood's rushed to your head from the kegstand, let's go outside so you can cool off," which I impatiently brushed off with an "I'm fine" but then he asked me to keep him company while he cooled off. Obviously he wanted to get me outside and away from everyone, but I'm a big girl so I just gave in and went with him. We walked to a park by his house and he insisted on pushing me on the swings. He was probably going for that big "romantic" moment in every good chick flick where the guy wins over the girl... and given his drunken state, it was not a bad execution... except that the girl is in a relationship already. To his credit, he didn't try to make a physical move... but he did dig at The Guitar Hero and The Mansion and asked me if I was ever going to say yes to a date. I told him that I would go on a date with him if he ever grew up and stopped being such a flirt. I figure that he was too drunk to remember that... plus he'll never stop being a flirt so either way I'm safe.

I don't think I'll tell The Guitar Hero about tonight... mostly because I think he'll make it more dramatic than it was or needs to be. He gets a little jealous whenever he sees other guys hitting on me, which is a little irritating since well duh, I'm in a sorority and I'm hot and not an idiot to boot... what do you expect? Of course guys are going to hit on me.

I'm still here at The Flirt's house. The Social Chair and The Sorority Prodigy didn't want to leave just yet seeing as they were both curled up with their respective boys and I didn't feel like driving after drinking so much. The Flirt wanted me to sleep with him in his bed (surprise, surprise) but he was pretty drunk by the end of the night so I put him in bed and said I was going to the bathroom and he was out by the time I turned off the light so I'm in their den using the computer. Sometimes I think that dating The Flirt would be fun since he's way more into sports than The Guitar Hero is which works for me since I grew up with two brothers and a dad who were crazy about sports. And sometimes The Guitar Hero gets a little worked up about stupid drama that happens like the whole thing with The Wine Heir which then he shuts himself away and writes songs on his guitar. But all in all, our relationship works and it's fine for now.

I think I might go out for coffee and bagels in a bit... no point in going to sleep now.

Hitting the ESC key once in a while is a good thing.

Got back from a stint at the summer house. I went with The Father who wanted to get away to work on his next book.

It was nice being gone from all the inevitable drama that surfaces when a group of girls come together. The latest news is that The Relationship Girl in The House stole The Social Chair's boyfriend. It was all pretty dramatic, but apparently they were all at a weekend party together and stuff just went down. The House is totally divided about it and I swear if it gets in the way of Rush I will drag that dirt out during our Rush Prep and sort it out. The Relationship Girl is a manipulative one, but really I think she's just insecure. She can never be single, being the major point. She generally gets with a guy, gets bored of him, and waits until something better comes along. Although, stealing The Social Chair's boyfriend was low even for her.

The Social Chair seems pretty stoic about it... pissed as hell, but she seems to be dealing with it. I had her come up the last few days to spend it with me here at The Main House and we talked about it over poolside margaritas. She is probably the person I trust most on The Rush Board and I can't afford to have her go through an emotional breakdown this close to Rush.

The other inconvenience in this whole situation is the fact that The Social Chair's now Ex-Boyfriend is a bro at The Mansion with The Guitar Hero. Which means that any and all events that they host, The Relationship Girl and I will be invited to and she will want to go with me. I never liked her all that much to begin with... but I do not want to have to pretend that what she did was okay.

Tomorrow I think I might take The Social Chair out shopping to cheer her up... and get her to hit on the cute guy that works in the shoe department of our favorite department store... I've noticed him on several shopping occasions. As for tonight, we're going to stay in and watch movies while drinking champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries.

Back to reality

Okay so I've been back home for like a week. But whatever. It's been quiet at home and things have calmed since The Older Brother's break with sanity. The Wine Heir sent me flowers apparently. They were all dead by the time I got home haha.

I've been going to the gym to get my tone back... I've lost it over the last few weeks. It's actually been inspiring. Last night, I went pretty late and there was this overweight man who was working out. That is what all fat people should do. Work out. Doing weights. Running on the treadmill. Hell, walking on the treadmill. SOMETHING active. I talked to my favorite trainer and apparently the guy's already lost like 50 pounds over the last several months. THAT is inspiring. Not even on the fat people becoming healthier level but the fact that someone can dedicate themselves to doing something.

The Guitar Hero has been really cute. I think the past weeks have reassured him of us. He's been driving up to see me even though it's like an hour and half away so it's been nice spending time together even though it's the summer.

I never realized how boring yachts could be... yet aren't at the same time.

The Guitar Hero's Father is an important businessman. Which means that even his yacht is outfitted with business tools. For example: The Internet. It's kinda sucky when we're out on the water (probably dial up speed) but it's ridiculously amazing when we're in the harbor.

That's about it. We got into a mild race today with another yacht. We totally kicked their asses. Some University crew team was also out practicing today. They provided nice eye candy for The Sorority Prodigy and me. All we did was lay out on the deck, look pretty, and sip mai tais. It was a relaxing day.

I couldn't sleep though and ended up changing the look of my blog. It was time.

It's the middle of summer. Why are people having "crises" about rush ALREADY?

I woke up this morning to find about 20 messages (voice/text/email) on my phone from assorted members of The House in various states of panic about recruitment. And I've yet to figure out why.

Yes, rush is important. It is the time where we fish out the girls who will be our successors from the girls who don't care about life enough to slick on some deodorant in the morning. But, we're not anywhere near it right now and The House does well every year. This year will not be any different, especially since The Rush Board has already put together a plan of action about our events and how we expect everyone to conduct themselves.

Miss Socially Awkward (who has always been a little slow in terms of fashion) sent me an email about not being able to find a white dress. What the hell? First of all... nobody said she needed a white dress for rush. To wear a white dress is actually a little stupid for rush, considering it's crowded and someone could have an accident with a glass of The House's Red Raspberry Cordial and your white dress would now have a giant red splotch on it. Unlike some houses (like The Dancers and Barbie's Dream House), The House doesn't believe in having assigned "colors" for each day. Honestly, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I remember when I went through rush and saw every single girl in Barbie's Dream House wearing black, grey, and red. They were like clones... which ironically is precisely what their personalities are like...

No, we prefer style over color uniformity. We instead choose a theme for the day and you must wear clothing appropriate to that theme. You may wear whatever colors you choose as long as they're flattering and fit the theme. And you can't wear colors that will clash with your Rush Team.

We sometimes hit snags with The Socially Awkward, who apparently have never seen a copy of Vogue, Seventeen, Lucky, or InStyle. Ever. But that's why we assign them to shopping buddies who must make time during the summer to go on a shopping trip with them.

In any case, I spent all morning calling these people back and approving the photos of their prospective outfits that they emailed me. I've rather envious of Little Sis #2's pumps... she got a brand new pair of Manolo Blahniks for her birthday. They're gorgeous and will fit right into three nights of Rush: Business Casual, Catwalk, and Formal.

The Sorority Prodigy came in about halfway through my replying to all these messages. She has impeccable taste, no doubt inherited from her mother. She walked in right when I was calling The Miser back. This girl drives me crazy. She constantly bitches about how expensive clothes are... because she only buys expensive clothes. I hate how hypocritically annoying she is. I swear you open her closet and it's all designer labels. She's also apparently never heard of a sales rack. She should really learn to hang out with The Bargain Hunter. That girl finds more discounts and sales than anyone else I know. Give her a set dollar amount that would seem impossible to outfit oneself for a given occasion, and she'll do it. It's amazing the rush you get when you find bargains.

The only legitimate call I got was from another member of The Rush Board, who was struggling to find a new printer for our sign that hangs outside of The House during Rush Week since the old printer went out of business and this is time sensitive since we have to get them the design and whatnot so they can print it and get it back to us by Rush.

Sailing, Sailing over the ocean blue

I've decided to go on the sailing trip with The Guitar Hero's family. In addition to the perk of avoiding The Older Brother altogether, I doubt The Guitar Hero's mother would have let me refuse. Thank god I packed extra clothes!

The past few days have been relatively quiet. It's been nice. We sail the day after tomorrow.

Follow Me on Twitter

I'm now posting to Twitter (which for the less technologically inclined out there, is a microblogging service that allows me to post short messages up to 140 characters when I'm out and about and see something interesting... like fat people exploding or some idiot walking into a wall when he sees a hot woman). That way you get all the good thoughts and I can stop making mental notes to myself to blog about things I see.

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Find and Follow: anonsororitygrl

Do it!

Ahoy, there!

Well the cruise was relaxing... The Guitar Hero (who luckily isn't as dipshitty as The Older Brother) believes me now and we are once again sailing through calm waters. Snorkeling was fun... we saw lots of Nemos and Dori-s and assorted other types of tropical fish.

The last few days have been far more interesting. I've been visiting with The Guitar Hero's family... they may not be of a family quite as famed as The Wine Heir... but they're from old money and known in the circles of upper society.

We got to his place during the late afternoon and his mother had some DAR friends over at the time. They were having tea... and so we got rooked into also having tea. That was when the interrogation began.

They grilled me about my family background and about my history. The whole group of old biddies was quite appalled that I never came out into society as a debutante and proceeded to cackle about their own daughters' coming outs. I really don't give two cents in shit currency about not having been a debutante. It's like a weird ceremony which mixes friends and family and alcohol... which is so often a bad combination. Plus you're usually too stupid at 16 or 17 to really enjoy the whole event. The Biddies only let up when they found out that I'm a member of The House. Turns out all of them are sisters and they're still active in their alumae group (see post about Alums...) Although the one nice thing about having old biddy alums is that they throw money at you. It's almost like being a stripper except more dignified and the customers are old women instead of men.

The Guitar Hero's Mother put me in a guest room in the wing of the house at the complete opposite end from The Guitar Hero's room (seriously, my room is on the second floor and his is on the third... complete opposite wings). I'll have to say this: the woman has impeccable taste. Which made me more sure of my clothing choices for this week. I feel very dignified in my choice of clothing. I only packed one pair of jeans and that's only on the off-chance we go horseback riding. I imagine she doesn't like jeans.

The Guitar Hero's Sister who shall henceforth be known as The Society Prodigy, is a sweet girl. She's still "young" (only a few years younger than us, but I'm jaded for my age) and just came out in society (I'm sure there are many of you snickering at the implication that she just came out of the closet, but no). She seems to like me... she came in and helped me unpack my clothes. She's a riding champ so I imagine before long I may be coerced to go for a ride. She's coming to The University too in the fall and she's primed for being a legacy to The House.

Which brings us to the point of dinner conversation. The Guitar Hero mentioned during dinner how I was really involved at The House and constantly staying busy (to which his mother said "And you still find enough time to spend time with my son?"... I smiled through that dig and nodded) and my position on The Rush Board came up, which piqued that DAR society woman's interest. Apparently she also served in the same position and she has vested interest in me since I could singlehandedly get her daughter into The House. Although I'm not sure why she would be so excited about the latter since we always give priority to legacies anyway. Even the trashy ones.

I remember last Fall Rush, we had this whorey legacy go through that everyone hated. She was offensive and rude and we wondered how any alum could spawn such children (until we remembered The Alum with the Bad Boob Job). We had to give her a courtesy return bid on the second day, but we dropped her ass to the bottom of our lists by day three.

I expected to be talking about The House a lot... but she grilled me on this year's Fall Rush plans... well into dessert. I got tired of it after a while since that's a subject I've beaten over and over again when dealing with my subordinates as well as the occasional stupid comments from Miss Socially Awkward and her band of awkward legions. In any case, I'm confident that The Guitar Hero's Mother approves of our rush plans after I explained them in detail, despite the fact that she thinks that stargazer lilies are too bright and ostentatious for the day of house tours and that cala lilies would be much more "elegant". Whatever. As if cala lilies aren't ostentatious in their height and alabaster appearance (at least with the white ones).

Oh well. Just a few more days and I'll be back home. Although The Guitar Hero mentioned a sailing trip that his family is taking and would like to take me along. I would have to meet some of his extended family, but I might just accept to avoid The Older Brother entirely since he's still moving his stuff out of our house and into his apartment. We still haven't talked since the incident and as far as I can tell, the majority of the family who now knows about the whole background story (surprise surprise) agrees with me and thinks he's retarded.

Off to a day of high society events...

It seems that insanity is more prevalent during the full moon...

I just read an article that The News Junkie of The House emailed out... that some girls from Massachusetts supposedly made a pact to get pregnant together. All of them are under age 16.
One even got knocked up by a 24 year old homeless guy!! (check it out here if you wish Pregnancy Pact)

What the hell were they thinking?

There's speculation that they wanted someone to love them unconditionally, because they weren't getting it from boys or parents or whatever. What the fuck. Just because you pop out a kid does not mean you're going to get a little mini-you that is programmed to love you. And actually, when you hear screaming and crying at 3 am, I imagine you won't love it very much either.

In fact, unless you are well-established with job security and strong family support, there are tons of reasons that children will only serve to make your life miserable from day one. One girl from The House got pregnant last year and it was NOT a pretty sight. She decided to keep it for a veritable host of reasons (mainly religion and because she had the luxury of choosing due to her family's ability to support the added burden). At the time, I was in a bunch of reproductive health classes and I witnessed what I learned first hand, which was educational and whatnot for me, but massively sucky for her.

Everyone who does not fall under the category of well-established and in a secure point in their lives who is making a child with the person whom they love and who loves them... should read the following and if you still want to have a child, you should be taken to a mental institution.

Babies may be cute... but remember that during pregnancy, fetuses are essentially parasitic leeches. They take over your body and use it as a host: sucking your life force, nutrients, and will to live out of you. In fact, we learned in Human Reproduction that if an expecting mother doesn't get enough calcium to support the baby as well, the baby will steal it from the mother's bones. Hello future osteoporosis. Sadly, while they suck nutrients out of your body, they manage to force you to gain anywhere from 20-50lbs and give you unsightly stretch marks which are pretty much here to stay.

Pregnancy is not glamorous. The Pregnant Girl in The House puked every morning and sometimes into the afternoons. She missed a lot of class while collapsed over a toilet. Really. This is college. If anything she should have been puking because she drank too much, but no. Ankles retain fluid and suddenly shoes don't fit right anymore. You will not be able to walk properly and will instead be subjugated to waddling. Not to mention you will be hot all the time and unable to find a comfortable position to sleep once you really start to get big. Did I mention really weird cravings and heartburn? And once that baby starts moving around, he or she will find the exact position to make you most miserable.

Oh yes, and the incessant need to pee. That baby will lodge itself in the precise position to kick your bladder just for fun. The Pregnant Girl in The House had to pee all the freaking time. Not only that, this one time when she was about 7 months, she fell in the toilet and needed help getting up. It was definitely not cute.

And of course, that's just all the beginning.

Pregnancy often involves lots of needles. Not your average syringe needles...we're talking the big kahunas. During an amniocentesis, which tests the amniotic fluid surrounding the fetus for gender as well as deformities, the doctor sticks a rather long needle into your abdomen or vagina to broach the placenta. Though they use local anesthetic, this is not a pleasant experience. Also, once you go into labor, if you opt for the epidural, you're going to get one long ass needle up your spine, which serves to block off all nerve signals to the brain from your lower body.

And of course you've had to have seen movies depicting labor. Let me tell you, the movie Knocked Up was tame in comparison. The Pregnant Girl was screaming her head off every time she had a contraction and practically ready to start throwing objects that surrounded her bedside. Luckily, a nurse was wise enough to place these just out of her reach. Then during the actual labor process, doctors often have to take scissors and cut your vaginal opening to make it bigger for the baby to pass through without tearing. Cut. That's right. Because apparently clean cuts are easier to stitch up than tears. Think about THAT.

And then once it's all over, you have a child. A baby that will scream, cry, and ooze fluids of various colors and viscosities out of its every orifice. This process usually occurs at inopportune times like 3 am in the morning, which massively sucks in itself, let alone if you have work or school the next morning. The screaming will stop once you pick up the baby and feed it and rock it but once you set him or her down, the crying will commence once more.

Your body will still be doing weird things. Like oozing milk from your breasts, which will then cause you to resort buying bra pads to absorb the excess. They will also hurt if they're too full of milk so you'll probably need to invest in a milk pump.

And then there are the added financial burdens. The base average that I've read in the first year of life... is a whopping $10,000. And this is just for the BARE minimum. Don't forget all the work hours you won't have since you'll be too tired or unable to find work due to lack of affordable daycare.

Then when you don't have time to properly raise your baby and start disciplining them from the start, they turn into little terrors which evolve into bratty tweens and then you get your breed of future idiots and general drains on society.

Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. The Pregnant Girl happens to have parents who are well off and grudgingly willing to help her out. The agreement is that they will help raise the baby if she finishes school and gets into a real career. She's lucky. But guess what, even if you want unconditional love, you can't always have it since she can only see her baby on weekends or when she has time. Forget hanging out with friends, all of your time will be divided on work and the baby. The Pregnant Girl had to deactivate from The House because she just doesn't have time to be an active. She didn't have a choice.

Don't be stupid and make stupid choices without examining the facts. The whole childbirth/childrearing experience will come in time when you can actually experience the joys because you won't be constantly worried or preoccupied with the horrors. I hate when I read about people voluntarily doing things to make their life unnecessarily complicated.

What really took the cake though, was the fact that the doctor and the nurse at the school clinic resigned due to inability to distribute contraceptives confidentially. While I applaud their stand for contraceptives as another choice, do they REALLY think that was the issue here? Assuming that these girls were seeking to get pregnant, obviously they wouldn't have used birth control even if it were available to them. The root of the problem was not lack of contraceptives, it was the fact that they only chose to see the bright side of pregnancy and ignore all of the crap. In the end, they may not be to blame. After all, why would they need to make unconditional love if they received it or had support or someone to talk to them? Based on this story alone, I can't lay blame on the parents either... who knows what the real facts are? But somewhere along the way, there was a misconnect... whether it be in the support system or the inability to communicate the girls' wants and needs properly.

I can't wait to leave on the cruise and forget about sad stories like this about people making stupid decisions.

A week of insanity in all of its forms... another chapter of Sorority Experiences From Hell

Let's start with the tame...

The Family arrived for The Older Brother's graduation and proceeded to question why I was staying at a hotel. They concluded that it was because The Older Brother's Girlfriend wanted to stay with him and this false (albeit hilarious) assumption led to a yelling match between The Dad and The Older Brother.

The Cool Aunt realized right away that my moving to a hotel was the result of a falling out and proceeded to talk to me about it. This wasn't so insane.

The Older Brother then accused me of leading The Parents in the false accusation and told me that he should have expected that from a "a sorority bitch". I proceeded to remind him that his girlfriend was also, similarly, a "sorority bitch". He promptly told me (again) to stop hanging out with The Wine Heir. This is about the time when The Parents came and overheard that last bit.

They disagreed with The Older Brother but also questioned my motives since they know about The Guitar Hero (to an extent). This resulted in more shouting and general uproar in The Older Brother's room... which The Wine Heir just happened to be walking by at the time leading to...

The Wine Heir accosting The Older Brother about why he didn't want me to see him which then led to more yelling and it basically came near to blows.

This was all just the beginning...

At the actual graduation ceremony, The Parents ostracized The Older Brother's Girlfriend and didn't save her a seat, so she had to sit by herself towards the back. During the sitting time before the ceremony, The Nana then sat next to me and asked if I was seeing anyone. When I said "no" to make my life easier, she dropped the bomb and told me she knew I was seeing someone from The Mansion. Which led to another battle... this time between myself and my wily, seventy-something grandmother defending my dating choices, which led to The Family finding out and demanding that I bring him to the next family function. This all meant that The Older Brother had "let it slip" to The Nana to cause general pain, suffering, and mayhem.

I finally got the story out of The Mom later when she had had a few drinks. Apparently when The Nana was a pledge, the actives in The House Chapter that she was in sent her class on a raid to The Mansion at that chapter. There's some fastforwarding and something about The Nana seeing someone at The Mansion but then that was a dare based on their own pledge class's tasks and led to some sort of humiliation involving nudity and the front lawn. Which is more than I ever needed to know about The Nana.

Graduation was whatever... the pictures in my opinion look very forced. I looked fine... given all the times I just put on that sorority smile and pretend like there's nothing wrong...but The Parents and The Older Brother just looked tense.

Post-graduation dinner... The Parents invited The Wine Heir who sat next to me... at the end of the table farthest from The Older Brother. The meal was nice... steak, potatoes au gratin, wine (not from The Wine Heir's vineyards, amazingly), all served with a side of glares from The Older Brother and The Older Brother's Girlfriend.

Oh, but the real fun had yet to start.

The Older Brother's Frat had a huge party after we got back from dinner which was general debauchery but with some parents thrown in... which was just plain weird. But I guess it was alright since most of the parents had been Greeks themselves, which led to a beer pong tournament between The Fathers while The Mothers all sat around playing poker and making bloody marys.

While I was innocently sipping a bloody mary and watching The Mom kick ass at hold'em, I got a phone call. From The Guitar Hero. He told me he just got a call from The Older Brother which essentially twisted the story about me spending three hours on a roof with The Wine Heir. Which led to me walking outside and trying to talk sense with The Guitar Hero... who is generally fine with me going to all sorts of exchanges and philanthropy events which involve partnering with other guys. But, The Older Brother implied that this specific event would make me reject The Guitar Hero's pin. Apparently he was planning on pinning me when we got back to school. This led to him hanging up on me and no response to calls back.

And of course the cherry to top off the night would be that not five minutes after I got off the phone, The Wine Heir drunkenly wandered out and attempted to console me by attempting to convince me to date him instead. At this point, when I was just done with everything, he leaned in to kiss me and I felt a small prick through my shirt. He tried to pin me. With no grace, no acceptance from my part and a general lack of coordination due to his drunken state. I pushed him into a column of the house in self-defense and I left. I called a cab and went back to my hotel where I packed my stuff, checked out, and went to the airport to catch a flight home.

I haven't talked to The Older Brother since and as far as I'm concerned, he can take his damn diploma and shove it up his ass for his bitchy girlfriend to fish out. The Parents weren't happy about my method of escape but have left me relatively alone about the matter. They're too busy trying to figure out how to get The Older Brother to stop being a dipshit to worry about me. The Nana called me earlier today to "discuss the situation" about how she disapproves of my relationship with The Guitar Hero and to top all things off, thinks I should date The Wine Heir. I managed to talk sense into The Guitar Hero and convinced him to still come on the cruise that I had won before school ended with me. We're leaving tomorrow. The Wine Heir has not called me, but texts me repeatedly to apologize and hope that I will go out to visit him on the family vineyard. I haven't responded to them because as far as I'm concerned, the whole rooftop wine drinking was totally on a whim and that he hasn't had enough contact with me in the last few years to warrant me visiting him. I don't KNOW him well enough to want to. On the other hand, The Guitar Hero wants me to meet his family still and to make peace, I agreed to after the cruise.

I've spent most of this week as a recluse in order to prepare myself for the next two weeks. Not to mention I had to go shopping for all the right things for the cruise and to meet The Guitar Hero's family... which meant loading up on the sundresses and shelling out some serious cash for certain designers that The Guitar Hero told me his mother likes to see on young girls... which also meant studying up on said designers to some degree in case his mother decides to play quizmaster and see if I'm legitimately knowledgeable about all things sororitay. Luckily, The Mom and The Cool Aunt (The Dad's sister) seem to have some semblance of pity for my situation and thus, between the two of them, offered to foot the bill for these items. I'm grateful that they are contributing to my sanity and composure at the moment instead of methodically chipping away at it.

Here's to a hopefully peaceful cruise...

Old memories and a few new ones for the drama collection

So I flew out to The Older Brother's school a few days ahead of The Parents and The Relatives to spend some time hanging out. I'm staying with him at his frat so it's been pretty chill and whatnot. He lucked out and finished his finals ages ago so he's just waiting around to graduate. Most of his bros are done too so they ended up throwing a kegger for the seniors. It was... interesting... to say the least. It's been a long night.

Let's start off with the fact that the nickname "Jailbait" is still following me around. Although now The Older Brother has loosened up considerably about the whole incident. I imagine that he would still attempt to beat the shit out of any of his bros though, were they to hook up with moi. But, perhaps "Jailbait" is a blessing in disguise... it certainly isn't as bad as the nicknames the boys have given each other. For example... we have Sweetcheeks (you can be assured that most certainly doesn't refer to face cheeks, I heard the story), Dojo, and Shrek. Yes, that's right... Shrek. Apparently they're very well versed in their Disney/Pixar references, even though Shrek doesn't resemble the actual Shrek at all, in looks or mannerisms.

There were a couple of other girls at the kegger, although The Older Brother's Girlfriend was not in attendance (thank you Lord). She had a paper or something to finish. Also at the kegger was the frat bro that I made out with a few years ago. I recall having a few nights of great conversation prior to the actual makeout sesh... but I hadn't seen him in a while since I missed him the last time I came out to visit. We are sort of on an ongoing facebook messaging/wall-posting correspondence... but I learned a couple of things from The Older Brother about the guy's pedigree this weekend... apparently he's grandson to a decently well-known wine-maker and winery founder. The Older Brother claimed that he wanted to protect me from the wiles of the rich and those who "sit higher than we do socially and financially." I'm still trying to figure out whether he was serious about that or not... he could just be coming up with a bullshitty excuse. I don't think he seriously considers certain socioeconomy classes to be off limits... after all, our family is wealthy in our own right. But in any case... the following conversation ensued between The Wine Heir and me:

The Wine Heir: Jailbait! Glad to see you finally here and not avoiding me for once.
Me: You really think it's necessary to call me by that... considering I no longer qualify as jailbait?
The Wine Heir: Hey, memories of good times right?
Me: You really think you gave me that good of a time?
The Wine Heir: Ouch, just shove the knife right in why don't you?
Me: That's just the way I roll.
The Wine Heir: Up for a drink?
Me: Of what?
The Wine Heir: Well I was thinking about cracking open a bottle of Chardonnay that I have chilling in my room.
Me: Isn't this supposed to be a kegger... which equals beer last time I checked?
The Wine Heir: Yeah, but come on... for old times' sake.
Me: Ha=ha. Just because I got incredibly pukingly sick from sharing several bottles of red wine with you that night doesn't mean I need a repeat.
The Wine Heir: I said a bottle... not a case of them haha.
Me: Ha, well, wouldn't want The Older Brother to beat the living daylights out of you again now would we?
The Wine Heir: Oh he doesn't really care, he told me so later he was doing it to keep appearances up at the time.
Me: Right well, I could use a break from kegstands.

Splitting a bottle of Chardonnay? Right. We ended up spending the entire night sitting on the roof with said bottle of Chardonnay, along with several other liquors as the night wore on and then went out for late night food. Nothing happened, in case any of you cynics out there were cheering for the sorority girl to be a dirty cheating whore... but there was serious implication on his part. Don't take it the wrong way, he didn't make any outward moves, but come on... wine for two on a rooftop when there's a perfectly good kegger going on? Please don't tell me The Socially Awkwards are reading this and think that that is perfectly platonic, 'cuz let me tell you with the straight ones, it never is.

To be sure, I'm not about to go running to The Guitar Hero to relay the events of this evening beyond the kegger. I don't need jealousy cropping up. Although, I don't know. There is something tantalizingly sweet about The Wine Heir. Then again, it's not like I know him very well and as the old cliche goes, the grass is always greener on the other side. Who knows? He could be an idiot or a total frat boy ladies man, which is not what I need right now.

Of course this morning, The Older Brother accosted me and it wasn't pretty...

The Older Brother: So, you disappeared pretty early on last night?
Me: You were sober enough to notice?
The Older Brother: I don't get drunk at these things. You know that.
Me: Yeah, I went up to the roof to get some air.
The Older Brother: For three hours? With The Wine Heir?
Me: Yeah, so what? We split a bottle of Chardonnay and hung out. Not like anything happened.
The Older Brother: Don't pretend to be so innocent about it or think that I don't know what's going on. He's got a thing for you and you know it.
Me: Alright. So what then?
The Older Brother: He's out of your league and oh yeah, last time I checked you had a boyfriend. Don't be a skanky sorority bitch.
Me: Excuse me! I didn't do anything wrong. We hung out and talked about random shit that didn't lead to anything beyond more talking. What the hell's your problem and why are you so caught up on the whole "he's out of my league" shit?
The Older Brother: Because he's rich and he can have any girl he wants, including a line of golddiggers that won't hesitate to take you down in the society papers.
Me: Why the hell does that matter to you?! You know I'm dating someone right now who is also rich and from old money whose mother is a fucking member of the fucking DAR. Why doesn't THAT bother you?
The Older Brother: That's different. No one knows his family outside of that circle of people. Everyone knows The Wine Heir's family. Don't push it.
Me: You still haven't fucking explained why that bothers you. I have a right to know since you're being a little insane about it when there's not even anything going on between him and me.
The Older Brother: Just fucking leave it alone.

Aaaand that's where the conversation ended. I promptly took all my stuff and checked into a hotel. I don't need The Older Brother giving me some crap about dating within my class... which is an argument that doesn't even hold anyway, given The Guitar Hero's family tree.

This is going to be an interesting next couple of days...

After getting an edjumacashun, you have to attend a gradumawashun

The Older Brother's graduation is coming up and I now need to think about packing. Thank god The Parents gave me a Tiffany's jewel roll last Christmas so I can bring along all the necessary accessories... seriously though, accessories make the outfit.

The Older Brother's girlfriend who is a member of The Barbie's Whorehouse sorority at their school will also be in attendance. I hate that bitch on so many levels. I still haven't figured out quite why The Older Brother likes her so much... probably because she enables him to work out his frustrations sexually... Honestly she goes around touting how much greater her house is compared to mine. What the fuck. We're not even on the same campus so she just really needs to cool that shit. Although, The Older Brother showed me several smack posts on Juicy Campus about her, criticizing everything from her bleached hair to her oddly robust breasts. There was serious speculation about a boob and nose job combo in one thread. Hey, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure having larger assets are worth extra premiums when you're sliding up and down a pole.

They're talking about moving in together after graduation and our parents are horrified. I'm fairly certain they'll do everything they can to prevent that. Who knows, maybe they'll even threaten to cut him out of the trust fund. That would bring some nice family drama and significantly increase both my share and The Little Brother's share...

In any case, it will be a huge family affair since it's the first kid's graduation. I'm sure both grandparents will be in attendance and probably a whole slew of aunts, uncles, and cousins.

The Guitar Hero wanted to come along and do the whole Meet the Parents thing, but I persuaded him out of it. I don't need the entire family questioning every little thing about him and I haven't taught him the ways of mastering my family yet. Old people are really good at wearing down at young people. Especially The Nana, my mom's mom who was also a member of The House, but at a different chapter. She HATED The Mansion back then because of some crazy drama that went down and I imagine she still has a fiery hate for them now... And seeing as I'm her legacy and favorite grandchild, she may feel particularly inclined to interrogate The Guitar Hero and possibly castrate him just for fun. Sure it's fun to be in a family that's been Greek for ages and ages, but it's not without its consequences and complications.

Ugh I'm also less than excited to visit The Older Brother's frat... which actually doesn't have a chapter at my school. I visited The Older Bro during my senior year in high school for like a weekend and I happened to hook up with one of the new pledges at the time. When The Older Brother found out, he gave that pledge the ass kicking of his life for hooking up with me... which has since earned me the oh so lovely nickname of "Jailbait" around their frat. And it hasn't gone away since that incident. Hopefully all of them will have enough combined sense between their two heads (ha-ha) to not use that name when The Parents are around... or else they will send me to the 13th circle of hell and threaten to cut me out of the trust fund.

BBQs and Drinking Games

It's surreal to me that Twin B will be getting married and moving in with The Generic Biotech Firm Guy within the year. But still, today was an interesting prelude to their married life. Apparently this house he bought was originally foreclosed and went to auction, so he got it for a steal... like less than one third the house's original value. What a steal!

It got kind of sickeningly sororitay once more girls started showing up and we decided it would be cute to take pics in front of various locations around the house... the infinity pool, Twin B's custom built walk in closets for all of her shoes, by the gazebo... I'm looking forward to not having to sorority squat in a big pack of girls for the next few weeks. My knees could use the rest. Not to mention it'll probably take that long just to stop seeing the ghosts of camera flashes...

But seriously, those closets are magnificent and glorious and every girl should have that much space.

I do have to say that I was complimented on my outfit, so I guess weaving around the fat fats was worth it despite all the agony I experienced.

The Guitar Hero, The MBA Guy, and The Generic Biotech Firm Guy were pretty much the grillmeisters and since they're all either past or present frat boys, the burgers were pretty decent. The girls all splashed in the pool and played a little volleyball while the boys were grilling. I wonder if Twin A is jealous at all... considering The MBA Guy doesn't have real work yet. I think they're even holding off on the wedding until he can find work and an apartment.

We decided to revive some good old drinking games and managed to all get pretty trashed playing quarters and beirut. Which led to playing chicken in the pool with those foam floaty things. That was interesting since both sides were equally uncoordinated after the drinks.

And then of course while we were drunk, Twin B AND Generic Biotech Firm Guy accosted both of us and somehow shanghaied us into being a bridesmaid and groomsman... which I suppose will be fun, but it's like involvement in a friend's wedding about 4 years too soon for my biological clock.

The Guitar Hero and I ended up spending the night since neither of us was up for driving back to The Mansion. But when we finally did get back, the Facebook event was already up with the date. Seriously, Twin B is a sorority girl through and through.

There is no justice in this world...

I went shopping today for a new outfit to wear to Generic Biotech Firm Guy and Twin B's barbecue party and of course there were fat people jiggling along their merry way, still able to stuff multiple Big Macs down their fleshy sleep-apnea-snore emitting throats. And of course they take up the entire walkway so I can't even quickly go around them without actually being partially absorbed by their multiple fat rolls. So I'm forced to draft them from behind. Talk about major B.O. God it smelled like ancient gym socks from the bottom of a frat boy's hamper which haven't seen the light or fresh breath of day in the four years that he's been a member.

I wanted to projectile vomit my disgust onto them.

And wouldn't you know it... the fat fats were headed towards the same department store that I was. They even went straight to the dress that I had been eying in a catalogue so I had to quickly turn my attention elsewhere to escape their smelly jiggliness. I once again almost wanted to throw up lunch all over them so they would leave. Almost. But I was in a really nice store and you know, vomit in general isn't too healthy for the body, so I refrained.

I perused the fine jewelry counters and thought about what accessories would go well with my outfit and once the fat people left the rack with the dress on it, I went to get a closer look. It was a decent material - a linen in a deep navy blue, but it screamed "dry clean"... what with the way linen wrinkles at the slightest breath of air. Dry cleaning is currently out of my budget, given the monthly Brazilians and regular mani/pedi/hair salon trips which keep me feeling sane enough to study.

I browsed some more before I went to go consider an anchor necklace that I saw in the accessories case, and passed the fat fats, who were making a purchase at the register.

To my horror, the male fat fat casually whipped out an AMEX Black card. WHAT THE HELL. How can someone who is rich enough to have the coveted AMEX Black card, BE a fat fat??! Rich people who are that rich can afford all the personal chefs and trainers and equipment and spend all day doing lunges around their mansions and castles to NOT be a fat fat. And if not that, they could choose to suck out the fat via liposuction, obviously the more lazy and unhealthy way to do it - but that's usually at the least of a rich person's worries. And if NOTHING else, they could buy some fast pill to weight loss like that Alli pill you keep hearing about that makes you have explosive shits comprising of fatty deposits which the pill prevents your intestines from absorbing.

What the hell. How is it that some butterball OBESE and digustingly fat person (we're not talking your typical overweight here, we're talking like 4x my size... in ONE person) be that rich? It utterly boggles the mind. I understand if you have a gene which makes you PRONE to obesity... but still... something's putting that food and shoving it down down down... you have to stop blaming the genes at some point.

Ugh I was so disgusted, I almost forgot about my cute anchor pendant. But luckily I remembered to get it and it made me feel better knowing that I will look super cute in my new sundress, complete with anchor pendant and festive yacht-themed scarf. And of course a straw chapeau to shade my face from the sun.

There are a lot of naked butts around

The Mansion. I didn't think guys wandered the halls naked but apparently they do. And spank each others butts as they walk by. It's actually really amusing in a kind of scary way.

I've been kicking it here with The Guitar Hero as the last few days of finals go by. It's been pretty chill... he's not too worried about his finals so we've done a lot of chilling poolside and in his room. This other guy, whom I shall name The Gamer, because he is forever playing those video games that guys play actually just pinned his girlfriend tonight and that was fun to watch. The boys serenaded her and there were candles and all that and a bunch of the girls from her house (Barbie's Dream House) were there and all excited and gushy. I'll admit these things as lame as they may seem to the average person, are actually really cool. I mean, it's a tradition that's been passed down forever, basically.

Haha Miss Socially Awkward thinks they're "archaic" and "demeaning to females." Which in my mind is so ridiculously stupid. You don't HAVE to be pinned if you don't want to... it's completely a personal choice. It's not like you parade around town wearing your boy's frat pin... it's just a purely symbolic gesture brought down from tradition. If it's another thing that bothers me about Miss Socially Awkward is that she doesn't appreciate tradition. Sure, now is the time to be the liberal college student or whatever... but you don't have to go protesting every since convention ever. I mean why stop at pins then? Why not protest WonderBread?

This year was pretty exciting for The House "pinning" wise, after all, what sorority girl doesn't want to be pinned (other than Miss Socially Awkward)? Six girls in The House were pinned and The Twins (actual biological twins) got engaged. It was definitely a shocker. I hate telling people that The Twins got engaged... because they're not identical and they're not engaged to twin brothers or brothers or anything oddly fairy tale coincidental like that. They even pledged different semesters. But they're engaged to good guys. One of them is engaged to a MBA student who just graduated and the other is engaged to this guy who works for Generic Biotech Firm. We're all pretty excited for them. And of course since their parents are loaded, they're having separate weddings just to underline the fact that they are being individualistic. So yay... two weddings for me to look forward to. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get asked to be a bridesmaid... after all, they run in my circle in The House and we've had some very drunken nights together. They've invited The Guitar Hero and me to a barbecue they're having later this week at Generic Biotech Firm Guy's house... he just bought a house for the two of them... isn't that CUTE? I'm sure her parents are in love with him already. That should be fun... the boys doing their grill thing and the girls just hanging out.

Thank God The Guitar Hero has his own bathroom so I don't have to wander the halls with naked butts in search of a shower...

Finals are OVER

For me anyway... I lucked out and had all early finals. Everyone else (including Miss Socially Awkward) has finals into next week. I really just need to throw cloths over my TV and computer monitor and I'm pretty much good to go. Thank god I don't have to move all my stuff out of my room or some other craziness. The Rich Bitch's sorority at The State School makes them box up all of their stuff and move it out! Can you imagine that? Every year! That must SUCK.

The Cook made a special surprise for all of us and made a mini fruit arrangement for all of us. It was really sweet of him. In any case, I'm going to stay with The Guitar Hero for the next few days and escape the craziness here. Everyone is so tense. Especially The Exec Board. They're all worried about planning stuff for next year and getting things together and they have finals to worry about. The VP Membership Development is stressing over her accounting finals and The VP Rush has some scary upper division O-Chem craziness.

The Rush Board luckily, has already convened and planned out everything for next semester and we should have, as usual, a successful rush. I don't know if I want to take another little this semester though. After all I do get among the top pick so I suppose I shouldn't waste that.

The Guitar Hero wants me to go home with him and visit with his family. I haven't said yes or no since that seems like to me yet another commitment or step. It seems a little odd to me that he wants me to meet his family, yet hasn't pinned me yet. Plus his mother apparently has scary expectations and I don't know if I want to deal with that. She's definitely part of "high society" and who knows if I'm good enough for her son. Although, she was a member of The House at a different chapter so maybe that will help me... even if I'm not a DAR darling.

So many plans, so little summer.

I have to go pick up The Grandmother from the airport... she's in to visit us and then we have to fly out to see The Older Brother's graduation in three weeks...